Love And Revolution

XIII

She wanted to stand there quietly watching him sleep but his incredibly perceptive senses discovered her presence.

"Is something the matter?" he asked, sitting up concerned.

"No, sorry. I didn't mean to bother you." She whispered in reply, not wanting to disturb Lee, "Just... can't sleep."

Snape got up, exhaling an exhausted sigh. "Neither can I..." It was a pity they didn't have any more wine. "Would you like some tea?"

She was pretty sure he was depriving himself of some much-needed sleep just to keep her company, but she followed him into the kitchen. They crammed themselves into the tiny kitchen space so that they could be alone together. No offence to Lee, but the pot of tea Snape brewed was infinitely better than his version and they sipped the warm liquid as a welcome respite after the bleak and frosty visit to the graveyard.

The whole thing lacked ceremony but they raised their beakers to the name of the fallen. Their eyes met over the rims of their cups; they were alone and they knew they had things to say to each other but for the life of them, they couldn't think of a way to begin. There was an awkwardness that wasn't there before and they kept looking away, letting the silence and shadows enshroud them.

"I wanted to thank you for tonight," Hermione finally broached, "For what you did for Jaimie. It's a pity that she...passed on, despite your best efforts, but I know you did whatever you could."

He had been afraid that she might be a little disappointed in him but he rested assured with this and he simply gave a nod in response. Back there at the cemetery, when he had felt her anguish he had offered her his hand,  and even now, he wished he had something more to offer in order to assuage her melancholy spirit. He found himself itching to touch her; maybe it wouldn't be proper to wrap her in a comforting embrace but he wouldn't stop her if she deemed it necessary.

"I..."

Her eyes searched his, her body leaning towards him in anxious anticipation but he didn't continue.

"I proposed that you guys could take the bedroom so that you wouldn't have to talk in hushed whispers." Lee came yawning into the kitchen, his slumber effectively ruined.

Hermione scurried out of there, making Snape regret Lee's interruption and strangely wishing, they could have continued the conversation. He yearned to have something more to say. Hermione could also sense the strange trepidation in the air and it was in order to get away from it that she hopped into the shower. But even there, she couldn't escape from her own thoughts.

She sighed; eventually, she was going to have to come to grips with this thing she was feeling for Snape. Except during the brief time when she'd believed that he had murdered Dumbledore, she had always admired the man...quite deeply. But that had been different. That had been an intellectual fascination, a deep desire for his approval, a hope that he would recognize her as worthy. In truth, it had been more about her than about him.

This feeling...well, it is a lot more complicated than that had been. She still felt that fascination, that desire for his attention. But there was also the heavy weight of his heroism mixed in with her guilt about having failed to give him the proper recognition that he deserved, now mixed in with a growing affection...and as if that weren't all confusing enough, the entire emotional morass was mired in a heavy foundation of what she now recognized as a strong passion. He was capable of making her feel things on a very fundamental level. That led to another level of complications, for though she knew that Ron would've wanted her to live again, she wasn't quite sure whether she was ready for...something like this. Whatever the hell this was.

And, whatever it was, it was certainly terribly inappropriate for someone with whom she had become entangled in such a context, and who also owed her a life-saving debt. She didn't want to think about that but it certainly muddied the waters- made her feel like she was taking advantage of the debt just to keep him near her, rather than actively trying to resolve it.