𝔽₳𝜯Ǝ

Time Stopped

By the end of the summer, what she'd said that first day really was true. We were friends. Oh, but we were legitimate friends. We made each other laugh, we hung out after tutoring and talked about movies (she loved going to the movies; she confessed being upset when a guy would ask her to a movie she wanted to see, they want to make out during it), books (which were more my interest than hers, but I got her to read a couple of good ones that summer), and general teenage stuff.

We even kept hanging out after she passed her summer course, which earned me not just the fifty bucks, but a hug and a kiss on the cheek as well. Most of it is a blur honestly. I just remember being sort of - giddy, whenever she was around, in more than just a way that had to do with the hormonal reaction to her unbelievable body. I was in love.

Or at least, I thought I was. I was infatuated, at least. The first sort of infatuation that confuses you and only barely masks bitter jealousy. I was that too. I got jealous every time she was with Jeremy or heard her talk about Jeremy or other guys she'd dated. Soul-sickeningly jealous, the kind that makes you unable to eat, and feels like everything inside of you is made of acid and bile.

Life was a roller coaster. She was high, and I inhaled her like cocaine. She was low, and every part of her that was not with me drowned me in misery.

When the end of summer approached, and a new school year loomed on the horizon, my stomach began churning uncomfortably every time I thought about it.

"What's wrong?" she asked me, just a week before the term started. We were sitting in her living room watching "Ghost-busters". I'd rented it and brought it over to watch with her since she'd missed it in theaters.

"Huh?" I brought myself out of dark musings and looked up at her.

"You stopped laughing," she grinned. "You said this was your favorite part."

I glanced at the television. Ah yeah, Miracle Max. Good stuff.

"Sorry, just zoned out."

"During Ghost-busters? You've only been quoting it all summer," she giggled.

"Sorry," I sighed, "Just thinking about school."

"Ah," was all she said.

"Just worried..." I started to explain.

"That I'm going to pretend I don't know you," she said. This was a new voice. Annoyed? Upset? Hurt?

"Yeah, actually."

"Why would I do that?"

"Uhm, because I'm kind of a nerd and you're..." I struggled for a word that would convey what I meant, without pissing her off.

"Popular?" She said. Yeah. It was definitely hurt.

"Yeah," I sighed lamely.

She studied me for a few moments.

"So what?" she asked after the longest thirty seconds of my life up until that point.

"Huh?" Okay, my wit isn't always on, alright. Sometimes all you got is: "huh".

"So what?" she repeated. "You're right, I am popular. Because I'm pretty. Because I'm a cheerleader."

I blushed, legitimately this time I think.

"You think I don't know people, including you, think I'm pretty?" she asked, there was something new in her voice too. Indignation.

"I didn't... I mean, what's that got to do with it?" I stammered. Brain stopping. Pretty girl, I'm in love with anger. Panic. Panic mode.

"You know why else I'm popular? Because I'm not a B$*ch. I'm not mean to people. I could be. Lots of my friends in Cheer are. Because they can b because they're pretty and think they can get away with it."

"I never said... I mean, of course,e you aren't, I..." I struggled to articulate basic words. I was shutting down. Not good.

"I'm not a b$*ch," she repeated firmly. "So why would you think I'd start being one just because school started?"

"I... I don't know." I looked at the floor. This was it. I'd ruined everything.

"I do," she said and scooted closer to me on the couch.

Never in a million years would I have anticipated what came next. Oh sure, wild fantasies aside, I had imagined kissing her, touching her, even hugging her, in every way, in every location imaginable. When she scooted next to me, I felt her leg touch mine. She was wearing jeans, and so was I, but I still was acutely aware that only millimeters of denim separated her naked flesh from mine.

I could smell her faint perfume, faded, because it was late in the day, but they're nevertheless. A barely perceptible faint mist of scent hung near her. I'd caught it a few times before when I'd leaned in to correct her work. Now she was leaning into me.

Time stopped.

She put her arms around me and drew me close. She hugged me. I felt her against my shoulder, my feverish desires pressed against me. She leaned her head on my shoulder and I felt her hair cascade over my arm. It was very soft.

"I do," she said again, moving time forward a few seconds.

I'm not sure I was breathing.

She looked up at me and turned my chin to face her. Our faces were inches apart. I could feel her breath on my cheeks. I inhaled her exhale. Her eyes were the most emerald green. The rest of the world that was not her face fell away. The rest of the summer may have been a blur, but I think after twenty years later I will still recall the tiny blemishes of her skin, the wrinkles in her lips; practically count her long dark eyelashes. That moment is frozen in my mind forever. Wherever I travel in this life from here, whoever it's with. The moment sitting on Chloe's couch, the Ghost-busters playing in the background, and her face inches from the mine will be with me forever. It's the stuff the universe is made up of, friend. Moments like this are on, hung in space and time like tapestries.

I'm definitely sure my heart was not beating.

And then she kissed me. I'm going to pause here a second.

That kiss. Yea,h that's the one most guys think they are going to give the first time they kiss someone.

That was not my first kiss. I doubt it's anyone's, but I can only speak for myself.

It was excruciatingly brief. It lasted an eternity, but it was very brief. Just a gentle brushing of her lips against mine. Her's were warm, soft, and dry. I hope mine were too. It probably lasted less than a second, to be honest. I didn't even have time to close my eyes. I stared at her in shock the whole time.

Her eyes didn't close either, they fluttered down. But never closed.

"There. Now it's out of the way," she said what felt like a few years later.

I blinked.

She giggled, and blushed., I'd never seen her blush, so sexy...

"You've been thinking about kissing me all summer. Now it's out of the way, and we can be real friends. And stop worrying about me not talking to you anymore," she said, leaning back on her hands.

She was talking. (We kissed.) Process. Rewind. (She kissed me.) What did she say? (She-kissed-me.) Friends. (Kiss.) We can be friends now.

Huh?

"Huh?"

Seriously, sometimes that's all you got.

She giggled again, still blushing. "Oh Jake, I really do like you, as a friend. I don't want to stop being friends just because you're not very popular. I don't care what people think, okay?"

I'm pretty sure I nodded. I could still feel the after-impression of her lips against mine.

"Cool, now stop worrying and rewind the movie okay? I don't want to miss your favorite part!" she bounced back to her spot on the couch and we were no longer touching.

And that friends, is how I got my first kiss and friend-zoned in the same moment.