Clinging On (KARLNAP)

Ch 20 "Shoelaces"

TW: Self harm, Suicide, Sexual Implications, Domestic Abuse

KARL POV

I woke up at 3 am. Of course I couldn't stay asleep. I had Sapnap holding on to me, as I lay on my side, spooning yet again. When did he take his shirt off?

Now he's slept in my bed once without a shirt, and I've seen him shirtless multiple times when we were friends and not together.

He has quite a bit of chest hair, but it fits his scruffiness. It's strangely comforting being in his grasp, though I know it's an intimate position we're in. But yet I lay here under his arms, his hairy, scarred, and burnt-over arms. I couldn't help but move my hands so that I could trace his arms. The texture was something sad, but to me it proved to me his will to live. His bumpy and scratched skin was something I adored having around me. I love having his rough scars scratch against my skin. It means a lot to know he feels comfortable enough to show his scars openly to me. He wears short sleeves around me, and he doesn't make an effort to hide his arms, and now he's shirtless hugging me with his bare and visible arms.

The date he took me on was something out of a fairytale. It was so perfect.

The dinner, the view, the night sky, the quilt, the stars, the music, the dancing, the kiss, everything was perfect.

My first date, Nick.

My Boyfriend, Nick.

My Soulmate, Nick.

I'm so lucky.

My mom would have loved Sapnap, probably as much as I love him.

If these soulmate marks are real for me, like they were for my mom and dad, does that mean this is it?

My life will be with Sapnap's for forever...

Does this mean I'll marry Sapnap?

These are all such crazy thoughts, I just had a first date with him, I'm getting too ahead of myself. I don't need to stress about marrying him.

Though, what would our wedding be like?

How do gay weddings work again? Who walks down the aisle?

Ugh, I'm so uneducated.

I feel my eyes grow heavy, it's about time too. I finally close them and get some shut eye.

As I wake up, I can hear my dad getting dressed.

Immediately I got up, I felt bad for leaving Sapnap's arms but I wanted to talk to my dad about last night, I mean it was my first date, he should know about it.

I walked to my dad's room and he had just gotten done with putting his shirt on. "Hey." I called out to him at the doorway.

"Oh, hey, good morning." He says warmly as he opens his sock drawer to put socks on.

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you about my date last night." I felt my cheeks tug at a smile that I couldn't dare to force a straight face.

"You went on a date? Really? How'd it go?!" He asked as he unbundled his socks.

"Oh it was perfect. I've never been on a date so I have nothing to compare it with but I'm pretty sure that it was probably one of the best dates imaginable to mankind." I smiled and I could feel my face heat up.

"What did y'all do?" My dad asked with a smile that was fatherly, I could see his excitement shine from the slight smirk.

"We went on a little picnic. Oh, and we stargazed! It honestly was really sweet, and it made me remember how mom and I would go stargazing. It was so beautiful out too, the stars were so big and bright. Perfect weather, perfect food, perfect sky. Then we danced! We danced and it was so much fun. It also reminded me of Mom, do you remember how she'd get bored and all of a sudden would grab me and try to make me dance with her?" I looked to my dad who had completely stopped putting his sock on to listen.