Not perfect but kinda, almost

The recovery...

"Well I guess I can handle to go back to school, but I need at least two more days to recover." ( or calm down or whatever you want to call it ) I say, quiet happy *for once*

"yeah, so that's why I suggest you start on Monday." my dad says very gladly like he didn't thought I would think going back to school was a good idea, but I do

"Okay then." I say

"well, school starts on Monday so be ready." he say and wink at me, he then turn around and walk out of my room and slowly close the white door behind him.

This may sound weird but I'm actually pretty exited to start school again and it's not because I'm not sad anymore or that I have started to forget about him.

It's just that I need distraction from all my thoughts and what's better than school in this case?

But I'm still a bit worried, because school is never going to be the same without him and what happens if I can't keep it together and starts to cry In front of everybody, that can't happen...

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3 days later

Today's Friday and I have actually accomplished a couple of things, like I have started to eat again which I good, then I have also managed to go out from my room and that feels greate and I haven't cried for at least 24 hours which is the greatest.

**********************

I'm slowly going down the stairs because I'm still pretty tired even tho it's 11am, since it's Friday I'm home alone cause mom and dad works and Tyler are at school so I have the whole house for my self.

Even tho it can be nice to be home alone I really want someone to come home, especially Tyler, I haven't talked to him since that morning last week and my mom said that he had been really sad to, mom said that after I went up to my room when we came home she had told my dad and Tyler what happened and apparently Tyler started to cry, which breaks my heart, even if I think he can be really laborious sometimes he's still my little brother and I love him with all my heart, so when my mom told me that he had a breakdown, I wished I could be down there with him to comfort him, but I don't think he had wanted me to.

I walk towards the kitchen, and on my way there I walk past our big mirror in the hall and out of habit I turn my head towards the mirror, and what I can see is not very beautiful.

OMG what happened to me!

My light brown hair is a big mess on my head right now, and it looks just like a bird's nest, so if I'm going out I think I will have to wear a hat or else I'm almost sure that some sort of bird would like to Seattle down their.

I reweave the rest of my body, noticing that I have been wearing the same pajamas all week and that I'm not feeling very fresh, so why not take a shower, it's not like I have something else to do, right.

I walk up to my room, towards the bathroom, I step in side the bathroom and switch the lights on and close the door, even tho nobody's home.

I turn the shower on and let the water stream for a moment so I don't have to shower in ice cold water, then I take off all my Clothes and step in to the now hot water that streams from the sealing, I just stand there for a moment, letting the hot water stream down my body, and I'm enjoying the relaxing feeling, after a while I open my eyes and I start to lubricate myself with a Victoria's Secret shower gel and I also shave my legs for once before rinsing it all of, I then take some shampoo and conditioner in the sentence vanilla and wash my very tangly and dirty hair, after that I turn the shower off, wrapping a towel around my body and stepping out of the shower and on to the cold black marble floor, I can hear the drops falling and splash on the floor, making the floor shiny and slippery.

After drying my body and blow dry my hair I quietly walk in to my closet "like I'm afraid that someone is going to hear me, even tho I'm home alone, I think

I really don't want to wear anything except my pajamas, but I can't live in it so I decide to wear something comfortable, I start with putting on some comfy underwear, I then walk towards the big drawers with shirts and pants, I open the drawer with basic t-shirts and start to look for a white or black t-shirt but I can't find any

so typical

I open the second big drawer with flannels, and there I find a pink and green cotton flannel that I take and put on, it's a little bit to big and airy but I'm not going to see anyone except my family so I don't really care, I then open a drawer with shorts and find a pair of light washed forever 21 shorts with silver buttons that matches my earrings (not because anyone would notice or care about it, but I do)

I glare at myself in the mirror before I put on my silver watch from Aeropostale, and for once I actually look presentable which make me grin a bit.

I then remember that I haven't got the mail that I promised my mom to take in.

I run down to the hall, heading towards the door, I don't bother to put shoes on so I just open our big brown door and step out in warm and sunny weather.

I haven't been out in over a week, so the bright light makes me glare out over the garden.

I slightly close the door behind me and walk down the few stairs that leads to our lawn, I walk on the soft grass to our black mailbox with the number 1117 on it, I open it and take out everything in it, it's a newspaper, two letters for my dad...and one for me.

my heart drops when I notice the hand written words on the outside
of the envelop

~To: Amanda Miller
From: Jane Mcallister~

It's from Matthew's mother.

I really don't want to open this letter because I already know what's inside, but I'm going to open it anyway, not because I want to, but I'm doing it for Matthew.

When I heading back towards the house I get a weird feeling in my stomach, and it almost feels like someone is watching me, I stop and turn around...
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Author note.

Thanks for reading chapter 5, don't forget to follow, comment and vote

Xoxo
~Bella

(Unedited)