Unbeliever

Kinda numb

     It's hard to understand what you are feeling after being so numb. I would miss my home, my mom, my friends... She died from an drug overdose. I had helped her the best that I could. I just didn't do enough. Me and my mom were never close, but I needed her. It was my fault. I couldn't think straight. I have been dazed and dissociated and this whole situation just doesn't feel real yet.
     "Hey, you ready?" I was so surprised I jumped.
     "Yeah, hold on." I pull my Vuse out and hit it. I grab my money and put it in my wallet.
     "Hey, you aren't gonna carry all of that are you?" I didn't know how to answer that. I'm not that street smart and I didn't want to look stupid. I didn't think about the fact that you shouldn't carry that much money on you.
     "Nah, but I wanted to put some of it into the bank. Didn't they make me an account? Why the hell didn't he just put it in there?" I asked.
     "I don't know, honestly." Tora said. "Maybe they didn't have time, or they just wanted to give it to you." He shrugs.
"I don't know." I shrugged.
"Well, it's a good thing I had to stop by anyways." He says. "You still up for the mall?"
"Uh~ yeah" I said. I was actually really tired and just wanted to sleep, but for some reason, It felt oddly venerable to admit that.
"Okay, well I'll let you get ready. Let me know when you are."
     "Yeah." I open my closet to pick some clothes out. I pick a pair of straight leg jeans with a hole in one knee and a black cropped tank top. I see a pair of white Nike airs. I slip them on. I put my dirty clothes in the provided basket. I look into the full size mirror. None of this feels like mine yet. It feels like I'm in a strangers room, wearing a strangers clothes and looking into a strangers mirror. Hell, I look like a stranger. My hair is longer then I remember, my body looks thinner and weaker, and my eyes look duller. There are bags under my eyes and they are darker then I remember. I don't feel like me. I pull my hair into ponytail, and look around the room. I open my little bag. As I'm applying some concealer, mascara and lip gloss, I get a call. It's Quincy.
"Hello?" I say.
"Hey, how is it going? Are you home?"
"Yea, I was just getting ready to head out. I was going to pick up some school supplies."
"Oh okay. Did you not have everything you needed?"
"You bought me school stuff?" I asked surprised.
"I- yea, I think so..."
"Oh, uh... okay. I'll look around." I said. "Um, thanks"
"You're welcome. I hope you get settled. I'll be home in a while."
"Okay, bye."
"Bye." I hang up. Looking around the room I see a school bag by my bed.
"Tora, I found school things." He comes in.
      "Ah. Shoulda known they were prepared. Well, I'll be waiting in the car."
He leaves the room. I look in the mirror again. I still look like a stranger, but a little more alive then before.
I should explain that I have been in Quincy's care for several week, however, this is the first time I've actually been to his house. I was staying close to school so I could finish out my semester. It took quite a lot of convincing, and even more to convince him to let me finish out the year. I'll be going back in a week, after Christmas break. Tora will be staying with me I guess. We negotiated on a public school for next year. He wanted me to be a private student, but I told him I was uncomfortable with that. I'm not good with snobby rich kids
I slip on my jacket. It's a plain grey zip up with a hood. I put my wallet and e-cig in my pocket.
      I don't really remember the drive to the mall. But when we get there the car comes to an abrupt stop.
"Ya know, I'm tired and I have all the school things I need. Do you wanna just pick up your suit and stop by the bank?" I really just wanna go home at this point.
"You're the boss." He didn't seem annoyed or the slightest bit unconvinced so this is what we agreed on.
My phone rings.
"Hello?" I answer. This number was not saved.
"Hi, Kerrie?"
"This is her"
"Hey this is QB. I was letting you know that there are dinner arrangements at the house tonight. If you don't mind to there around 7ish?" Dinner plans? This is new.
"Oh okay... see you then."
"Okay."
I tell Tora the plan. This will be the first time I meet QB. It's going to be an interesting night.
     We reach a small set of what looks like apartments. I look at Tora. "My place. I need to pick up a few things." He says. "The dry cleaners are right up the road."
     "Hey, If you want, I will walk down to the Dry cleaners and pick up your clothes." I said with a smile. I have nothing better to do.
     "No. You're not going alone." He said.
     "I'm not a child. I'm just gonna pick up clothes." I snapped back.
     "You don't understand. This place is not safe. Please don't make this hard. I understand you aren't a child, but it's my job to keep you safe." I understood his point about his job. I am stubborn but I didn't want to make his job harder then it had to be. I know that I wouldn't be going even if I tried. He was at least 6'4 and obviously weighed a lot more then my skinny little frame.
      "Whatever." I rolled my eyes. "Am I coming in with you then?"
      "Yes." He seemed angry. I didn't want to give him an attitude, but I don't want to be treated as if I can't take care of myself. I never lived in the safest places. I didn't fully understand.