Dauntless World

Chapter 26

Friday (Day before the funeral)

These past few days have been really hard for me. Caleb and I have been getting everything ready for my parents' funeral. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that they are gone. Tonight, in a few hours, we are all heading to the church where the visitation will be held.

All of my friends are coming as well. They, as well as Tobias, have been really supportive with them. They babysit for Tobias and I when I am really upset and need my husband to hold me for a little while. Tobias also takes Briella out of the house a lot during the day so that she doesn't see me so upset.

I really hate being as vulerable as I am and I have told Tobias that, but he just gets mad at me.

"You lost two of the most important people to you. You have a right to be vulnerable." he always says.

Even though I have been an emotional wreck, I am still a mom and I have all sorts of things that I do during the day to keep my mind off of things such as, cleaning, taking care of Briella, cooking and much, much more.

Tobias had to go back to work a few days ago, but is off today and will be off tomorrow, for the funeral. Max totally understands, but, just like when Briella was born, he needs workers.

Right now, I am making Briella and Tobias lunch, while they play in the playroom together. I am making hamburgers and french fries.

Once everything is done, I call them downstairs and they come down and Tobias starts to help Bree eat. I also haven't been eating anything. Tobias thinks that I am depressed and I really don't know anymore.

I walk upstairs and shut my bedroom door, walk over to my bed, and go to sleep.

+++

When I wake up next, Tobias and Bree is standing over me, trying to get me to wake up.

"Tris, come on, it is time to get ready for the visitation." Tobias says and I nod.

I sigh and walk to the bathroom. After I take a quick shower, I put on a minimal amount of makeup.

I walk back out into the bedroom and put on a dress that is black with a belt around the stomach and some high heels.

Tobias walks in carrying a completely dressed Briella. He is wearing a black suit and she is wearing a black dress and some flats.

I go back into the bathroom and curl my hair.

When we are all completely ready, we walk out to the pit, where we are meeting all of our friends.

They are already there and we leave right away.

When we get to the church in Abnegation, I take a deep breath. I know that when I walk in, I will see my dead parents again and this time, they won't be their regular selves, they will have makeup on and other things to cover up the dead part.

We get out of the car, Tobias getting Bree out of her car seat and carrying her. Caleb is already here when we walk in and he already looks upset.

I take another deep breath and walk over to the caskets. My mother has her hands across her chest and looks so peaceful, same with my dad.

I get down on my knees in front of my mom's casket and for a minute just look at her face.

"Hey Mom, it's me, I know you are in a better place now so I am going to try not to disturb you much. I just wanted to say that even though I am going to miss you, dad won't have to, y'all will have the time of your lives up in heaven. So, I love you!" I am crying while saying this and Tobias walks over and rubs my back while I still cry.

I stand up and cry in his arms. He holds me close to him while rubbing my back.

I can feel all of my friends eyes on us and I bury my head in his chest, trying to hide from them.

Caleb comes over and I hug him while Tobias goes over to Bree because she is crying. I hate crying in front of her because she cries because she sees me crying and it is all a big mess.

After I pull back from the hug, I walk to the bathroom so that I can get cleaned up a little.

When I look in the mirror, I see my terrible face. I have mascara running down my face and tear stains all over it. My face is also really red.

Christina walks in and walks over to me. She hugs me and I let her since she is my best friend.

After she is done hugging me, she takes out a makeup remover wipe and cleans my face on. I think that she is going to put more on but she doesn't. I smile at her.

"I know that you aren't okay so I won't ask. But even though you don't believe it, things will be okay. And we won't make fun of you for crying, you have a right to be okay?" I nod and smile.

She leaves and I sit down on the couch in the bathroom and put my face in my hands.

How am I so vulnerable? I am supposed to be strong not vulnerable.

I get up and walk back out and see Briella still crying. I walk over to her and take her from Tobias' arms and walk her over to a pew.

"Briella, you are okay and so is momma. Mommy just lost someone close to her and she is going through a hard time okay? Don't cry baby girl." I say hugging her close to me.

She calms down after a few minutes and we go back over to our friends.

I hand Bree back to Tobias and walk over to where Caleb is.

"Listen, we are going to head home. Briella is still upset and I am too. Tomorrow is going to be hard so we are just gonna head home." I tell him and he nods and hugs me.

"Okay I guess that I will see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah I guess. Bye."

I walk over to Tobias and we head home.

Once we get home, Tobias puts Bree to bed while I change and get in the bed.

Tobias comes in soon and gets in the bed with me too, wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you. You can talk to me, you know that right?"

"Yeah I know. It is just hard to wrap my head around. I can't believe that they are gone." I turn around to face him. "Losing them feels like what I would feel like if I lost you or Bree."

"Baby things will get better okay? Just try and sleep. Tomorrow I will be there for you just like I will be for the rest of your life. I vowed for better and for worse so I will keep up my promise."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

And then I go to sleep.

***

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~Kelsi