"I wanted it." He said, so low that I wasn't sure I had hear him for real.
"But... ?" I encouraged him to continue. Don't fucking ask me why, but I wanted to understand the guy. He was looking so fragile, like anything could break him. It felt weird but... I wanted to help him.
"I miss Eli..." With that, tears started to rush down his face, tears that seemed to have waited so long before getting out. I bit my lip, trying not to comfort him in any way. That was not who I am. But I wasn't myself when I was around him.
"She's your girlfriend ?" I somehow felt bad. If he had a girlfriend and we slept together... That was something I wasn't doing. Breaking couples. That was something I just couldn't do.
"Not anymore..." And with that, he cried even harder. He was heartbroken, that was the shadow hunting him down. He got up and started to get dressed up, not even bothering to wipe the tears from his face.
"Zayn..." I whispered, before getting up and putting back my clothes on too. He felt bad about doing it, I knew it. And it made me feel bad too. My fucking God, what was happening to me ?
"Can we just... Don't talk about that ?" I just nodded, I knew in that moment that my goal wasn't to make him feel bad. I told ya, that night changed me. Zayn put his cap on and I now had no view of his eyes. Which was probably better that way, because seeing him cry was starting to break my heart. A beautiful guy like him wasn't deserving that.
I packed our things, not even bothering to try to make something for breakfast - was it even time for this ? I had no clue of the hour. I then walked up to the canoe and dropped the bag in it, before jumping inside. Zayn did the same not long after and we were getting back to the docks.
It took us a good hour and there was no words exchanged. I knew Zayn wasn't in the mood for talking, I was able to hear him cry behind me. I knew he was trying not to show it, to be subtle, but... He wasn't. And it was making my heart crush, which was very strange. When we finally arrived to the docks, he just muttered a small "good bye" before leaving quickly, almost running. I looked at him until he was out of sigh, feeling so bad for the boy. I know I hadn't forced him into sleeping with me, that he was totally volunteer at that time. But I knew last night that he wasn't totally himself. Even though having sex with him had been my main goal since I met him, I was regretting it now. I was regretting it because I made him feel bad.
As I was thinking that, I decided that my mind was definitely messed up.
...
I went to eat at The Shack, alone. I was glad when I entered and I saw that none of my crew were there. I just bought something to drink - I wasn't hungry at all - before going to sit at a table. I was taking my first sip when my phone started to buzz in my pocket. I took it off and looked at the ID caller, to decide if I was answering it or not. The face on the screen was the only one I wouldn't ever ignore. I pressed the green button before putting the device to my ear.
"Hi, darliiiing !" Louis almost screamed.
"Hey." I couldn't put joy in my voice, I was so lost in my thoughts.
"You alright ?" Louis was my best friend, it was sure that he would notice that something wasn't right with me. I shook my head, before remembering that he couldn't saw me.
"I'll tell you later."
"Promise ?"
"Pinky one." I said and smiled. A weak smile, just because I was remembering the first time I had said that to Louis. We were so young then... He was the only one who stayed by my side through all these years.
"You better. Anyway, are you coming back soon ? Hannah's in town for a while, it would be nice to hang out sometimes."
And I let him speak about how he was glad she was back and all the plans he had for us three, leaving Zayn at the back of my thoughts.
...
"Where were you all day ?" Jenna said, jumping on my back as soon as I took the first step on my lot. I quickly put her back on her feet, she knew I wasn't one for physical contacts yet, she was still doing this every time she was getting excited over something.
"Out, I was tired of you idiots."
"As usual !" Andy laughed and his girlfriend shoved her fist on his shoulder.
"Anyway, you're ready ? It's party time tonight !" Jenna exclaimed, looking excited as fuck. I contained myself not to tell her that it was the same every week, sometime even every day, that she didn't needed to go all out just for that. But I bet my tongue.
"Nah, I'm just gonna pass."
"You're alright ?" Marcus asked, looking concerned. Marcus was the only one to even care for others in our crew.
"Yeah, I'm just tired." I lied, with a smile that clearly looked fake as hell.
I dismissed them that way and entered the caravan. I closed the door, before leaning onto it. What the fuck was happening to me ?
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Hey guyyys ! Long entry, right ?
I might not post next week, since I broke my thumb and that I can't hand write without it hurting. And since inspiration for this story only comes when I'm handwriting... I'll post as soon as I can though !
Chapter 10
Start from the beginning
