Juneau Elicits

XX

She was there to listen to her rant when she couldn't understand why her parents wouldn't allow her to watch or read or listen to certain things that seemed harmless. And she was there to see her be thankful for it as the reasons became apparent to her when she saw the world through an older lens. 

Jasmine, for most of her teenage years, was in a friend group she valued deeply. She found humor and trust and joy with each of them. At this time in her life, all she wanted to do was go, go, go. Travel and see the world, and meet new people and try new things.

But then she got the call telling her that her best friend Penny was murdered two weeks before her graduation. And then her other friend, the one she always felt was most like her, is accused of things she can't comprehend. And he runs away. Away from his sister, away from his best friend, away from her. Away from them all.

And she's left to pick up the pieces, realizing that this world is never a safe or accepting place for women, no matter where you go.

So she stayed in Juneau, because it was familiar to her, and she was not about to leave her family at the risk of being killed or hurt in a foreign country.

Jasmine began to value the ability to lose gracefully. She grew to love people who are a little eccentric in a comforting way, and a simple, chaotic living space. 

She found that some of her favorite gifts are mittens or knitted blankets made by a loved one's hand. And that she prefers the early morning when it's still dark outside and eyelids are heavy, because they hold the possibility of a good day. 

She found she disliked ramen noodles, Instagram, and Tom Hanks. Those, she didn't have much of an explanation for. But she knew that she disliked chipped nail polish because her mother always stressed how hands are a way to connect with the world. People shake hands when they first meet each other, and to Jasmine, the state hands are in is a glimpse at how people take care of themselves.

She didn't want to go to college for too long, so she went to school to become a paralegal. She knew that while it's not really a crime-stopping or life-saving job, it still made her feel like she was helping in some way. And it's work that she didn't hate.

And Cat was there to see her go through all of that, always quietly watching.

She was there to see Jasmine add to her button collection as a kid. And she was there to see her take from it, using them for a new hobby as an adult. Whenever she found the time, she would work on crocheting cute stuffed animals with mix-matched eyes, and donate them to animal shelters and kids in need. 

She was there to see her come home angry or hurt or upset when she faced sexism, or racism, or various obstacles or insecurities. And she was there when she came home with a big smile on her face because she had done it, or she met someone really nice today.

Jasmine found Cat to be a good listener, and to her surprise, that she was empathetic, in a way. She still remembers crying on the floor after finding out about Penny, and hearing Cat start to meow as she made her way to her from another room. She remembers Cat trying to climb up into her lap, headbutting her and rubbing against her, purring all the while. She remembers grabbing and hugging her, burying her wet face in her fur, with Cat making no attempts to leave.

Cat was there for every milestone in Jasmine's life, really. From Jasmine's twelve to twenty-four.

And then suddenly Cat was twelve and dying, the vet said.

Jasmine remembers endless tears and promises that she knew her pet wouldn't truly understand. But in a way, she was sure Cat did sort of understand. They had grown to understand each other, and Cat knew what tears meant, as she had demonstrated more than once.

But deep down, Jasmine knew that everything she told Cat was truly just an attempt to comfort herself.

"You know, we might not have the most interesting stories, you and me, but that's what makes us us, you know?"

"You're the best cat. You're the only cat I ever want."

"You were right, you know. You did change how I view cats. But I still will never have another cat after you. Unless it shows up on my doorstep and doesn't have a home. Or it's going to be euthanized and just really needs a home. I will not actively seek to replace you, I could never replace you."

"I will love you forever. I won't forget about you."

Cat was there, and then she wasn't. 

And when she wasn't, Jasmine broke down.

The intense loneliness and sudden tears faded, but she still gets a pang of sadness whenever she thinks for too long about her.

Jasmine never thought she'd be thankful for a cat, but now she looks back with heartfelt gratitude.

Tonight, she lays in bed at the end of a long workday, with the knowledge that it was the October Friday dinner. She's glad she didn't go, as the people who usually attend forget to bring character and are without pleasant personalities. She'd rather deal with paperwork, actually.

Still, she feels empty. Like she's too alone, and her apartment is too quiet, and her life is too meaningless. She hates that this feeling always hits her right before she falls asleep.

But according to everything she's been taught, she's doing everything right, so she doesn't know what to do to change the feeling. She fears she'll never gain the answer.

She sighs, closing her eyes and rolling onto her side. She knows she'll feel better in the morning.

And that night, Cat is in her dream, and Jasmine wears a small smile in her sleep.

...

a.n. // hi, here's a short bonus jasmine chapter bc I love writing abt her