okay so back before s12 came out, i went through a list of everything i hoped / wanted to happen (i think i posted it one of my shitpost books?), and ive just found it again so ive decided to go back and see how many things came true and also make one for s13, bc i want to (and since theyve announced the airdate for "The Halloween Apocalypse" — its such a cheesy name i love it)
so without further ado, heres the list of things i had hoped would happen in s12 (edited for your convenience) alongside my thoughts about what actually happened!! woo!!
- dark Thirteen (yep! got it!)
FUCK YEAH MY DUDES WE GOT IT. i will give Chibnall that he did allow for Thirteen to go absolutely feral at some points. special notes go out to the conversation in nikola teslas night of terror ("have you ever seen a dead planet?" / "ive seen more then you could have possibly imagined") and every scene w/ the Doctor and dhawan!master ("all this death. finally made you happy?" / "ecstatic." / "and has it calmed all the rage?")
- return of cybermen alongside reference to Bill (got like ... half and three quarters)
the cybermen returned and one vague allusion to Bill, tho it was mostly talking about the cybermen in general ("i will not loose anybody else to that!") so. kind got it?? at least the new version of the cybermen were cool, even if they only stuck around for like one episode then died immediately lmao
- another queer companion — preferably Ryan as mlm or Yaz as a wlw but any would work (did not get frowny face)
Chibnall you fucking coward
- possible companion death — preferably Graham but again any would work (did not get smiley face question mark)
Chibnall you fucking coward x2
- new cool monster that becomes one of the series main scary but recurring villain on par with the daleks, cybermen, weeping angels, etc, etc (did not get!! mega frowny face!!)
CHIBNALL YOU FUCKING COWARD x3
- overarching story (oh boy did we ever get it)
man not only did we get an overarching plotline, but we got a fucking entire series retcon!! Chibnall really took the "s11 was so boring it didnt have an overarching plotline and everything felt flat :(" criticism to heart didnt he huh
- return of beloved character — River, Jack, possibly new incarnation of the Master (we got two!! Chibnall i take back what i said ilysm heart emoji)
EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU CHIBNALL FOR GIVING US DHAWAN!MASTER AND THE RETURN OF JACK. JOHN BARROWMAN MIGHT BE A FUCKING CREEP BUT WE GOT SACHA DHAWAN AND THE MASTER AND JACK BACK <3 ONLY THING THAT COULD MAKE IT BETTER WAS IF THEY INTERACTED ON SCREEN BUT IM HAPPY WITH WHAT WE GOT
- more historical episodes (we got two which is better then none ig?)
we got uhhhhhhh nikola teslas night of terror and the haunting of villa diodati and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh thats it. now that i think about, i feel like most of Thirteens episodes have happened on Earth?? let me count for a sec.
so, just counted. nine of Thirteens episode take place primarily on Earth in the present, seven of Thirteens episode take place primarily on Earth in either the past, future, or an alt. timeline, and five of Thirteens episode take place primarily on a different place, a spaceship, or simply somewhere that isnt Earth. obviously they bounce around alot so i mostly just focused on where the majority of the episode takes place, but yeah. i was correct.
- episode in which the time war/gallifrey is revealed to companions and they realize the Doctor has a dark past (i mean ... technically)
didnt talk about the time war, or even really about Gallifrey, but yeah they did technically learn about it given how dhawan!master burst through the metaphorical 'must be level four friend to unlock my tragic backstory' walls Thirteen had up like the fucking kool aid man
- more references to past adventures, companions and incarnations — nothing big, but kinda like they did with Kerblam! with Thirteen finding a fez (nope. upsetting)
theres nothing really i can think off so im gonna have to say this didnt happen :( they did use the drumbeat tho, so ill give them that
- more classic who references (not explicit but yeah we got it!)
dhawan!Master used the tissue compressor so that counts as a reference in my book
- episode where companions see all of the Doctors past faces (hell yeah)
the companions never saw all their faces but the audience did, including some WE even didnt know about, so im counting it. poetic cinema when the Doctor breaks out of the matrix by remembering all their past lives to the theme song playing in the background.
- episode similar to Time Heist (no)
before you say anything, "Spyfall" doesnt count
- episode similar to Midnight (no)
no, "Can You Hear Me" doesnt count either
- Thirteen gets an office job (no)
come on Chibnall they already ate dirt that one time, im sure they would just down a bunch of staples and revel in the surrounding shock it would get them.
- Thirteen being very confused with gender (fuck yeah)
the Doctor being confused by gender is the funniest fucking thing. gender is all a joke anyways. "apparating man!! lady!! apparating lady!! every time."
- NO LOVE INTREST FOR THE DOCTOR!! (depends on if you count the Master)
FUCK romance for the Doctor expect for whatever the fuck them and the Master have going on. the kneel scene™️? the chokefest on the eiffel tower™️?? the weird ass power dynamics and worship and self esteem issues they have going on?? the "become death become me come on come on come on" speech the Master gives while staring death (the Doctor) in the face, encouraging them to kill both of them?? man it sure aint the healthiest but its fun to watch!
OKAY now time for what i hope to happen in s13 >:) mischievous face is necessary
- more dark Thirteen. ik we got it already but i WILL be pushing my dark Thirteen agenda fuck you
- recurring / notable villain for Thirteen!!! Nine had the empty child Ten had the weeping angels Eleven had the silence Twelve had the monks but Thirteen hasnt had anything!!!! Chibnall i am begging you!!
- more dhawan!master. ik its pretty much confirmed already but i love him. insane little meow meow
- weird creepy / murdery episode a la Midnight
- another historical episode
- actual heist episode
- more Gallifrey angst
- more gender jokes
- more Thirteen eating random shit
- more references to past episodes
- more references to past companions
- Thirteen wears that specific™️ brand of orange spacesuit each Doctor since Ten has worn. its a tradition
- Thirteen vs Yaz conflict while Dan stands in the back going "wow i cant believe we're in space!"
- Graham and Ryan at least make a cameo appearance
- someone says a swear word. can it be the Doctor? maybe. can it be Yaz? also likely! i personally think that at least one character should get to say fuck but ik that prob wont happen. but imagine if it actually did tho —
YOU ARE READING
shitpost book #5
Randomwelcome back to me ranting about whatever, assorted fandom shitposts, and me trying be to funny. don't come in here thinking there's gonna be jokes, it's mostly me crying.
