McLennon Vs. Starrison

Lucy and the Cubic Zirconia Necklace

John was on Instagram stalking his exes for no particular reason other than being nosy. He came across his ex Lucy and scrolled through her posts. One of them caught his eye.

In one picture Lucy was posing next to a large statue. She was wearing a necklace that looked familiar.

"What the hell?" John grabbed his glasses and peered closer. "Un. Frickin. Believable."

Paul came into the room. "What's wrong, sweetie."

John shows him the phone.  "Look at that."

"Is that your ex?"

"Yeah."

"Why are you looking at your ex on social media? I thought you two were done with each other. Why are you still following her on Instagram?"

"Not the point right now." John said. "Look at that. She's wearing the diamond necklace I gave her."

Paul looked closer. "That's not a diamond necklace."

"It is so. It's the one I gave her for our five week anniversary."

"That's not a diamond necklace." Paul repeated. "It's cubic zirconia. You're too cheap to buy the real thing."

John scoffed. "No I'm not. That's a diamond necklace and I want it back."

"Why do you want a cubic zirconia necklace back?"

"It's a diamond and it's the principle." John said. "She's supposed to give me back everything I ever gave her when we split. That's the rule."

"Whatever."

John wouldn't let it go. He discussed it with George and Ringo at Walmart.

"It's cubic zirconia, John," George said. "I remember when you bought it from aisle five right over there. You're too damn cheap to spring for the real thing."

"It is so a diamond necklace and I'm not cheap." John protested.  "And I'm getting it back."

"Yeah, good luck with that." Ringo snickered.

"We're invited to her party in her loft." George said. "Tomorrow night actually."

John saw an opportunity. "You don't mind if me and Paulie tag along? Just to say hi to an old friend."

"Sure," George said. "You can come along and get your cheap jewelry then."

"Perfect. And it's not cheap!" John said.

Paul wasn't too enthusiastic about going to Lucy's party when John told him about it.

"Why do we have to go to your exes?" Paul said. "I don't take you to my exes."

"So I can get that diamond necklace back."

"For the zillionth time, Johnny, it's a cubic zirconia necklace. You got it on sale."

"It's diamond! Diamond!" John insisted. "I bought it to symbolize our everlasting love."

"You guys broke up in two months." Paul said.

"Okay our short temporary love. Can we go?"

Paul sighed. "Fine. Let's go to your ex girlfriend's home so you can get back the token of your relationship. Don't mind me, the current partner who you pledged eternal love."

"Great, thanks, babe."

Lucy's loft was in a high rise building. Her party was on the roof, overlooking a huge view. Mostly at the manure factory next door.

The McLennons arrived with the Starrisons. Lucy came over to greet them with a martini in hand.

"Good of you to come," Lucy said, shaking everyone's hands but John. She barely waved at him. "Sup, John."

"Lucy." John waved back. "Looking good." He noticed that she was wearing a short black dress. Along with his necklace. "I see you still have my necklace."

Lucy touched it while sipping her drink. "Yeah, I love it. It's my constant reminder to never make bad choices in my life. Hahaha!"

"Yeah," John said. "Haha very funny, how's about giving it back?"

"No way, Jose." Lucy said. "This is the only good thing I got out of this relationship besides the constant migraines you gave me."

"But we're not together anymore," John said. "So you have to give it back.  Just like I had to give you back your undies. That's the rule."

"Uh uh," Lucy shook her head. "No givesy backsy. That's the rule."

John made a swipe but Lucy quickly ducked back.

"Whoa, missed!" She taunted him.

"Give it!" John demanded

"Shove it!" Lucy flipped him off.

"It's diamond!"

"Doubt it but still keeping it."

John and Lucy began swatting each other while the guests watched.

"I will fuck you up!"

"Try me, bitch!"

"Stop!" Paul tried to intervene.

Ringo nudged George. "And you thought this party was going to be boring."

"It's diamond!"

"It's cheap!"

"It's not!"

During the swatting match Lucy suddenly flipped back over the ledge.

"Waah!!" Lucy screamed. "Help! I'm falling! And when I land, if I'm still living I'm calling the cops!"

The guests began running out the door, including Ringo.

"Wait!" John grabbed George, who was about to make a fast exit. "What are we going to do?"

"What do you mean we?" George pulled back. "We were never here. And the we is me and Ringo. WE were bowling all night. YOU never saw us. You are screwed. See you in ten to twenty years."

Pulling up his hoodie, George wiped his prints off the door and disappeared down the stairs.

"Wow," Paul said as he leaned over the ledge. "She's still falling and screaming."

John looked at the object in his hand. It was the necklace. Somehow he grabbed it while scuffling with Lucy and it broke off.

"Wow." John looked closely. "This necklace really was cubic zirconia."

"Told you. And all of this was for a cheap piece of crap."

"My bad." John leaned over. "She still falling?"

"No, she landed in the manure bin."

"Sucks to be her."

As they were leaving John had a thought. "I just got an idea for a song about this."

"What are you going to call it?" Paul said. "Lucy Flying Off The Ledge Into A Manure Bin Over A Cheap Cubic Zirconia Necklace?"

"It's going to need a little work."