Hold on || dreamnotfound

chapter two

sapnap's point of view

I had been on call with George for ten minutes now, packing my stuff in a bag I was going to take to Florida with me. There was no way I would let my friend suffer on his own another night.

I hadn't planned to tell George about my trip to Dream's place, but he called me just when Dream hung up on me.

He was almost as worried as I was since Dream had ignored his messages as well. This convinced me even more that I was doing the right thing by travelling to Clay.

I shoveled some T-Shirts into my bag, not really giving a fuck about what I was going to wear.

"So you're actually going to meet him", George asked, a hint of jealousy in his voice. "What made you do so?"

I hesitated. I wouldn't tell George anything since Clay was already uncomfortable enough.

"A video idea, I guess." This was the first thing that had come to my mind, even though it sounded a little off.

George made a weird sound, indicating he believed me. It was easy to trick him, which was probably why he dropped his worries about Clay that fast.

"Okay, should I come over as well?", he wanted to know, still trying to join the meet up. It was obvious he didn't like the thought of me meeting Dream before him.

"Umm, nah, bro. Listen, I need to go now. Bye", I said, faster than I actually wanted.

After hanging up, I packed a few more things into my bag and headed downstairs. I didn't bother putting on shoes, so I just picked them up and sprinted outside to my car.

A few minutes later, I was on the road, ready to drive a whole seventeen hours to finally help my best friend.

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Exhausted and tired, I arrived at Dream's address he gave me when he moved in. I was glad I still remembered it and got out of my car.

The only obstacle I had to get over was the front door. There was a slight chance that Clay wouldn't open the door but I tried it anyway and rang the doorbell.

After a few seconds of complete silence I rang again, to no avail.

Shit, shit, shit. What do I do now?

Nervously, I scanned the near surrounding for anything to open the door with. As a subconscious try, I lifted up the doormat because I knew I kept my spare key under it.

A smile formed on my face as I saw the tiny silver object I searched for. Without hesitation I opened the door and stepped inside.

I didn't know what I was expecting to find, but it certainly wasn't this. The first thing I catched sight of was the trash that was lying around almost everywhere. Bottles, worn clothes and empty cat food packagings. This place looked abandoned. All blinds were closed, no light breaking through. If a sunbeam magically made it inside of the house, you could see dust grains dancing in it.

I didn't acknowledged any more and headed upstairs, where I hoped to find Clay.

I checked the first room I saw, which was obviously never been used before. It was tidy and clean, but had nothing in it Dream could use except for a small bed.

Therefore I continued searching for my friend and opened the next door, which I assumed was Dream's bedroom. Not least, because Patches was curled up on the queen sized bed.

But as in the previous room, I also couldn't find Clay anywhere. I entered the room nonetheless and noticed another door that was slightly opened, a glimmer of light coming though it.

I slowly stepped closer, not wanting to disturb Clay's privacy.

"Clay?", I cautiously asked, receiving no answer. I couldn't wait any longer, so I emerged into the room.

At first, I thought Clay had passed out, but I could hear his even breathing, showing me that he was just sleeping. Still, I wondered why he ended up on the bathroom floor instead of his cozy bed.

I gently tapped his shoulder, until his eyes flattered open.

He flinched back when he saw me randomly standing inside of his bathroom.

"It's okay, it's just me", I said as an attempt to calm him down.

"Sapnap?", he replied in disbelief, "What are you doing here? I told you to stay the fuck away!"

Those words hurt a lot but they didn't stop me from laying my arms around him and pulling him close. He didn't hug back but he also didn't push me away. I wordlessly held him tight, not wanting to let go.

A few seconds passed before Clay relaxed. I felt some warm drops falling onto my shoulders and rubbed a comforting hand over his back.

"It's going to be okay. I'm here now", I murmured. Some small sobs escaped from Clay's mouth while he shook his head.

"Hey, you will be fine, I promise." Once again, Clay denied by shaking his head. How must he feel to not believe in recovery? My heart broke, as he started to shake violently and more and more tears fell down his pale face.

I hated to see my friend in this state and not being able to do anything about it. Helpless tears started to form in my own eyes but I knew I needed to stay strong.

In hindsight, I couldn't tell for how long we just sat there, but at some point, Clay eventually stopped crying. Maybe he was too exhausted to go on or he just felt embarrassed.

"Come on, you need some sleep", I softly said while gently pulling my arms away. Clay got up very slowly and when he stood, he leaned himself against the wall.

"Do you need help?", I asked, realizing he was really struggling to keep himself up.

Clay just shook his head again and started walking into his bedroom. I followed him and helped him to make some space in his bed so that he could lie down.

I wanted to know what was going on and why he felt so bad, but I knew that for right now I shouldn't push him. As much as it took me to shut up and not bring up the topic, I still managed it to do so.

When Clay was covered by his blanket, I still sat by his bed for a while, making sure he was alright. He eventually fell asleep, so I decided to get up and do something.

Even though I couldn't help him with his mental problems at the moment, there was still something I could do to get some of the weight off of his shoulders.