Clinging On (KARLNAP)

Ch 4 "Peanut butter And Bananas"

TW: Anxious Thoughts,

Sapnap Pov

The afternoon went by much smoother. Karl and I had played some csgo some minecraft and it's been a good day. I haven't had a good day in awhile.
   My hunger in real life started to dawn on me, it was nearly 12, and we haven't had lunch yet. I look to Karl who looks at me, his ivy colored eyes staring into mine. "Hey maybe it's time we take a break and eat something."
   "Yeah, I'm getting hungry, let me see what I have." Karl says getting up from his chair. He walks out of his room and races downstairs. I take my time, slowly stepping down, following where Karl went. I watched him open up the cabinets before grabbing bread and a jar of peanut butter, he sat it down on the kitchen island and I sat down at one of the barstools. Karl dances around the kitchen. He's so careless, but it was cute- I mean funny to watch him twirl about.
  He gets two plates and sets them down. He then does a leap (not a good one) to the fruit bowl and he grabs a banana then gets a paper towel. He set the banana on the paper towel before remembering something. He grooves his way to his knife stand before taking it out and he starts pretending it's a sword. I couldn't help but let a chuckle slide. Karl notices and stops and does the two fingers shy boy pose.
  "I didn't know I was getting free entertainment." I add as Karl smiles playfully and he picks up the knife and points it at me.
  "You owe me now," He says threateningly. We stare at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter.
  "Here let me help you, I'll make my sandwich." Karl smiles as I got up to go to his side of the island. I got a slice of bread and I laid it on my plate. I grab the peanut butter and I open it. I realized I needed a butter knife, I looked anxiously around, before I laid my eyes on a silverware shaped drawer. I pull the drawer out before grabbing a butter knife. I got the butter knife and I grabbed the jar of peanut butter, I opened it and got some on my butter knife and I was spreading it onto my bread slice. I got done pretty quickly so I sat the butter knife into the peanut butter jar for Karl to use.
   Karl had just started slicing the bananas which was fine. I reached over and stole one. Karl looked at me with a hurt expression. "Why'd you steal my banana slice" He says in a baby voice.
  "I felt like it, hold on let me just-" I quickly grabbed another and dropped it into my mouth.
  "You did not..." Karl says with a spark of playfulness in his voice.
  "I did and what are you gonna do about-" Karl quickly went for the peanut butter and stuck his finger on the rim of it before smearing peanut butter on my cheek.
  "Dude I'm gonna breakout because of this!" I shouted, Karl was laughing, until I grabbed the peanut butter knife.
  "Sapnap, don't do it." Karl hesitantly says before taking off. I chased him holding the knife, Karl giggled loudly as I chased him in circles around the kitchen and the living room. Karl thought he was safe behind the couch and he turned around and started spanking his butt at me. I rolled my eyes right before I jumped over the couch and I tackled him to the ground. I flipped Karl over, and he's busy laughing his face off to wear his cheeks turned red.  "Sapnap!" He laughed out and then I took the knife and smeared peanut butter on his nose. Karl was laughing as was I, I realized there was still a clump of peanut butter on the knife. I took my finger and I swiped it off the knife and I dabbed it onto his nose.
   "Now we'll both breakout." I said, feeling pleased. Karl rolls his eyes and tries to lick his nose. We laughed for a minute, I opened my eyes from squeezing them shut from laughter and I stared at Karl who was underneath me, his brown fluffy hair bouncing every time he laughed, and his cheeks would always blush up. It was so charming in a way, and yet endearing.
   I got off of him and I held my hand out, he grabbed mine and that's when I noticed something, his hand was turning colors. It's his soulmate mark. I don't know much about them except the fact they change color when their soulmate touches them or some crap. "Alright, back to making lunch without any battles."
  "I agree!" Karl quickly got back to the kitchen with me following behind him. "Great, now we're gonna need another butter knife cuz you wasted the other one... on my face." Karl got a new butter knife and got some peanut butter.
   "Hey it was totally worth it."
   "Sapnap you're something else."
   "What do you mean by that?" I say defensively through a fake offended tone.
   Karl laughs it off before going back to making his sandwich.
   I go over to the sink to wipe my cheek off. I turn the warm water on and I splash my face a bit before taking my paper towel and wiping the peanut butter off. Once I had it off I got another paper towel to dry my face off. I turned back to Karl who had both our sandwiches done.
