MOVING IN STEREO

FADE INTO YOU

"I wanna hold the hand inside you.

I wanna take the breath; that's true.

I look to you, and I see nothing.

I look to you to see the truth.

You live your life; you go in shadows.

You'll come apart, and you'll go black.

Some kind of night into your darkness

Colors your eyes with what's not there

Fade into you

Strange, you never knew."

Fade Into You

Mazzy Star

Believe it or not, there soon came times when I could not go home. Could not. Sometimes it went on for days. Sure I went home to change, maybe shower, but I was only there for an hour or less, no sleep, no thinking, no looking around and wringing my hands and reading messages from friends asking me to snap out of it. I would drive into the city, work my shift at the nameless insurance company, go straight to the station if I had picked up an early shift, or, as this was the case, find my way back to older stomping grounds.

When I walked into the Vortex, I couldn't remember the last time I had been there. The place hadn't changed; it never did. It wasn't even really crowded as it was mid-week. I walked up and sat at the bar, and much to my surprise, Lori walked out from the back. She stopped when she saw me and smiled. She pulled a glass from the clean rack and poured a draft for me as she approached.

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in." She said curtly, glancing around to ensure she was not needed elsewhere.

Then she leaned on the bar and focused on me.

"How have you been?" I asked.

She shrugged. Her hair was still black like that of a silky Halloween cat. It was much shorter than before, only coming to her shoulders.

"How's Brian?" I continued.

She curled her lips, wrinkled her nose, and shrugged once more.

"Don't know. He got arrested again for doing something stupid. We broke up a while back, for good this time. I think he moved or something. I haven't talked to him. Don't care."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that."

"No big deal. Life goes on. What about you? Where's the hot little ballerina?"

"She's in Europe. She's touring with Cirque du Soleil now."

Lori was impressed.

"You miss her?" She taunted.

"I do."

I could feel my eyes burning as we talked. It happened so suddenly.

Lori's demeanor changed. Her smile was replaced with a look of concern.

"Nick, is she gone?"

All I could do was nod. No more words. Lori placed her hand on my arm.

"Hey," she said in a near whisper.

"I'm going on break. Do you want to go with me? I'm going to walk over to Baby Tommy's and get a slice of pizza. You can eat dinner with me, and we can catch up.  You can tell me everything."