no feelings || jenzie

fifty one

johnny

here i was sitting hunched back with my hands clenched together waiting for kenzie, that's if she was even going to come

i had told lauren to ask kenzie to meet me on the dock later in the day i accidentally forgot to say a time so yes i had been here for nearly 2 hours but i guess that shows how much she means to me

+

text messages
with
lauren🙄

johnny
u think she's gonna
show ?

lauren🙄
well she said she was
going to the toilet and
it's been like 20 minutes
so unless she fell in i
think that she's with u

johnny
oh fuck

lauren🙄
what?!?!!!

johnny
brb

lauren🙄
wtf johnny

lauren🙄
hellooooo??!!!

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i see a shadow making the long walk down to the dock and quickly realise that's it's kenzie, i stand up and shove my phone in my pocket not knowing what to do as she is still walking down i lift my hands to the back of my head and turn away to look at the lake not wanting her so see how excited yet anxious i was that we were finally going to talk

i take a long breath before turning back to the girl who at this point was standing a metre in front of me

"hey" i say with the biggest smile on my face

"hi" she answers standing coldly with her arms crossed glancing between me and the floor

"i'm sorry" i sit down pulling a chair closer for her to sit down on

"i don't want to talk unless you actually have something to say to me except for im sorry"
my heart hurts hearing that as i know that's the only thing i can say as i have no words to say that'll get her to forgive me

"i know kenz, just please sit down"
i gesture to the seat next to me

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kenzie

i see the glisten in johnny's eyes as i look at him, i nod and sit down as he asked not wanting to see him more upset

"i need you to know that i would never, ever do anything to hurt you"
"you mean the world to me and you always will, you were, are" he stutters
"you are the only person i've ever loved"

"what about your family" i say

"i was born to love my family i wasn't born to love you kenzie"

i glance up at him and slightly turn my face confusingly

"i mean of course i love my family there my family i have to love them, but kenzie you made me love you, you made me fall madly in love with you know one else has done that to me, and i don't believe anyone else could make me love them the way i love you" his voice breaks and he turns away as is see a tear fall from his eye

"johnny" i extend my hand to his

i pause not knowing what to say or what i'm doing, why am i giving in to him after everything that's happened i think to myself

"this is to much for me at the moment, i don't have anything to say to you cause i need to process this all, but please i don't want you to be upset... please"
he looks over to me and another tear falls, i flinch as my hand makes it's way to my face and wipes away the tear, i'm clearly not thinking at the moment

we both freeze as we stair deeply into each others eyes both of us having watery eyes
my hand is still on his face cupping his cheek and in this moment i ignore the thoughts in my head and follow my heart as i passionately lean in crashing my lips into his, i can feel the delay in his movements as i can tell that he is utterly shocked in the moment but he soon kisses me back with just as much passion

i cup his face and he places his hands around my waist and i jump at the coldness of them, i let a smile escape from my mouth and i can feel his mouth escapes one as well but just in the moment my thoughts come back to me and i realise what i am doing

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johnny

i smile feeling her lips form a smile as my heart beats a million miles an hour but that stops as i feel her quickly pull away from me and i know what to expect next

"i'm sorry that was an accident, i don't know why i did that" she says standing up and backing away

he voice is shaky as she speaks again "i have to go" she says as i see tears fall from her eyes and she turns around and runs back in the opposite direction back to the house

i feel the same feeling as before as i watch the girl i love run away just as i had felt like things were getting better

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text messages
with
lauren🙄

johnny
oh fuck

lauren🙄
what?!?!!!

johnny
brb

lauren🙄
wtf johnny

lauren🙄
hellooooo??!!!
sent at 9:47
_________

johnny
fuck

+

i press send as tears trickle down my face and onto the screen, that hadn't gone to plan

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