Something About The Sunshine

Chapter Eighteen

"Beck there was no way you could've known. Jordan wasn't even abusive until after we were engaged", I explained as I tried to hold his hand. He pulled away from my quickly and a feeling of overwhelming sadness and rejection consumed me.

"That night you talked about, I remember it so vividly. It was graduation night and you brother was even there for the celebration. We were all going to the same college and your dad and brother were so worried about you. They had pulled me to the side outside and made me promise that I'd keep you safe because they wouldn't be there to be able to. I told them you came before anything, that you and Kyra were my girls. I swore to them Leah, that I'd protect you no matter what. I said I was your brother and was just as protective of you as they were. We shook on it Leah. We shook on that promise and...a-and I broke it. For months that sick son a bitch was abusing and cheating on you and I didn't even have a clue. When we started seeing you less and less I just kept telling myself that you were stressed from wedding planning and just needed space. But all that time... all those bruises. I'm s-so sorry L-Leah", Beck said as he began to full on sob.

I had never seen anything like it. Beck had always been our rock, our go to person. To see him cry and break down like this broke my heart. He had been too strong for too long and the weight of that promise to my dad and brother, the weight of knowing now what had actually happened to me, it was crushing him.

I was crushing him.

"That promise you made with them Beck... It was completely unfair to you. I am my own person and I make my own choices. No one knew he was abusing me and that was how I wanted it. You didn't know it not because you weren't watching over me anymore, but because I didn't want you to know. I shouldn't be your burden Beck. You have your own life you need to live. You can't spend your entire existence babysitting me, and I won't let you. I've always known I was like a little sister to you. And I think a part of me did always know that the relationship you and I had was different than the one you and Kyra had. I was depressed back then so maybe I would've felt like a bit of a third wheel, but I would've been so happy for you guys if she felt the same. Why do you think I kept that promise not to tell her when I found out? A pinky promise wasn't the only thing that kept me from spilling your secret, it was the fact that I want you both to be happy. That you both deserve to be happy...together", I explained as I cried.

Beck kept his eyes down as he played with a brown bracelet on his wrist. Our brown bracelet. It was a friendship bracelet we had paid for with quarters, nickels, and dimes at a stand during a fair one year. At 12 we could only afford one though, so we carved our initials in it and we cycle through who wears it once a year in November.

I moved his hands and moved closer to him so I was sitting with my knees touching his crossed legs. as I took his face into my hands. My brown eyes searched his green ones before I smiled through my tears as the sobs I had been trying to hold in threatened to shake through my entire body.

"I've been leaning too hard on you for too long haven't I? Not thinking that we could both topple over, not understanding that your footing in life was just as uneasy as mine."

I then moved his head down slowly and kissed his forehead.

"You deserve to be happy Beck Andreas Anderson", I finalized as I looked into his eyes once more.

Before I could blink Beck had crushed me into his body. He sobbed into my shoulder and it seemed he was letting everything out, something that definitely needed to happen. I took a deep breath before letting it all go as well, letting myself cry.

Seconds later Kyra joined in and cried with us. It was soothing and very therapeutic to just sit and cry together. The last time we had all cried together like this was when Beck finally visited his dad's grave during our senior year. He had been killed in a horrible car crash months prior but Beck had still been too heart broken to visit the grave.