Bloodstream • Lipsoul

Breakthrough

Jungeun's eyebrows shoot up. She wasn't expecting brutal honesty right off the bat. Jinsol carries on, trying to ignore how her heart pangs at Jungeun's expression. How is that surprising to her?

Jinsol remembers Jungeun's point of honesty. She remembers sitting on this very couch days ago, hitting her sister after crying to her about how she wants to get close to Jungeun. She needs to use her words before all else this time.

"I don't mean to get angry. It happens and I don't know how to control it." She stares past Jungeun, to a random spot on the wall as she continues. "I'm sorry-" Eye contact, Jinsol. She locks eyes with the younger girl then, wanting to tear up as she sees nothing but patience and sympathy in those soft cinnamon eyes. Jinsol quickly reminds herself that though she will be honest with Jungeun, she doesn't need to tell all just yet as they're still not close friends. "I'm sorry for blowing up on you." Jungeun's expression becomes worried as Jinsol's voice begins to tremble. The older girl refuses to let Jungeun see her cry. Not now, not ever. Deep breaths steady her once again. Jinsol chooses her next words carefully. "Besides Chaewon, God is the most important person in my life. My faith is the most important thing in my life. It's the only constant, too. I know deep down that no one has to believe what I do, but since it's so close to me, it makes me... frustrated when it's challenged. So I freak out. It isn't reasonable, I know. I need to work on it." Jinsol closes her eyes for a moment, reminding Jungeun as the ocean once more as she inhales and exhales slowly and smoothly, just as a wave slowly crashing to shore. Jinsol's eyes pierce Jungeun in a way that makes her heart race out of something that isn't fear or annoyance. But Jungeun doesn't know what it is. "We just became acquainted so I won't say much more than that, but I did owe you an explanation at least. So, I'm sorry."

Jinsol's honest confession twists Jungeun's heart up into knots. Her head is swimming, thoughts coming through at a rapid-fire rate. So that's why she- She knows that- above all, one thought stands out.

Jung Jinsol is human.

Of course she always has been. But the fake smiles and masking her emotions under faux cheerfulness were never appealing to Jungeun. Jungeun was a fool to believe that they were there for no reason, to paint Jinsol as a mean-spirited person hiding behind religion as an excuse. While people do that, she now knows it's not the case with Jinsol. Jinsol didn't reveal all, but just enough for Jungeun to understand. Her empty house correlates with Jinsol's favorite people being God and her sister. Jinsol doesn't need to speak more on that if she doesn't want to.

Now, Jungeun speaks.

"Jinsol..." She begins softly, trailing off as she's unsure how to continue. What do you say to a girl that you're attracted to who you kind of disliked but realized that there's more than meets the eye to? Jinsol bared herself to Jungeun, and that's not something Jungeun will easily forget. "Thank you." Jungeun only says two words, gentle in delivery. That's enough to send Jinsol into a spiral. The rest of Jungeun's speech becomes white noise in Jinsol's brain as she goes down.

Thank you? Jinsol thinks incredulously. What're you thanking me for? For being a complete disaster with mommy and daddy issues who takes it out on everyone she loves? For blowing up on you even though you didn't deserve it at all? Why did you agree to come here, you'd be so much better-

Time slows.

Jungeun's hand is suddenly on Jinsol's thigh.

Jungeun saw Jinsol's tears before Jinsol felt them fall. She saw Jinsol's body begin to tremble, heard sobs escape from it far before Jinsol realized what was going on.

"Jinsol-" Jungeun's tone is urgent. I need her to calm down, I need her to hear me, I need her to be okay- Jungeun halts the worries in her head to tend to Jinsol's own. Before she can continue, she hears Jinsol's voice.