Clinging On (KARLNAP)

Ch 14 "Pizza"

TW! Suicide, Self Harm, Seizures, Angsty boy

THE POV CHANGES SO BE SURE YOU KNOW WHO'S POV YOUR IN!

Karl POV

   My crush on Sapnap is strong, I've never had feelings like that before. It's very daunting. Like, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to stay in this state of not saying anything about my feelings to Sapnap? I've been so honest with him. But, now I can't be honest. He probably doesn't like me back. Although, in his sleep, he'd tighten his grip around me every time I'd move a bit.

   How come everytime we fall asleep he ends up with an arm over me? He doesn't do it on purpose. Except, there was that one time. I don't know if it was a dream though. He told me to go back to sleep and he wrapped his strong arm around me. I woke up that way too. Why did he do that then? If it wasn't a dream, then why did he do that?

   Sapnap is great, and I like him a lot. But, I can't risk having him getting freaked out, not to say I'm having to tiptoe around him and his mental state but I do have to be careful. I remember clearly what happened when he found out about us being soulmates.  He ran off, and he told me he was scared he was going to do something bad. I wrote my name on his arm, is his arm still ok? Is he ok now? You can't just magically stop suicidal thoughts, you can't just automatically feel ok again, it takes time. This whole thing has been moving so fast. He needs time, I'm going to give him time. So, if that means keeping my feelings to myself, so be it.

   My thoughts shifted away as my phone buzzed, it was my dad.

   "Hello?" I answered, taking a seat on my bed as I listened to the shower running in the background.

   "Karl, I can't come home and tell you this right now but I thought that the sooner I'd tell you the better." Dad says over the phone, his voice is very nurturing but is also a bit worried.

    "Uhh,  what's up?" I asked, this was kind of concerning.

    "Ok, I got your test results back, and you did have a seizure at that party."

   This wasn't kind of concerning anymore, this was full blown concerning.

   "No, you're joking. I didn't have a seizure at that party." I was only trying to spare myself of believing what I know is probably true.

   "Karl, I'm sorry, but you did have a seizure." My dad broke to me through the phone.

   I felt sick.

   "But, calm down, you don't have Epilepsy or anything like that. It was just a Prime-mal seizure, it was a response due to your anxiety, and it's not a severe seizure that can cause death, so you're gonna be ok for the most part."

   Well at least that sounded good. "So it can't kill me?"

    "Well... it can but it's least likely to kill you, don't freak out, you're gonna be ok." My dad tried to comfort me but this information was wracking my brain.

   "Wait how often can you get these?" I asked, my dear becoming unmeasurable at this point.

   "I don't know, it depends, but they usually don't happen very often but it really all just depends. But Karl, son, you're going to be ok. I promise you this, and hey don't freak out too much, a lot of people get seizures and you got lucky with the type of seizure you had and are prone to."

   I felt my teeth chatter, I was shaking. "I-I'm prone to seizures and I'm supposed to not freak out about that-" I could go through what I went through at the party again? I can't go through that again. That was scary. This is scary.