7 Princes Office

How Can I Help You?

"Please don't leave me." Begging was useless. I know it was but I did it anyway. No matter what I said it wouldn't change the inevitable. He was going to leave, I was going to cry, he'd come back, promising to stay this time and I'd believe him. I knew it was toxic, I've always known. The thing that kept me coming back was the perpetual fear of being alone. I'm afraid. I get in my head when I'm alone. He knows this. He takes advantage of it. This is how I always fall for him. He knows me all too well. 

"Damn it Lexi I'm done don't you know that?" He yells in my face. Lexi? Lexi?

"Who's Lexi?" I ask. My voice shutters. My breathing is giving out on me. Lexi? Who was Lexi? Is this why he's breaking up with me? There's someone else? Someone named Lexi? Her name just sounds pretty. That's why he loves her and not me. I'm not pretty, not like Lexi. 

"Fuck. Brielle... It's not what you think. I just need some space." 

"Some space for Lexi?" My breathing is speeding up as tears well up in my eyes. I'm not like Lexi. I'm not beautiful. I'm not good enough. Not for him. Not good enough for love. Maybe if I was better he would love me too. 

"Bri just... just fuck off. I don't need your whining right now. Just leave me alone." He runs a hand through his dirty blonde hair. I remember when he let me hold his hand. His pretty hand. When he would cuddle with me and let me play with his hair. I wish now in this moment for nothing more than to run my hair through those beautiful locks just one more time. 

But I don't. 

Trying to compose myself as much as I can I make my way to the door. His apartment was on the fifth floor. I considered taking the elevator but the singular old man standing by the door made me realize I could really use the exercise.  Maybe if I was skinny like Lexi he would still love me. I bet Lexi takes the stairs. Only old people take the elevator. I need to be prettier, skinnier, better. Maybe then someone will love me. 

I made it to the ground floor. The receptionist looks at me funny as I walk past. Maybe if I had better control of my emotions like Lexi people wouldn't stare at me. I bet Lexi was perfect. In my teary-eyed haste to get home and cry in my pajamas I accidentally bumped into a man. He seemed unfazed where as I found myself on my ass on the cold, dirty concrete. Maybe if-

"Are you okay?" His voice was fine, like silk. Was he Lexi? 

"I-I'm sorry." I rush to stand up. 

"Hey hey hey." He grabs my arm. His grip was firm, but not harsh. "I asked if you were okay. That sounded like it hurt." I swiftly look up at him. He was only a couple inches taller than me but he seemed impossibly tall just from his intimidating exterior. He wore a perfectly tailored black suit, his eyes, a firm black, seemed to burn into my soul, his hair was styled professionally and his shoes were impossibly clean. He looked too perfect to even be real. "You seemed distressed." 

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for running into you." I scatter to escape his eyes which burn holes into mine. They seem almost curious. His perfectly asymmetrical lips upturn slightly as he tilts his head to the left. 

"Well, in that case, take my card." He hands me a black card with gold writing. I don't read it right then. My tears simply wouldn't allow it. "Call anytime. Day or night. We can always be there." Before I can even comprehend his words his grip, of which I'd forgotten about, disappeared and so did he. I turned to see if I could find him but all I could see was the bustling street behind me.  The chaos of it made my head spin. 

Suddenly the feeling of desperation to get home returned, nearly twice as strong I scramble to get home, locking my door behind me. I look towards my kitchen. 

Lexi wouldn't eat her feelings. 

My couch...

Lexi wouldn't just laze around. 

My mirror... 

Lexi is naturally beautiful. 

I throw my hands over my face and sink to the floor. Why can't I be Lexi? Why must I be me? I quickly find myself curled up on the wooden floor, a puddle of tears formed under my head. 

A sudden and overwhelming burning sensation is quickly felt on the front of my thigh. I yelp in pain and dig in my pocket to see what it is. The card that the man on the street gave me. In a sadness induced haze I dial the number, my thoughts blurred by my never ending hicks and sobs. 

"7 Princes Office, this is Jimin. How can I help you Brielle?"