No Escape

Chapter 19

The following week, no one could concentrate on anything other than that meeting. It seemed like a silly idea, and Ellie Maisie felt slightly embarrassed for being the one who proposed it, but it got them somewhere, and that was all she cared about. The scariest part of this rebellion was staying alive. No one suspected anything, but then again it wasn't below this government to torture, extort, and scare the truth out of any of them. Cindy had been right. She could die at any minute. Even if no one leaked any information now, once the plan was in motion, people would die and she could be one of them. Her

friends could be one of them. Her family could be one of them. Either way, she wanted to participate. If this was the end, if this was her destiny, if this was the way she was supposed to die, then so be it. She couldn't think of a more noble way to die than fighting against oppression. She'd lie awake at night, wondering, rather praying that this would work.
"Are you okay?" Ariana asked her one night, noticing how she would not fall asleep.
"No," she whispered back.
"Are you scared?"
"Terrified"
"That's good. Use it."
"Really?"

"There are three things that motivate people, love, fear, and money. At this moment, love is dead and money doesn't exist, so fear is all we have."
"I don't know how to react to that advice. Isn't fear the root of prejudice?"
"Yeah"
"So?"
"We're screwed."
"You're a very interesting philosopher Ariana."
"I'm not a philosopher, I just say every smart-sounding thing that passes through my mind."
"Well, I disagree. Fear is just going to destroy the world even

more. I say we get rid of it, and we only use love as our weapon."
"So, how do you plan to erase fear?"
"I don't know. This whole fear and love thing is complicated. Why don't we just use actual weapons?"
"Because that's extremism"
"Isn't fear also an extreme?"
"We can discuss this all night, or we can just rest."
"I'd love to be unconscious right about now," Ellie Maisie sighed.
"Then just close your eyes," Ariana suggested.
Sure enough, they both drifted off to sleep.
That morning was just as tiring as the night. It was just a sitting

game, and Ellie Maisie felt the life drain out of her as the hours went by. She couldn't do much other than just sit there. She was dying from boredom, missing her friends, longing for her family. She'd never been in a position like this. Her freedom felt like it was just around the corner, but was so far away at the same time. The only things that crossed her mind were the same five repetitive thoughts. What if I die? What if my friends die? What if my brother dies? What if nothing is the same ever again? What if we fail? What if I die? What if my friends die? What if my brother dies? What if nothing is the same ever again? What if we fail? What if I die? What if my friends die? What if my brother dies? What if nothing is the same ever again? What if we fail?

What if I die? What if my friends die? What if my brother dies? What if nothing is the same ever again? What if we fail? What if I die? What if my friends die? What if my brother dies? What if nothing is the same ever again? What if we fail? What if I die? What if my friends die? What if my brother dies? What if nothing is the same ever again? What if we fail? What if? What if? What if? What if? This was not a strange concept for her. This was anxiety, and funnily enough, she hadn't experienced much of it throughout her life. She normally had everything figured out. Her life was like a game of chess. She had to have every move planned out, she had to think ahead, and she always figured her problems out confidently and with ease, but circumstances

change. One minute you're this intelligent, successful defense attorney, battling it out in court to acquit an obviously guilty businessman, the next minute you're living in a torturous, treacherous, misogynistic, extremist, religious dystopia that sounds like it was taken from a Margaret Atwood novel. No one prepared her for this. No one told her in college, 'hey one day you'll be imprisoned because of your gender and the fact that you have a powerful job'. It just happened. And now she was in this state of mind. She couldn't escape depression's tight grasp. Every time she tried to swim for shore, it was like another wave crashed down on her, dragging her deeper than before. She spiraled again. What if I die? What if my friends die? What if my brother