A Court of Lies and Secrets | ACOTAR fanfic [Girl x Girl]

Daemati

~Renae~

Rhysand never explains what he said- only ushered us all back to Prythian- back home. I also never said a word during the journey. My mind was racing with all of the possibilities that we could find Alirra. Was Rhys just lying so I would move from my suicidal position on Montesere's cliff with the angered soldiers running closer and closer towards us? That seemed the more logical explanation considering we hadn't got a speck of information from Iagan whilst he had his fists pounding my head into itself. How could he possibly know everything  we need?

We finally arrive in the night court and the group breaks off heading to their own homes- leaving Feyre, Rhys and myself on the balcony of the house of wind.

"I'm going straight to bed." Feyre declares and shuffles down the nearest hall. Rhys calls after her saying he won't be long.

I will not be sleeping. Whether Rhysand tells me he lied or that he truly does know where she is, I will not be falling asleep anytime soon.

I give him a look- no words needed to ask whether he was honest.

"I'll tell you in the morning-" He turns to follow after Feyre and I reach an arm out to stop him. Oh hell no.

"What! Tell me now, Rhys." I furrow my brows in slight irritation– but mainly desperation.

"No matter what I tell you, we still can't go after her- we all need to catch up on sleep and telling you will only make you go on your own. Which, trust me, is a death trap." He stares me down, letting me know that he isn't slipping out any information tonight, and stalks through the same hall Feyre walked through moments ago.

My heart sinks- to my feet and possibly even further. My eyes burn with a need to cry but it's like everything has just been drained from my body. After seeing Iagan react how he did, to thinking I'd never find Alirra and then the opposite- the news hitting me so suddenly. It's all so much. Yet, I still don't know for sure if we know where she is because Rhys is making me wait hours like a disciplining parent.

I can't move my feet. I want to fall to the ground and fade into the shining wooden planks until I'm nothing but a pile of dust that the cleaning fae will throw out soon enough. The ache in my chest grows- yearning for the comfort of my mate. To see her face or hear her voice. That slither of motivation would give me the power boost I need to move my feet- to take a breath one after the other.

I've seen my father react that way so many times over the years of my existence, but I'm already exhausted and that was just salt in the wound- reminding me how many deep and unsealing cuts he's left me in the past. Memories flood my mind and have been since he threw his first punch this late evening. Memories of when I was younger, after he found out about the secret companions I'd had. The endless amounts of fights every night that ended in tears and blows to the face- my face. It was wrong and I knew that, but I was naïve and young and dumb.. Mother never helped, didn't care that her daughter sat at the table the next morning with more bruises and cuts than she'd last seen. She hated me just as much as Iagan, but never got physical.

But that's the past-  and if I ever see Ali again, I will tell her everything. She deserves to know all there is about me and my family- my past. I regret not being so open before, losing her has made me see that. In the end, if she chooses not to accept the mating bond, at least I'll know I had something most people never had. Something the Cauldron itself gave to me. A gift from something that powerful... I will be forever grateful despite the unknown ending.

Something flickers inside me. A little spark- certainly not big. But enough. Hope. Warm and comfortable. It flickers and burns and fights for life beside the tether holding me to my mate. Reminding me she's still out there. Still needs me. It's small but enough. I will get her back- but only if I don't drive myself mad or sick.