Scars and Bruises

The Truth

She slid down on the floor with her back pressed against the cupboard. She needed to get up, but she left too weak, Alex inhaled and exhaled deeply and gathered herself to get up. She slowly stumbled to bedroom and looked in the mirror; she took out her wand and tried to heal all her scars and bruises. But after a while she gave up because her hands were shaking uncontrollably how tired she was. Well at least nothing was bleeding anymore, which was a good sign.

She stepped into the shower, warm water licked her painful body, and she felt scars on her back pulsating, in her everyday life she didn't even felt them. Water made her feel better, but as soon as she would get out, she would feel like shit again, Alex knew that.

Alex's body trembled, it was from pain and because she was very nervous, it was almost seven and she needed to leave soon. Alex could not decide what to wear, because her body was so sore, clothes seemed like a torture to her. She took out from the closet soft fabric pants and dark green cashmere sweater – that should do.

Heading for the door, Alex couldn't stop judging herself for not brewing some potion for pain yesterday. She did not even had any muggle painkillers, but she was not sure they even would work on her.

She put on boots and coat, and threw on warm scarf, then she stepped outside. It was uncharacteristically cold October evening, as a sign for what was going to happen next. She walked through the gates and stepped on to the gravel road, she concentrated to apparate to the Order headquarters.

She materialized at the end of empty street where only movement were tree branches swaying in the wind. She started to walk down the street. After a while, she reached the house with white columns on the both sides of entrance doors, she stood outside. Alex had been here just once at the beginning of this year, now these memories seemed so far and distant.

She stood there contemplating what she really wanted to do now. She closed her eyes, this was hard, she was not ready, she was nervous as fuck. Then she opened her eyes and went inside.

House seemed deserted, but everything here was neat and clean. She knew that Dumbledore was waiting for her and that's why she headed up the stairs to the living room, which was filled with all kind of couches and chairs that made the room very cozy.

Dumbledore was sitting in front of the window by the small table and looked outside. Fire was crackling in the room and many candles and lamps illuminated the room.

"Good evening, Miss Watson," he looked at her and smiled. "It is so cold outside for the middle of October. Tea?" he spoke calmly as if Alex was here to talk about some especially delicious dessert recipe.

"Evening, yes, tea would be just in time," Alex took off her coat and scarf and sat down by the little table in front of Dumbledore who poured a tea in light blue teacup.

"I apologize in advance but," Dumbledore began looking truly apologetic, "you look terrible."

Alex laughed; she perfectly knew how bad she looked. She had big dark circles underneath her yes, scar over her cheek and another one on her neck, and very tired and painful body. All her being screamed that Alex was in pain and felt awful.

"It's fine," she smiled to Dumbledore. "I know how terribly I look today."

Alex looked outside the window and realized that Dumbledore was watching her while she stood on the street, because there was a clear view to the street from this window. And then she saw Lily and James walking to the house. James's hand was around her waist and they talked among themselves, Lily laughed about something James had said.

Remus and Sirius followed them, looked like they were arguing about something, but it seemed like their usual married couple bickering, because they started to laugh. Peter walked behind them dragging his feet.