epiphanot

❛ NIGHTMARES

What happened?

What is this nightmare?

Is this not a nightmare?

"Please!! Run, get out of here!" The voice coughs out. It's breaking, cracking, roughly there but it still yells at him with everything to get to safety.

There's blood. Rody doesn't see it but he knows there is. There's a lot of it. Debris, smoke and fire surrounds him. There's something jeering and taunting hiding in the shadows but he doesn't see it. Rody's dreams always started in a dark place where he can only hear cries and screams. That's it. That was all. Helpless, he stands in the dark unable to help anyone — for hours, for nights, when was the last time he had a normal dream? But he can tell this one isn't the same. He can't see but he can tell what's around him. He doesn't know the voice crying this time. He doesn't feel Pino around. This is not a nightmare, he needs to move. He needs to help them.

Rody moves — he tries to. He fights against the invisible barrier, the imaginary chains, the latent tether holding him back. He puts all his might into taking a step forth but he can't. He can't move just like all his other nightmares but this is different, this isn't one then why? Why can't he move? Why can't he help? Why can't he protect them? It almost feels just like when he lost his parents...

He doesn't want to lose anyone—

"Rody!!"

The voice yells again. His name. Rody. That's him. The voice, despite being halfway to being lost forever, yells out his name with a foreign gentleness and care. It holds a strong feeling of protectiveness and honestly, Rody doesn't remember the last time someone tried to protect him. But here's this unknown voice — dying, broken yet so selfless and caring.

It clicked.

"Deku...?" The name escapes his mouth before he even realizes what's going on and oh, his voice sounds so utterly pathetic and scared. Is he scared? Is he really scared right now? He is, he knows he most definitely is but admitting things such as feelings isn't his strong suit. He's not scared, his eyes aren't watery. He's just panicked because this dumbass is going to get himself killed any second now and this isn't a nightmare and Rody still can't move to help him and he can't lose anyone else please. He can't deal with death, he doesn't know how to.

"Save yourself!"

"I'm not going anywhere!" He yells back.

Rody doesn't have positive opinions about heroes. This one in particular is the reason why. He hates it when someone is suffering and they still feel the need to go ahead and protect a completely fine person. Just like he does with his siblings. He can't be blamed though. They're all he has left, all that he cares for. Heroes have families too, heroes have lost people too and they still lay down their lives for others. Sometimes Rody feels the same when he disregards his own wellbeing. While other times he reminds himself he will never die for some stranger. Heroes confuse him, he doesn't like being confused.

"Rody?" He speaks again. Izuku's voice sounds a bit closer to him than death.

The brunette knows his next words, knows why he's reaching out to him. Rody knows he won't run away either. He can't let him die. He's not going anywhere, not without him, "Shut up!"

"Oh… Rody? Rody, can you hear me?" Izuku's voice is soft and gentle, calm and collected now. It's not breaking, he's not yelling. Rody doesn't believe that he's safe, that he's not actually dying and that was just his nightmare because that's not how nightmares are. He knows it's just a deceitful trick. Izuku is just trying to get him to safety by making him believe he's fine but Rody is not that stupid. He knows when people are lying, he can tell when they're just trying to manipulate him. But he's not in it enough to tell whether or not Izuku was actually lying. He can't tell, he's still in a half asleep state of mind. He doesn't want to tell either because if by any chance he thinks Izuku isn't lying and he manages to get to safety and he never sees those emerald eyes again then it's his fault.