Flowers At The Door

NYC, 6

"No, no, I mean, yes we had a good day, a great day, and it is still worth it, so worth, but I'm not ready to tell him."

"Why?"

You'll prove him right and loose interest. He'll be even more upset now that James hurt him. I can't take any more of his anger today.

"I- I can't tell you?"

"Of course you can't." Sirius took another step away from Remus.

"You saw how much of a bad mood he was in. Do you really think he wants to hear anything about us being together?"

"I think you aren't ready for this." Sirius took the distance between them back quickly and now had Remus crowded against the wall.

"For what?" Remus' heart was beating in his ears and his breathing was erratic.

"Something serious with me." Sirius' eyes were wild and verging on desperate as he searched Remus' face for any indication that he was right.

Remus blinked at him, "why would you think that."

The anger Sirius held before was dissipating, "come on, Remus I know enough about you to know that you haven't been serious with someone in years."

"That's ridiculous. Do you think I would have suggested we tell Regulus if I didn't think this would be something serious?"

"You just fucking decided not to tell him, so what do you want me to think," some of the residual ferocity flared again, but when the stage door opened and Mark came bustling through, their conversation was over. Remus accepted the drink with a brief hug and left the room without a second glance in Sirius' direction. Remus couldn't help but think how much easier this would be if he could just tell Sirius the truth about James and Regulus, but that would end up as fuel on the fire that was the temper of the Black brothers.

This show was a lot less enjoyable than any previous ones. The one good thing was that Mark seemed to have interpreted Remus' silent escape from his bed as indication that Remus was not interested.

Remus tried to talk to Sirius again during their mid-show break, but it really ended in a horrid argument where Sirius exposed Remus' insecurities without even trying. Sirius thought that Remus might being having cold feet now that Sirius was serious- that Remus was afraid of commitment and not in a place in his life where he was looking to be cherished by someone. Remus told him that he didn't feel all that cherished at the moment while he was essentially being called a liar and being told how he felt about Sirius instead of Sirius just listening to what he was actually saying.

It didn't help that Remus spent the last two and a half years of his life scared that no one would want his damaged goods, but Sirius didn't even know about that, and at this point Remus didn't care to tell him. Sirius couldn't be the one to wash away his fears or hold him as he was coming undone. Sirius didn't even believe him about this, how would he ever believe him about the night that haunts him?

As hurt as he was by their argument, he felt his world shatter as he listened to Sirius' acoustic choice of the night.

I tapped on your window on your darkest night
The shape of you was jagged, and weak
There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway
And if I would've known how many pieces you had crumbled into
I might have let them lay

Are you really gonna talk about timin', in times like these?
And let all your damage, damage me?
And carry your baggage up my street?
And make me your future history? It's time
You've come a long way
Open the blinds, let me see your face
You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody

Is it insensitive for me to say
"Get your shit together, so I can love you?"
Is it really your anxiety that stops you from givin' me everythin'
Or do you just not want to?

I tapped on your window on your darkest night
The shape of you was jagged, and weak
There was nowhere for me to stay, but I stayed anyway
You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself
But do you know you're demolishin' me?
And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave

Are you really gonna talk about timin', in times like these?
And let all your damage, damage me?
And carry your baggage up my street?
And make me your future history? It's time
You've come a long way
Open the blinds, let me see your face
You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody

Is it insensitive for me to say
"Get your shit together, so I can love you?"
Is it really your anxiety that stops you from givin' me everythin'
Or do you just not want to?And if I would have known
How sharp the pieces were you crumbled into
I might have let them lay

Are you really gonna talk about timin', in times like these?
And let all your damage, damage me?
And carry your baggage up my street?
And make me your future history? It's time
You've come a long way
Open the blinds, let me see your face
You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody
To need somebody, to need somebody

To need somebody, to need
(Are you really gonna talk about timin', in times like these?)
Is it insensitive for me to say (And let all your damage, damage me?)
"Get your shit together" (And carry your baggage up my street?)
So I can love you?" (And make me your future history? It's time)
Is it really your anxiety that stops me from (You've come a long way, open the blinds, let me see your face)
Givin' me everythin', or do you not just want to? (You wouldn't be the first renegade to need somebody)

Remus only talked to Sirius after that to tell him he was going home with Mark. Sirius didn't seem necessarily pleased, but he also didn't try to talk Remus out of his plans for the evening.

But Remus wouldn't deny his relief when he got a text from Sirius and realized it was the code to his apartment complex. He talked his way out of Mark's advances before they even made it in the door, and was on his way to Sirius' apartment before he had the chance to think twice.