Hold on || dreamnotfound

chapter thirty

George shook his head. "Nah, just get what you think."

I nodded and mentally prepared to push myself through sweating strangers again. Luckily, the music had changed from some remix to a slower pop song, which caused many people to leave the dance floor to take a break or grab a drink. That meant the way to the bar was reasonably empty, but the queue in front of it wasn't.

Unwillingly, I enqueued myself and hoped instantly, the barkeepers would be quick.

My eyes unfocused and I could feel my thoughts drift away.

Again, they moved towards the topic that already had kept me thinking on the way to this party.

The kiss.

I could still feel George's soft lips be gently pressed against my own, moving slightly and erasing every negative thought in my mind until the only thing connecting me to reality was him.

When he kissed me, there were no problems. When he kissed me, I felt nothing but love. There were no doubts, everything which was slowly killing me inside got blown away. Just like that.

And yet he didn't seem to be bothered by it as much as I was. Maybe he'd only done it because it was the only thing left he could think of that could possibly calm me down?

I swallowed hardly, feeling sadness rush through my body at the thought.

To my relief, it was now my turn to order drinks at the bar. That didn't help my pulse calm down at all, but at least it distracted me from my thoughts.

Look at who needs help from outside again to distance from his thoughts!

Not now, please.

Backing away again, huh? Haven't you learned anything during the last weeks?

I blinked repeatedly in order to shake away my thoughts, but it didn't work out.
The music around me switched to a light-hearted pop song again, causing people to head to the dance floor again and standing in bizarre contrast to my panicking mind.

The barkeeper impatiently cleared his throat, throwing me a questioning glare while the people behind me slowly started to shout at me.

Get your shit together, Clay!, I mentally screamed at myself.

My eyes flickered to the man behind the counter, then striping over the little crowd in the queue behind me, before gluing themselves to the floor. My steps felt odd, when I hastily walked away from the bar, almost as if I hadn't walked in years.

As soon as I had brought enough distance between the bar and me, I started to calm down. On the contrary, the anger towards myself increased with every passing second.

How the fuck do you want to live if you can't even order a simple drink, dipshit?

The muscles on my jaw tensed and I only knew my lip had been in between my teeth when I felt the metallic taste of blood on my tongue.

Right now, I definitely didn't feel ready to go back to my friends, so I just stood where I was, unsure of what to do next.

A group of giggling people walked past me, tablets with the typical red plastic cups in their hands.

A girl walked up to me and smiled.

"You look thirsty, darling," she snickered and handed me a cup.

I mumbled a thanks, even though the last thing I wanted was to talk to her. Luckily, she hadn't intended to do so and continued to walk into the dancing crowd as soon as she had made sure I took a sip.