Green sunrise | Loki fanfiction

Part 13: Sorrows

"Here Bruce, take care of her", Thor says bitterly and hands me over to Bruce who is already in his white coat. "I have to bandy words with Tony real quick." He carries me over to a bed in the medical room, sets me down, makes sure I am alright and heads for the door.
After the door snaps shut, Bruce leans over me and starts to examine me.
"What happened?", he asks while palpating my side where the monster claw hit me. "Between Tony and Loki, I mean."
I sigh and close my eyes. "It's hard to explain."
"It's okay, I have time. We will spend a while here anyways, it looks like you will be in the bed at least until tomorrow." Bruce looks at me and nods gently.
"Okay." I press my hands on my eyes and explain slowly. It is harder than I thought, repeating the argument hurts more than I like to admit. The things Tony said sound more harsh when they come out of my mouth.
When I am finished, Bruce still watches me concernedly.
"That is definitly not good. I mean, I should have seen it coming, I kinda have ..." He is nestling with his fingers, lost in thoughts. "But I always hoped they could figure it out on their own. Sometimes ...", Bruce sighs, "they are very similiar, Tony and Loki."
"Don't say that", I respond.
His glance wanders over my face. "They are both very proud, confident, and like to lead. And both are pretty intelligent in their own way."
"Loki would never exclude Tony out of a team like the Avengers and throw his childhood trauma at him!", I snap.
"I didn't say what Tony did is good", Bruce says calmly. "But they could have been more mature, both of them. And Loki should have watched over you better during the fight."
"It was my fault what happened, only mine!", I call. "He didn't force me to run after him!" I think for a moment, then I fold back my blanket. "I am going to look for him."
"No, you wont", Bruce responds firmly. "Loki can find his way by himself, he knows where the Tower is. And you are injured."
"He is too! Loki needs my healing, something could have happened to him!"
"(Y/n), Loki is a literal god. He can do a lot of things and you will stay in bed." Bruce sees that this answer doesn't satisfy me, and he adds: "I am sure he will be back in one or two hours."
I try to stand up, then I feel my body hurting and sink involuntarily back into the pillows. I curse.
"Stop cursing like that or Cap will bust in here and call 'Language'", Bruce says with a small smile. "Your tummy muscles are doing their best. Please rest now."
I cross my arms. As soon as I am able to get out of bed, I will be looking for Loki. But for now, I nod.
"Good", Bruce says and smiles again. Then he turns to the computer and types a few things into it.
I stare at the ceiling and remain like that even after Bruce left the medical room. Different emotions bubble inside me, the first is anger. Really, what was Tony thinking? Avenger or not, Loki didn't deserve being treated like that. And now everyone acts like this is totally normal, I am not even allowed to go look after him.
Well, you also physically can't, an annoying voice in my head says. It sounds suspiciously like Loki.
"Shut up", I say out loud.
Wow, okay, we are going crazy right now.
I giggle halfheartedly and throw a look at the bed beside me, but it is empty. My smile fades and worry washes over me again. Why didn't I tell Loki how important he is to me and that he is just as great as Thor in every way?
I look around the room with an uneasy feeling. Really, what am I thinking about Loki?
The door opens again and Natasha walks in. She sits on my bed and starts chatting with me, I tell the whole story again and answer to her questions about my wellbeing. Shortly after, Clint joins us, and after these two leave, I get to talk with Steve too. The only people I do not see are Tony and Thor, but I hear from the others that they had a big argument in Gym 3.
The day rolls by and Bruce checks up on me from time to time. I am still unable to get up, so I mostly try to sleep, which is hard. I can't stop to revise the things being said in my head. Plus, Loki is gone for way longer than just a few hours. I fall asleep eventually and wake up after the tea break. As soon as Bruce comes in, I ask for Loki, but he says the god isn't back.
I sink back into the pillows. The words how important he is to me are practically on the tip of my tongue, but slowly the urge to say them is replaced by a subtle uneasyness I can't really explain.
Later, Thor comes in. Like the others, he is asking for my health first. Then he describes his argument with Tony. When I ask him if he knows where Loki is, he sighs.
"He could be anywhere, you know. I know my brother, if he doesn't want to be found, you wont be able to. He is the god of illusions and deceptions, it would take years to find him for Asgardians and it is probably impossible for mortals. He could be a bug on the ground. Or he could be on another planet already."
I stare at him in shock.
"That is not very likely", Thor adds hastily. "Don't worry about that. I shouldn't have said that."
I nod sadly and stare at my blanket.
Thor sighs again and looks at me. "I am glad that you two are ... growing closer, you could say. It's great that Loki gets along with a mortal woman. I am really happy about that."
I smile halfheartedly at him.
"Just say if I can do anything to make you feel better. Maybe ... it will take a while for him to come back. What Tony said was very hurtful. It may even take, well, weeks." Thor looks hesitantly at me.
I feel something heavy in my throat. "So long?", I whisper. "Do you think he could quit being an Avenger?"
"I don't think so", Thor says quickly. "No, he just ... he will take his time. I would help you and him if I could", he adds after a small pause. "Just tell me if I can do anything for you, okay?" He smiles at me.
I nod. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." Thor looks at me again, then he turns around and leaves.
I put my head down into the cool pillow behind me and take a deep breath. Why does life have to be so hard sometimes?