   "Alright let's eat." He eagerly goes to the other side of the island and sits on a bar stool. I grabbed my plate and did the same.
  We sat devouring our food. I got done before Karl, but it's fine I sat there and waited for him. I looked at his hands again, it's kind of weird how they're turning colors. "Hey, I see your soulmate mark thing is changing."
   Karl looked at his hands, "oh they are. That's exciting." He says so non excitedly.
   "What's with the reaction? I thought you believed in those things." I thought Karl was like a believer in the little things like that. And if I'm being real I thought I was the only one for not believing in it.
   "Well, I'm not so sure it's real. Besides, a mark on my body doesn't determine who I'm supposed to be with." I felt myself smile.
   "That's how I feel too though. I don't really care about all of that stuff, you like who you like, the world doesn't decide that for you, you know?"
  "Yeah that's how I see it too."
   "Anyways, what are we gonna do now?" Karl gets up and walks over to the couch and turns on the tv.
   "Maybe watch some movies?" Karl asked, grabbing a blanket.
   "Yeah, I don't really care what we watch so you decide." Karl hands me a blanket and I sit on the couch.
   "Cool, I just wanna watch some old survivor episodes."
   I smile and nod, "sounds good."
   In no time later he starts the episode and is explaining the tribes, he's watching the season titled "Blood vs Water." I could sit and listen to him explain things all day. Something about him talking just made me feel at peace, he laid my thoughts to rest. The ibuprofen is fading, the pain is starting to come back but I don't bother Karl because he looks so entranced by the show. I got up and went to the cabinet I remembered him pulling the ibuprofen from. I got one out and I took it with a hand cup of water. Karl turned his head and watched me come back, his eyes were on me and a small smile crept on his face along with worry.
  "You ok?" he asked as I hopped back under the blanket.
   "Yeah I was starting to feel my arm again, that's all."  Karl gets under my blanket a little more.
   "I'm sorry, Sapnap. Hopefully soon the pain from your arm will go away." Karl smiles a bit with optimism yet empathy.
   Back to Survivor it was, if I'm being completely honest I was starting to get into the show. It was interesting the way they did the challenges and the way these people had to think. The credits roll and the next episode is about to autoplay, I look to Karl only to see him passed out. He was sleeping so calmly. It made my heart melt. Wait no- why would it do that? That's not what I meant.
   I'm watching the next episode, and an ad comes up on Hulu. I debate getting up until I feel Karl lean on to me. Karl's head was resting on my shoulder. He looked so serene, I can see the resemblance of his mother. He breathed soft breaths, and his eyes were lightly covering his deep green eyes. Everything about Karl seemed so clean and pure. It's hard to believe he's had a rough time. It's even harder to understand how he could let me in.
   I don't want to be a burden to him. God, if you are there. Please help me to not be a burden to him. Please help me to not be just someone he drags along. My prayer was interrupted by Karl wrapping his hands around my arm, once he successfully wrapped my arm in his, he nuzzles his face into my hoodie. The heat from his face through my hoodie made my shattered heart stop.
   I keep myself calm by continuing to watch Survivor. I watched the rest of the episode, it was a good one. A big blindside no one saw coming. I look at Karl, It's 3:00 pm now. I didn't know what to do, but I knew he'd probably want to be in his bed. I then went and made a move, I carefully got up yet I still cradled Karl's head so he wouldn't fall. The boy was taller than me but he was lighter, and I luckily worked out still. I take a breath before reaching under Karl's legs. Once I was wrapped around his legs I wrapped my arm underneath his arms and I patched on. I slowly scoop him up, and I start walking to the stairs. Karl's breath was more heavy now but I still kept quiet and I wish I could tell my bruised heart to beat slower so he wouldn't hear it. I get to Karl's room, I carefully open the door and luckily the bed wasn't made so I could just plop him in it. I cautiously laid him on to the bed. I cover him up with the blanket and I went to get the towel I used yesterday from behind Karl's closet door, until I hear a sudden small voice come from behind me:
   "you're ok, nick-"
   I feel myself stop, he said my name. How would he know my name? I looked back to him and I watched him smile into his sleep. What is he doing to me?
   I sit next to him on the bed and Karl clings onto the covers. What was he dreaming about? Why did he say my name?
