Saved by a loving heart.

Pt 31 : London

I decide that I would stick with my nicest blue jeans, but I couldn't find a shirt that doesn't show my body, or worse my arms. If these people were to see my arms I don't know what they would do, would they be mad at Will?

I end up wearing me cosy bear sweater. I have had the sweater for a while but couldn't wear it as it was getting dirty, but when Will washed it, it went back to being fluffy and cosy again.

I get everything I was taking and packed it into my bag. It wasn't much.

A change of clothes, my art book and of course Barnibee.

Just as I was walking out my door with my bag over my shoulder, when Wil came down the hall.

"You almost ready to go? Your sweater looks really cute by the way. I'm glad the wash did it some good," Will has a big smile spread across his face. "How are you feeling, if you don't want to go that's okay. You can stay here with Niki or I can just not go."

"Will, I'm fine okay. I know that I will be fine no matter how scary it might seem now. Plus I know that you will be there." I try and sound confident with my words but somehow there was still hit of my scared mind.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Will says pulling something out of his pocket and handing it to me. "Here, take this mask, you can wear it if you want. I know you where a bit scared of people seeing your face so this might help."

"Thank you Will," say giving him a hug.

"We have to be off, you got all of your stuff?"

I nod and we were off.

After almost 90 minutes on a train and a handful of panic attacks, we arrived in London where we were greeted by someone by the name of Russ who gave us a ride to where we were staying.

"Here you guys go, Y/n and Niki are in room 118, here is your key and Will, your in room 117," Russ says handing Niki and Will a swipe card. "You guys go settle in, the other boys are going to be out getting food for like 10 minutes and then we will head to location."

"Lets go then," Will says hopping out of the car.

We head up a flight of stairs and walk down a hallway until we found our rooms.

"This is us Y/n," Niki says unlocking the door reveling the luxurious room with a small kitchen.

Will went into his room just to put his stuff down and then came and just sat in our room. I was taken aback by the view, it was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. I could tell that Wil and Niki were talking but it didn't register any of the words.

"Y/n?" I finally make out of Wills voice. "Are you okay?"

"The view is so pretty. It looks like I'm floating over the city," I say turning  around to focus back on the conversation they were having. 

"Yeah, London is a pretty place. You will have to see it when the sun starts setting," Wil says getting up. "We are heading to location now, do you want to come with us for a bit or just spend some time in the quiet after the train?"

"May I come with you? Then we can go just sit somewhere," I say looking at both Will and Niki to gauge their response.

"Sounds like a plan, In our car it will be us three and Ranboo. Is that okay? He is the quietest of the bunch," Will says getting his stuff. "He also wears a mask like you."

"Okay," my nerves were starting to pick up, I had trying to not think about it all day, but now it was hear the idea of meeting people sounds completely and utterly terrifying.

We head down to the foyer where there was a group of 4 people that I could recognise as Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo and someone I couldn't recognised as well as Russ who we met earlier.

"Hey guys," Will cuts into their conversation. I have a strong feeling to run, but I don't want to make a scene so I just grab Wills hand. He lightly squeezes my hand back and goes back to talking to the other. "This is, as I'm sure you can guess is Y/n."

"Nice mask," Ranboo says. His mask was hanging down by one ear, but when he sees that I have one, he puts his on.

"Wil, how come Y/n is taller than me," Tubbo wines. I let out a small giggle. "I'm older, I think and she is still taller, that's not fair."

Tommy and the other person were whispering to one another and giggling that was until the older man looks up and just sees Will staring at him.

"Hey, my name is George, nice you meet you," George says offering he hand to shake. I really don't know what to do because it would be rude if I didn't shake his hand, but I was really overwhelmed by the whole scenario. I lightly put my hand out and he shakes it lightly before Russ talks.

"Hey, guys we really need to get moving, hope in your cars and get going. Niki, you good to drive you guys?" Russ says throwing Niki the keys. 

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Hey, I would like to apologies once again for the long gap, I have finally settled down and am safe and at a place I can call home.

It's gonna be ok- Oh what am i saying? You're not gonna be fine. You'll probably cry yourself to sleep every night hoping no one would hear you. But can at least hear you're pain. So stop just writing inspirational quotes that i know damn well will only keep me happy for that time. "Pain hurts It heals but it never goes away. "-? ?? "Death is painless and only a second But can hurt anyone"-? ?? "Hold on if you don't i won't be able to- no They won't be able to hold on to you"-? ?? "Don't fake smile just yet. Cause i feel you. "-? ??

Nothing leaves and go. A wise person once told me "If you let something go and it doesn't come back. It was never meant to be. But if i comes back it was meant to be" Depression and sadness Seems like you can let it go but it always come back. So remember no matter how far you think you're in the hole. You're not that far. So climb out quickly i promise it'll be worth it. 
I have no reason to be sad... But i've fallen in the black hole of emptiness with only a window to escape. I'm stuck there still doubting in tears with no feeling of escape. But in the darkness there are more people than you think. 

Dream of all good things that happened. Stay alive.

Daily reminder: Don't be sorry for making mistakes, life didn't come with instructions

You are amazing and the best you can be so I'm really glad you are you.

Remember that your body isn't paper, so don't cut it,

Remember your face isn't a mask, so don't hide it,

Remember that your size isn't a book, so don't judge it,

And most of all, your life isn't a film, so don't end it

You are beautiful just the way you are, don't ever change from who you are for others <3

I am so FUCKING proud of you, everyone reading this. You are doing great, you may not be feeling 100%, but you are giving 100% of what you do have.

I just want to say thank you. You guys, girls and anything in between are absolutly amazing and I love you.

I hope all of you are having a good day/night/ whatever time it is where you are.

Make sure you eat, drink some water, take your meds (if not already) and get some good sleep.

Even if you just try to eat or drink something, that is all that matters, that you tried.

You are AMAZING and never forget that.

Stay safe and remember that you are loved. ❤❤❤