Softly, you whisper

Seventeen

Seventeen

My hand tightened on the doorknob as I hesitated on visiting Nori again. I knew it was impossible for her to recover in a matter of days of staying. I knew my effort wasn't enough for her to be pulled away from that trauma.

I sighed heavily as my eyes dropped down to the long-stemmed rose that I brought for her. She'd been in the hospital for a week now and there's no sign of improvement. She still keeps on staring at the wall, not blinking for hours. Kapag may bibisita sa kaniyang kwarto, wala rin siyang kibo. It was as if her environment was empty. At some point, she would break and shout. She was having hallucinations and uttering words and names that I am not familiar of.

Those names must be the people she was with through the years. Nori was regretting everything. I can hear it through her struggling voice and her shaking figure everytime.

I didn't want to see her in that state again. It was breaking my heart seeing the one I love trapped in the darkness of a tragic experience. Nori was precious and fragile for me and I don't want anyone else to hurt her. But in just a single snap, the life within her vanished.

I've read a couple reports about the fire that happened in their area. It was not that far from here and I was able to contact one of their neighbors who brought her to the hospital. Ang sabi nila matagal na raw na nakatira roon si Nori. They've summed it to five years which means that two years after her disappearance, she started living in that area.

It wasn't her family but the neighbors said that it was an orphanage. Nori works at the orphanage. I can still recall the conversation I had with their neighbor.

"May kasama 'yan sa bahay nila, Sir. Nanay niya po ata pero namatay na 'yon last year pa po."

"Ano pong pangalan ng nanay niya?"

"Minerva, Sir. Dalawa lang po sila diyan kaya noong mamatay 'yung nanay ni Ava eh madalas na po talaga siya diyan sa orphanage."

I'm still shock about the fact that Nori's mom had been with her for many years. She knew that I was looking for Nori. She knew that I badly wanted to see her daughter again...so why? Why would she hide Nori away from me?

Pushing the door open, I was welcomed by her faint vanilla scent. Alam kong hindi naman iyon ang kadalasan niyang amoy and I've missed her strawberry scent. I guess a lot of things has changed now.

"Hey," I whispered as I approached her sitting figure. Malapit siya sa bintana ngayon at nakatanaw sa labas ng ospital. She's at the third floor so she could easily see what's happening outside.

"I brought you flowers, Nori. Walang tulips na available so I brought you a rose. I hope you like it still."

Nilingon ko ang kaniyang tinitingnan. The sky was clear and the sun was already up. Maliwanag ang buong kwarto dahil bukas ang mga bintana. The light breeze that entered the room made the strands of her hair move fluidly as if following an invisible path.

"Do you want to go out in the garden? O mas gusto mo rito?" I asked her again. I was aware that I couldn't get a response but still, communication works. If she can hear me then gradually, she'll recognize my voice. She'll recognize me.

She did not say anything but when I lifted her off and transferred her on a wheelchair, she clung to me like her life depended on it. Some of the nurses greeted me as I rolled down her wheelchair on the hallway.

The fresh breeze of air coming from the outside welcome us as I neared the door. I felt some of the strands of Nori's hair at the back of my hands as I pushed the wheelchair outside. I stopped at the large mango tree, settling her there.

I sat on the grass, facing her, not minding that I'll soil my uniform. Humawak ako sa magkabilang gilid ng kaniyang wheelchair at tiningala siya. I smiled unknowingly as her hair cascaded softly on the white uniform that she's wearing.

"Better, isn't it?" I asked her quietly. She seems to be enjoying the new environment despite not showing much of emotions. I won't get used to this. I have to do something. I knew, I had to.

I had so many questions to ask. How she disappeared, how she reconciled with her mother. I wanted to ask a lot of things because it seems that I was fooled in the past or so I thought.

Maybe she had reasons on why she did that. Gusto ko lang malaman.

"Nori, you wanted to become a nurse before right? Sinabi mo iyon sa akin." I chuckled. "Look at me now, oh? I am a nurse kahit wala naman sa plano ko. You're the one who popped into my mind when I made the decision. I know you only dreamed it for yourself but you know what? I was looking forward to become a nurse and work alongside with you. How ironic life must be huh?"

I sighed heavily as my hands found hers on top of her lap. "How ironic that I became a nurse and you're now my patient."

"Ako na lang ang nangarap para sa ating dalawa, Nori. I became a nurse to fulfill yours because I have no idea if you're still here or not. I knew at the back of my mind that you're alive and that you're doing okay. I knew it but I just...couldn't find you. My heart always seeks for you, Nori."

As the wind blows softly and penetrated my skin, I felt her warmth on my hands. Walang kibo man, ramdam ko pa rin ang init ng pagtanggap niya sa aking mga kamay.

I wish one day I could wake up with her beside me. I wish that one day I could see her warm and beaming smile again. My existence had become more meaningful with Nori in it and when she disappeared it feels like a part of me had been missing.

For years, my heart felt empty. Kahit alam kong naiisip ko siya, it wasn't enough. The thought of her will never  be enough. Hinahanap siya ng puso ko. I could never moved on from Nori.

"Nori, you told me before that you don't need saving. But right now, you don't need to tell me that. I want to save you from that darkness and be with me again," I whispered to her as I kissed her cold hands. A droplet of tear rolled down my eye and to the surface of her hand. She was cold but I feel the warmth of home when I am with her.

I was a tough guy but seeing Nori, it showed me how weak I was for her. Pero hindi ko kailangan ng pagsuko ngayon. Nori needs me right now.

"How is Nori?" Vernon asked as he picked me up from work. Sumalampak ako agad sa front seat ng kaniyang sasakyan.

"Still no progress."

"It's going to be fine, Zoe. You know the healing process isn't that easy especially if it came from a trauma."

I was aware of that. Being in this kind of profession, I know that what the patient needs is tender care and not a forceful process of healing. They are delicate and fragile. They've been into different forms of abuse, intentional and unintentional, whatever form they maybe, they still deserve the utmost care that we professionals should give them.

Nori dealt with her childhood days of being alone. She spends most of her time gardening and reading books in her room because her parents did not give an ounce of attention to her. For her, what she possessed was all she could treasure. Until she found me. And for me, my fun days with basketball and family were the things that I treasure the most...until I found her.

And I found her again after seven years of not seeing each other. I found her again after seven years of yearning and dealing with life with a missing piece in my heart.

I want to take care of Nori. And what I only wish the most is for her to come back to me so that we could fulfill our promise to each other.

"It will get better, Zoe. Trust me. Trust the process." Vernon tapped my shoulder.

Funny how things turned out after years of spending in school and being with professionals. Maraming bagay na nagbago. Vernon who was almost childish before matured in his line of work. My cousins they are all living a better life, with their own family and with successful careers. We've all changed for the better.

I hope tomorrow would turn out better for Nori, too.

And I too. I wanna hope so much until the world gets tired of it.