There is Everything for You Here

Chapter 1

So every Sunday, I flashed a smile and told everyone how well I was doing in my courses, even if it was a lie. I couldn't bring myself to say anything otherwise. This Sunday was no different. My butt was starting to go numb too, sitting at the dining table with my family in my childhood home, watching the cherry blossom trees shed outside. I wanted to walk up and shake a branch.

Exams had just finished, and I was going to find myself with a lot of free time. Maybe I would get a job and start working somewhere fun, like a bookstore. Something nice and boring to keep the stress away. I liked the smell of books too – I didn't think any employer would consider that a skill though. I wondered if my sister would help me buff up my resume - she was always good at that type of thing.

My beautiful sister Sutton, three years younger than Marco, was practically perfect at everything. Best grades, was on all the sports teams, and head of her sorority. She had everything. She always liked to remind me of it too. To make matters worse, she also had the same golden hair my mother was blessed with, with beautiful green eyes and freckles splattered across her skin. At that moment, my mother sat at the head of the table, sipping her drink with a smile on her face, listening to us chat. She always seemed so tired after work, but I guess being a nurse all day took a lot out of her. Growing up, I wished my red hair would just fall out and be replaced with hers. I like my hair now though, at least I could never look plain.

"So, how's school going?" Sutton asked. "Any new love interests? Any hot professors? She smiled gleefully. Bugging me about boys was another thing she liked to do.

"Oh please,'' I protested. My social life wasn't exactly robust enough to date. "No boys. I barely talk to anyone at school anyways. I like just getting my work done and doing well in my classes." That was mostly true. I had been doing badly in my classes lately. Well, all year. Second year of university was killer. I started to pick at my napkin, making a small pile of white scraps. Sutton gave me a look of fake pity.

"Bo-ring," she chided. "I loved all the people in university, you need to put yourself out there – it's important for your university experience." She had a point, but I wasn't about to tell her that. Besides looking in a mirror, Sutton's favourite activity was being right.

"Easy for you to say – you like talking to people. I'm sure it's easy for you to make friends." I hated thinking about it. Why couldn't I make friends as easily as she could?

"Why don't you try joining some clubs? Or a sorority? That would be totally awesome." Really brought me out of my shell in university," she nodded, picking at her nails.

"Oh please," I protested. "Like you even had a shell to come out of."

"It's true! University is hard for everyone." She could say that again. I lazily directed my gaze back to the window to watch the thin pink petals blow off the trees.

—

After dinner, I thought about her words again. University is hard for everyone. University is hard for everyone. I turned it over and over again in my head, breaking down every word and syllable until the sentence had no meaning. She was right, university is hard for everyone – that was probably why I felt down about my grades or lack of friends or the fact that university was kind of the worst. Another reason why I wasn't even depressed. I didn't even know why I needed to take my medication every day. The psychiatrist I went to probably didn't even need to put me on it. I made a mental note to bring it up to my therapist at our bi-weekly session tomorrow that Marco insisted I go to. On the bright side, she always had jellybeans in her office. Candy was good enough motivation to go. Although, I hadn't been to the dentist in forever. I should probably do that too. I ran my tongue across the front of my teeth, inspecting their cleanliness.