Perfect people don't exist

Chapter 1

"Your so fat boy! Have you put on an extra 50 pounds or something!?"

I couldn't answer his question, instead I was trying to pry him off my throat. Now I understood what he meant by not being able to go to the store tomorrow. He dropped me and I collapsed on the floor, gasping for air. Not even a second after he started kicking at my stomach, winding me. I coughed uncontrollably.

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The rest of the night flashed through my mind. I shook the thought away and got up. My tail bone aching. Shit! I had school. I rushed up the stairs panicked. I forced myself into a fresh pair of jeans and shirt before stuffing my books in my bag and running out the door. I ran as fast as I could to school, ignoring the fact I didn't have a shower.

"Now are ther-"

"I am so sorry I'm late Miss. I slept in!" I gasped out, bursting into my maths class.

She gave me a subtle nod and then I went to my seat. Getting pissed off looks from the class, along with a few laughs here and there. When I turned around to see who was giggling at me, I was met with a concerned face. Ezra was concerned. Ezra lake was in most of my classes. He wasn't the smarted in the class but he wasn't the dumbest in the grade. Why he had a look of concern on his face I don't know, I believed he hated me. When he realised I was staring his sorrowful look turned into a snarl and I felt my cheeks flush.

"Oh- before I forget class, here are your results for the previous maths quiz,"

My heart rate picked up. Maths test. I forgot we did that last week. I began to panic in my head. What if I failed? What am I gonna do? What is my father going to say about it? He is going to kill me if I got a bad mark? Wait, why would he care, he doesn't even care about me? SO why does he care about my grades? She dropped the paper on my desk. 95% was circled at the top. That was close. Way too close to my liking. If I missed that 5%, I would have been dead. But he wouldn't kill his personal punching bag.

So maybe I overthought lots of things but in my defence last time I got a bad grade, it did not end well. Like most things actually. Maybe if you just did things right and didn't fuck them up all the time you wouldn't be the one with the disadvantage. But no, you screw everything up, like always and then you wonder why you get beaten, it's your fault. Look at yourself, mum would be disgraced to know her son was not only the fattest in the school but also a disgusting homosexual! She wouldn't think that. Right?

I tried to convince myself otherwise but I couldn't. I didn't even know my mother, but I knew she would be disappointed that she didn't have the perfect son. But perfect doesn't even exist. Yes it does, but your just not it. Maybe the voices in my head were right, maybe perfect does exist. I'm just not perfect.

The bell went and I jumped when it did, not expecting it to. I really need to stop zoning out.

"Hey nerd!" I looked behind me to see my bully, Flynn. Suddenly I felt small. He charged towards me, slamming me against my locker. The feeling of being slammed was all too familiar. His breath was uncomfortably close.

"Well, where is it!?" He hissed.

"I-in my bag,"

"Well, it should be in my hand!" I looked down dumbfounded.

Then I felt a blow to my cheek. "Now!"

I grabbed my backpack and took out his maths, English and science book, handing it to him with a shaky grip. He took his books with a smirk. When I went to sip my bag up he grabbed my arm, twisting it as far as it would. I yelped in pain and he laughed.

"How weak, maybe if you lost a few and worked out you wouldn't be such a wimp!" He laughed.

I nodded in agreement, he was probably right. He released my arm and pushed me to the ground and walked away. I leant against my locker rubbing my arm. That bloody hurt. Bastard! If your wondering where are my friends. Surprise! I don't have any. I know, what a surprise there, the nerd doesn't have any friends. I used to have one friend and a boyfriend in freshmen year. My best friend was Martin and boyfriend was Ty, not short for anything, just Ty. They were really nice to me, I never understood why. But they made me feel like I was someone but then everything turned around. Ty became abusive and Martin moved half way across the world and didn't wanna stay in contact. When I broke it off with Ty he moved away as well, said he never wanted to see my sorry ass again.

I sat with my head against the lockers, thinking about my social life. Then Ezra came to my mind, maybe he didn't hate me, but he gave me so many mixed signals. There have been times where he wanted to actually be my friend, well at least it seemed that way, but then the next second of him ever being nice, he turned into douche. Although...maybe it had to do with me being dismissive. I mean, I want friends, really, but I just can't dread the thought of letting someone in my life again. I don't know how I would explain the sudden bruises that wound turn up on my face, I don't know if I'd make a good friend and it's easier to push people away anyway. I mean the smart idea would be to tell someone about my dad, but I deserve it, I am the one who wrecked his life! Damnit! My feelings are so mixed and it drives me insane, I want and feel I need better but then I don't believe I deserve better.

"Are you ok?' A familiar voice asked. I was not dealing with his BS right now.

"I'm fine" I huffed, getting up off my sorry ass.

I pushed pass Ezra, ignoring his act of kindness. I didn't need his pity and I certainly didn't need him.