ML Story (iM eLove)

48

Imbis na bumalik sa pagdiriwang ay hanatid ako ng mga paa ko palabas sa isang pinto. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang mamataan ko na pool area pala ang nasa likod ng pinto.

Medyo may kadilimin ang pool area. Nagiging silbing liwanag ang ilaw galing sa tatlong lamp post sa nakakalat sa paligid. May mini garden rin ito sa kabilang banda, it added to the relaxing ambiance of the surroundings.

Dahan dahan akong lumapit sa gilid ng palanguyan at kinalas ang sapatos ko. I reached for the hem of my gown and pulled it up a bit. Umupo ako sa galid ng pool at nilublob ang mga paa ko sa tubig.

I shivered a bit when the cold water from the pool touched my feet. Ilang segundo lang ay nakaadjust narin ako sa temperatura nito. I looked up to see the starry sky. Nothing changed, it's still my favorite view. Ang pinagkaiba, wala yung taong madalas kong kasama manuod ng mga bituin.

Memories from the past suddenly flashed at the back of my mind just like a movie. Our laughters, sweet moments, teasing, banters, little fights...everything! Nagrereplay sa utak ko na para akong nanunuod ng pilikula sa harapan ko. Detailed, like how his lips curved into a smile, how loud my laughter when he threw his corny jokes, how our eyes glistened with love and adoration when we looked at each other.

A bittersweet smile formed in my lips as a lone tear escaped from the corner of my eyes. Panghihinayang at lungkot ang namayani sa puso ko.

Pilit ko mang itanggi sa sarili ay alam kong nariyan parin ang pagmamahal ko kay Bryan sa kailaliman ng puso ko. Pero alam ko kung nasaan ang lugar ko sa sa buhay niya ngayon.

Malayo!

But still, I would secretly cheered and be proud of his every achievement. I would clapped my hands and be happy from afar when someday he will get married to another woman,,, to his right woman. I will still includes him to my prayers.

I will treat well and take care of his children when I get a chance to meet them in the future, tell them how amazing their father was.

I wished when that time comes, we can both have our own true happiness, even apart.

Oo nga pala, he has his own true happiness already. I guess, I have no choice but to wait for mine, in someone else's or in my self alone.

"Sabi ko na nga ba nandito ka lang" dali dali kong pinunasan ang luha ko nang marinig ko ang boses ni Aries na palapit sa pwesto ko.

"Wag mo nang itago, kanina pa ako nakamasid doon sa pinto" yumuko ito para hubarin ang sapatos at medyas niya. Umupo rin ito sa tabi ko at itinaas ang dulo ng trouser pants niya para maglublob ng paa.

"Alam mo gusto kong magalit at singhalan ka nang makita kitang tumakbo dito at maabutang umiiyak ka." napahinga siya ng malalim. "Gusto kitang singhalan na matagal na yon! Akala ko ba move on na tayo?! But who am I to judge, who am I to tell you to stop how you feel. Everyday we fight for our own pain and misery. It might be petty and corny to somebody but fuck their opinion and judgement! They never been through what we've been through!"

"I'm sorry Ar, I can't help it. Just this-" kinabig niya ako para yakapin. Tuluyan na akong napaiyak sa bisig niya.

I promised to him before that I will never cry again because of the same reason, Bryan.

"I didn't told you to stop crying or feeling the pain, but I want you to stop hurting yourself, I want you to be genuinely happy Bri." he touched my back gently. "I know you didn't try to move on from him, you might used to his absence but how about now? Now that his back?...Let's try to move on B, yong genuine, yong may effort!. I don't want to see you hurt, aside from I cared for you I don't want to see myself in you...it's destructing!. You're worthy to be loved Brianna, not to shattered." malumanay ang tono ng boses niya pero dinig ko ang diin sa bawat salita.

Tumango ako, naiintindihan ko lahat nang nais iparating ni Aries. I'll try, real hard!

Kumalas ako ng yakap sa kanya para ayosin ang sarili ko. Nakita ko sa gilid ng mata ko ang silweta ng taong papasok sa pinto ng bulwagan. Gusto rin sigurong tumakas sa ingay ng mga tao sa loob, kaya lang baka hindi ito tumuloy dahil nakita ang ayos namin ni Aries.

