I Want It All | Spencer Reid x Reader

49

Desiree hugged you tight, before pulling away and lifting her hands up to your face to wipe your tears. You giggled, doing the same to her, "Whenever you can, come to Arizona and visit me. Maybe if Spencer ever has a case there, you can go with him. I already sent you my address and my new phone number, both work and personal," Desiree said.

"I'm so happy for you, Des," you exclaimed, wrapping your arms around her once again. "You got everything you've ever dreamed of," you beamed. Desiree sighed, "So have you, Y/N."

You pulled away, staring into Desiree's eyes with a smile on your face, "Yeah, I guess we both got what we wanted." She smiled, "Yeah we did."

"Hey, babe? Are you ready to go?" Cameron shouted. Desiree gave you a sad smile, "Yeah, just give me a few minutes. I'll meet you downstairs," she responded.

You heard the door close and Desiree said, "Before I leave, I want to ask you something." You asked, "What is it?" She pulled you in for a hug and asked, "Are you ok?"

Fuck.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be ok?" you mumbled. Desiree sighed, pulling away from the hug, placing her hands on your shoulders and looking into your eyes, "Because I know you, Y/N and I can tell when you aren't doing ok, so please don't lie to me."

You sighed, tilting your head up and closing your eyes, trying to stop any tears from falling. "I--I can't stop playing that day at the hospital in my head. I haven't thought about it since I left the hospital and I'm not saying that it's Spencer's fault, but he brought up the day I was shot three weeks ago after he had a panic attack. And ever since then, I wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and breathing frantically. Every time I close my eyes that day plays in my head on repeat. I started seeing my therapist again and every single time she asks me to explain to her what happened that day, I--I can't seem to say anything. Spencer also started seeing a therapist and he's already been cleared to go back to work, whereas I haven't been able to say a fucking word to my therapist."

Desiree pulled you in for a hug again, running her hands up and down your back slowly as she let you cry in her arms. "Y/N, I know you think this isn't going to help, but you should talk to Spencer about this. He knows more than I do. I can't say I know what you are feeling because I don't and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I wish you would've told me something sooner, but you've always been like this, you like to bottle up all of your emotions and try to make others around you happy while you struggle. When you get home, I want you to talk to Spencer."

"He's working on a case right now," you whimpered. Desiree shook her head, "Honey, I know that you may think that that is more important than you right now, but it isn't. Spencer isn't the only one working the case, his entire team is. So, go home and tell him you want to talk. You will probably sit there in silence for a while, but as time passes, you will eventually say something. And I know this because that's what you did with me. You sat in silence before you finally told me everything."

You tears fell harder, clutching onto her, you sobbed, "T-Thank you."

"You're welcome," Desiree consoled.

After she let you cry in her arms, you eventually pulled away, wiping your own tears and flashing her a smile. "Ready to go?" she asked, extending her hand waiting for you to take it. You hummed in response, grabbing a hold of her hand and walking out of the apartment with her.

Once you both made it downstairs, she walked you to your car, giving you a final hug, "Are you ok to drive home?" she asked. "Yeah, I'm ok," you nodded against her neck. "If you ever feel like you want to talk, don't be afraid to call me, Y/N," Desiree continued. "Same goes for you," you mumbled. Desiree pulled away, flashing you a smile, and letting you get into your car. You slid in, turning your car on, and rolling down your windows to say something to Desiree. "Wishing you the best with everything," you beamed.