   I calm myself down before getting up. I need to take a shower and leave Karl to sleep. I look at the mound of my clothes on the floor from Dream and Karl's escapade. I grabbed the same pair of pajamas I wore last night and I took them into the bathroom and sat them on the counter. I turned the water and stripped myself down and got in.
  I took a shower, it wasn't anything long, my arm stung though, I hated that it hurt so bad, I didn't want to be in there long so I got out. I wrapped my towel around me and I looked at the mirror, it wasn't as foggy because I didn't take that long of a shower.  I look at my face before noticing something different. I lowered my towel a little bit and that's when I saw it. A thick purple band was tattooed around my waist, replacing the black soulmate mark. What the hell.
   I don't believe in soulmates but why was this making me freak out. How does this even work again. I haven't even touched anybody new. Who would have touched me there? Why is this just now showing up? Why is it purple? I need to relax, it's just a stupid mark that doesn't mean anything, or at least a stupid conspiracy that isn't real. I try and think about people. I haven't met any girls recently, I haven't touched any girls recently, so who would be my soulmate?
   I begin pondering, it wasn't that big of a deal but i still feel weird, I wanted to know who read the letter I wrote. You know what it's fine, they probably think I killed myself like I said I was- woah. I hope my soulmate doesn't take that too rough.
   I slowly spiral down thinking. I pulled over Karl's shirt and I had put on some underwear and pajama pants that were Karl's. I brought myself outside the bathroom. Karl was still asleep hugging the covers. The curtains were open so I could still see him in the overcast light from the window. I look at his hands, they were a bright red now- that was new.
  All of a sudden I felt myself sit on the floor, my thoughts collapsed at once in my head as if it were a burning down building. I looked at the bulletin board where he was in a picture with his mom. His mom used to go to the spot I went to kill myself. Karl found me. I was about to lose myself for good that night until Karl convinced me otherwise. I almost was gone until he pulled me. He pulled me from the edge. I felt cold all over again, I started to feel myself shake as if I was still about to leave this world. I lay down on Karl's floor and look at the ceiling as I relive the moment of reckoning. Karl stopped me. I didn't know it was him though. I remembered my hands reaching for his hands, they were Karl's hands. Karl's head was pressed against my back, as he was on his knees behind the barrier of the edge. He pulled me away from my death. His hands were what saved me. His hands and his arms that kept me from dying. I grabbed his hands and I was somehow glad they were there. My heart kept me from ripping them off me, instead I grabbed them and I held on. Karl held on.
   I feel myself very shakily get off Karl's floor. I lean my head on the edge of Karl's bed. His hands and arms were turning a reddish orange color. I touched him there. My favorite color is red and orange.
    I lifted my shirt and pulled my pajama waist down, his arms and hands held me around my waistline. Karl touched me there, and now the black darkness of that mark was purple. Karl's Purple.
    Karl is my soulmate.
I get up from my knees and I look around his room. Where's the envelope?
I looked on his desk and pulled out some of the drawers to his desk. I kept searching for envelopes but didn't find any there. I don't give up though, I find myself looking under the bed, nothing was there. I unzipped his bookbag and went through it. Nothing. I went to the dresser that was in his closet and I went through the drawers. Why wasn't there anything in his underwear drawer, that's where I used to keep things, but there was nothing. I looked at the side Karl laid on, there's the nightstand. I open the drawers, I search through them. There's a container of Vaseline, Tissues, A couple of cards that I couldn't read what for, strangely enough he had a small unopened box of condoms, and then I saw a journal, or what looks like one, but I shouldn't go through it. I opened the next drawer in the night stand, and there it was.
     The envelope.

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AN: Thanks for reading! I love writing cute fluff. Things are just now getting good and I can't wait to show y'all where this all goes. I don't know when I'm going to have the next chapter out, but hopefully by next week. Sorry this chapter was a bit shorter than our regular. I try and write at least 3000 words per chapter and I'm sorry this chapter was cut short, but to be fair I cut it only for suspense reasons, and I wanted a cliffhanger so... I got one.  Stay Poggers! And remember you are worth it!

Word Count: 2848 words
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