"Thank you Ar" I genuinely said, Aries has been my companion for the last years. Hindi ko alam kung saan parte nang kabutihan niya sa akin ako nagpapasalamat ngayon. Thank you wasn't enough for all his goodness to me.

Akmang guguluhin niya ang buhok ko nang samaan ko siya ng tingin at narealize niya na nakahigh ponytail ako at nasa formal party kami. Bakas ang panghihinayang sa mukha niya at pagkabitin ng kamay niya kaya napatawa kami.

"I'm glad you're laughing now.. Let's celebrate for that!" napakunot ang nuo ko nang kunin niya ang isang bote ng alak at dalawang baso sa gilid. Nanlaki ang mata ko. Hindi ko ito napansin kanina.

"Where did you get that?" I asked him, pointing at the bottle, with an accusing voice.

"Sa display table ng mga alak" kibit balikat nitong tugon at sunalinan ang dalawang baso. Nanlaki ang mata ko.

"Gagi, totoo? Shit, nakakahiya ka!" natatawa kong turo sa kanya. I can't imagine Aries would pick a drink for take out in a party. Ewan ko ba kung mahihiya ako o matatawa.

"Nagpaalam ako sa waiter oy, sabi ko utos ng ex mong matanda..Yaan mo na mayaman naman sila e. Gagastos pa ba tayo pangbar kung may libre?" bahagya pa nitong itinaas ang hawak na alak. Bumunghalit ako ng tawa. Pag ito talagang si Aries dinapuan ng topak, ang lala! Kahit minsan lang siyang gumagawa ng katarantaduhan! Nagkwentuhan lang kami habang umiinom.

"Aries, I have something to tell you" napakagat labi ako. Kinakabahan sa magiging reaksyon niya. Nilagyan niya ulit ng alak ang baso namin. Nakalahati na namin ang alak.

"Ano?" nakakunot ang nuo niya habang hinihintay ang sasabihin ko. Binaba ko ang baso sa semento at yumuko.

"Ahmm.. That c-condo.. Yung t-tinitirhan ko ngayon" I lifted my chin to see his reaction. His forehead ceased, waiting for me to continue. "A-actually, that place belongs to...him" kinakabahan kong pagtatapat.

Hindi ko intensyon na itago ito sa kanya pero hindi ko naalala na nabanggit ko rin ito sa kanya. Mahirap lang ngayon aminin dahil kakasabi niya lang na mag eeffort na kaming magmove on, knowing the fact that I'm living in my ex's place.

I raised his glass and took his shot. "I know" pabulong na sabi niya.

Napalitan ng pagtataka ang kaba ko. "Panu mo nalaman?" he just shrugged.

"I already had a hunch when you told us you're moving in to that place. Nakompirma ko lang ito nung maghakot tayo ng gamit mo, I saw sadness and longing in your eyes looking around the unit" chill niyang paliwanag. I didn't knew I was that easy to read. Malungkot nga ako nang araw na yon. Namimiss ko kasi si Bryan.

"So?" I tilted my head, anticipating for his violent reaction. Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

"What? As if I am the one who will decide where you should live. That time hinayaan kita, maybe it'll help you in your healing process. Minsan kasi naduduwag tayong harapin ang mga bagay na nakapagpaalala sa atin ng mga taong minsan naging parte ng buhay natin. Someone told me before that one thing we should do to move forward is to face our fears,,, kung kinakailangan mong balik balikan ang nakaraan, damhin ang sakit hanggang sa masanay ka na at hindi mo na ito mararamdaman pa... Then accept that you have to walk your life, visit to the your favorite place together or to a new places, do something you usually did...but this time without that person"

Mapait akong napangiti. This past four years, I knew to myself I never did something to move on from him. Sinanay ko man ang sarili ko at inihanda sa mga maaaring mangyayari, but I realized it was all just an illusion. I'm still living in the dreams and life the we both planned... the condo, the company, everything!

Unconsciously, I am still building my future...that includes him.

_🖋