"If you want to try again, I've learned a few things since then and now I'm sure... I would make it so, so good for you..." Luke pulls back, a troublemakers grin on his lips. "You wouldn't be able to forget it."
...
"After what he did? To you? To our family?" Her eyes narrow. "To your brother?"
"Oh, God, Casey." I watch as she flinches at his name. "How could I ever forget what Luke did to Casey, with you reminding me all of the damn time! As if I don't know, as if I could just forget that my brother is dead."
Mom grimaces again, the words likely stabbing her through the heart as they are my own. Even saying them brings another wave of nausea washing over me.
"And yet," Her voice lowers, even colder than before. "You've forgiven him anyways."
Her stare pierces through me, making my heart ache more than before. I look to the sofa, to the rest of my family for support. Grams is glaring at her hands behind her glasses, muttering to herself. Dad refuses to look at me and once again I'm reminded that without Casey, I'm alone.
"Luke let's me remember Casey without feeling like I'm falling apart." I speak finally, using all the energy I have to try and explain it, knowing it'll be useless no matter what. "Luke let's me remember who I was before, instead of... of..." I trail off, tears threatening to spill over.
"Instead of what, Dylan?" Mom's tone isn't warm or comforting, instead it feels condescending.
"Like a child!" I shout, hot tears finally spilling over my cheeks. "Like a child who everyone wants to control but no one actually wants anything to do with. I'm doing my best - no, I'm doing the only thing I can, to keep it together, okay? I'm sorry it's not enough."
She doesn't reach out to me, doesn't tell me it's okay. Instead, Mom rolls her eyes. "If you don't want to be treated like a child, Dylan, then don't act like one. Look at the decisions you've been making lately - first school and that boy Hunter. Now Luke Henson." Mom shrugs in disappointment, as if I'm a lost cause and not her struggling daughter.
Taking a deep breath, I blink hard for a second before meeting her stare.
"You know what? You're right, Mom. I'm sorry that I've been such a disappointment." I wipe harshly at my damp skin. "But that was to be expected, right? That's what I've always been. Casey being gone doesn't magically change that."
I try for the stairs, so I can get to my room and sob, punch my pillow before screaming into it until I exhaust myself into a restless sleep, but Mom stops me, grabbing my wrist.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Her eyes are hard on mine.
"It means that just because you couldn't save Casey, doesn't mean you can turn me into him now that he's gone."
At that, she drops her hand, her face telling me that I've all but broken her heart. Still, her words keep coming. "That's not... We're not..."
"No? Then why do you keep forcing Casey's decisions on me?" I gesture to my father, lamely sitting on the sofa. "Why can't Dad even look at me since he died?" My voice breaks. "I can't be Casey, Mom. And I am done trying."
This time, when I rush up the stairs, she doesn't stop me.
I slam my bedroom door, sinking against it as soon as it's closed and bury my face in my hands. Pain ripples through me, making it hard to think, to breathe. I gasp for air, the steady stream of tears soaking the stupid fucking Hensons t-shirt, and my vision begins to blur.
"Enough!" Mom's shouting is what interrupts my sobs, jerking my head up at the sound. Hiccuping, I try to quiet my cries and strain to hear through the door.
Grams voice is low and barely audible. She's arguing, though, I can tell.
"I will not be told how to parent my daughter."
Grams voice, louder now. "She needs to know."
Mom, again. "She needs help. Which is exactly what I will get for her. I'm making the call as soon as we're driving. I'm her mother, June. I decide how to help my daughter. Not you. You have to respect that."
Grams grumbles and again, I can't hear anything. Then the front door slams and the sound of my parents car pulling away drowns out anything else, anyways.
With that, my heart rate begins to slow. But the tears don't - they keep coming and coming and coming. Hugging my knees to my chest, I ignore her when Grams knocks on the door to ask if I'm alright.
No, I'm not alright. I'm the farthest thing from it.
But whatever advice she has to offer, I don't need it. I don't need Mom micromanaging every decision I make. And I don't fucking need help.
I just need everyone to leave me alone.
And I really fucking need Casey.
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Hi everyone! Long time no see. Thank you for all of the support on my little announcement earlier. And an even bigger thank you for your patience! You all mean the world to me. I promise to get back to everyone soon ♥️ I'm hanging in there and was actually super excited to get this written and edited for you guys
A super sad chapter for Dylan - what do we think? Is her mom just trying to help or to replace Casey? What's grams talking about?
