Breaking Clarisse ***completed***

22. Sold

It was too early for such things. I tried to stop myself from falling into a frenzy. This didnt feel like my life.

What? I bellowed nervously. How could you. Elijah I know you don't want to do this. I pleaded looking into empty eyes.

This is what shock felt like. I think that's what this was. I literally stopped breathing. I was looking at myself from outside. Staring back at myself as if I was in a movie. This isn't my life. It can't be mine. This isn't shock this is panic. I felt myself convulse my stomach turned inside folding inside itself. My insides trying to push up and out of my throat. My skin felt twisted and numb. I was scared.

Right now I wanted to be dead. I always wondered about those out of body experiences that people sometimes would talk about, like they weren't real. I felt ill. The room spinning around me so fast. Like I was on a ride at the carnival. I wanted it to stop. I closed my eyes hoping that it would.

Breathe...breathe...

When I was a little girl she would take me for walks around the creekbed. My mom and I would watch the water force its way down the dirt bed taking the branches and leaves with it. One day a little squirrel got caught in some twigs while running from a bird and drowned before us. It was the first time I ever really felt a sense of loss and I asked her why does God allow things to hurt his creations. She always told me it was the natural order of things to work in ways that follow for his will. I never understood it and always felt indifferent because of it. I just couldn't accept that whatever happens to us is the way it was meant to.

After the rush of panic I felt nausea and the dizziness turned to exhaustion. Then a feeling crept back in like a long lost friend. A feeling I hadn't felt since arriving at this home. A hopelessness that came with being taken and ripped from a life I once had. Suddenly I wasnt me anymore.

Clarisse was gone now. Was I Kylie again,, no I pondered. No I wasn't her either..

He actually sold me back to the traffickers. When he said it again an anger made its way inside.. becoming apart of me, mutating with my DNA to create something else.

A numbness came over me almost like I decided enough was enough and started to stuff all emotion into a hidden cabinet where I in turn threw away the key. So thats it huh. Do I even get to say goodbye to her?

I think its best if you didn't he said non chelatantly. He gestured for them to take me. I didnt even fight. I dont know if I couldn't or that I just wouldn't. I looked down at my legs moving but I couldn't feel them. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I took a long look at him before walking out the door. I expected to remember our times together almost like saying goodbye to him for a final time would give me some kind of closure but that didn't happen. Instead I didnt think about him at all. It was as if time with him was just an act. It was as if I expected myself to be sad or scared but I wasn't. As we pulled away I didn't even bother to look back.

Instead I watched the rain fall from the foggy window. I let out a deep puff and watched the glass fog up as we drove. Trying to stay distracted by anything. Anything at all. The drops moving to center itself and merge with the other drops like it was meant to happen that way. Maybe it represented my life and this is exactly how it was always suppose to go. I wanted to cry but couldn't. I even imagined her face and how sad she'd be at not getting to say goodbye and still I couldn't force one tear. Something else was happening inside me. I felt a volcano bubbling up. Ready to explode.

I looked over at the two fools driving and I imagined bashing their heads in together, knocking them out. Maybe the car would slide into on-coming traffic and we would all die right hear and now. The thought didnt even scare me. It brought my thoughts back into reality. And I realised that maybe I just wasn't there yet. It made me question if I could actually be capable of doing something like that. A part of me wished I really could be that person. At least it put a smile on my face.

So who owns me now. I said feeling the weight of all that hatred. It was best that I was no longer with anyone that I cared get hurt. This new me would happily watch the world burn.

You sure seem in a hurry. You may not be when you find out where your going. The two guys up front started to laugh just like before. They laughed and a strange thought occurred to me. I wanted to watch them all die.

I owe a debt and you are it. The driver said sarcastically.

I was laughing inside myself.. Bring it on bitches. I was done with all that. I was tired of everyone planning my life. Taking away my choices. Wondering who I had to be one minute to the next. I honestly feel sorry for anyone that had to deal with me from here on out.

Jeremiah━━━━━━━━━★

How could you do that Elijah. Your so selfish.. You have to help me get her back. Jeremiah was desperate still holding onto that hope that people cling to.

There's nothing more to do he said coldly. Unsympathetic and void of any regrets. Its time for you to leave. Dont come back here. He warned. Oh and Jeremiah take a damn bath. You stink. He said coldly before attempting to walk out of the room.

His hand was over his eyes. He looked like a failed soldier. Dirt seemed so worked in him that the lines sank into little folds that caused the creases to be visible.

I was dirty I admitted as I looked down at my hands. I pulled the fabric of my shirt up to my nose to take a whif. Yes I could use a bath. Its true but I was literally miserable. Desperate to find my one true love. I honestly didn't care at this point what I looked or smelled like. I was angry that he could do this to me and now he was adding to that hate by putting me down.

There is a saying about someone kicking you when your down and they really weren't men to begin with.

Fine ill handle things myself. I finally said in hopes to scare him. He looked at me with an arrogance. His eyes laughing back at me. I was truly defeated.

You really do love her dont you. Elijah finally scoffed.. I got to break her and you.

Alright, just remember you thought we were enemies before Elijah you havnt seen anything yet. It was a threat. What he's done has crossed the line. I will find a way to make him pay for this. We had reached a point that maybe before had some sense of kindness but that was over. At this point I would find a way to ruin him. No compassion, no mercy, just revenge.

I had more connections than him I would find her myself. As I left the office and made my way down the stairs I noticed her. She looked odd trying to fit in to the surrounding hallway trying to seem busy like she was suppose to be working there.

She stalked towards me as I reached the doorway. Please. She reached out for me holding something in her hand as she place it firmly in mine. Determined to hold some secrecy in the act.

She would have wanted you to have it.

I opened up to see the charmed braclet that I had made for Clarisse. It was literally all that remained of her. I felt the tears swell again.

Thank you Lilyanna.

Your welcome. I hope you find her. She said softly with a desperate tone in her voice.

I will I said trying to sound convincing though if it really was for her I was unsure. I think I just needed to here it for myself out loud.

In a desperate act I started to dial numbers. I knew people. People that could help me find her. The thought of her with traffickers made me extremely nervous.