𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐨 - (𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏

𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚘 𝚃𝚘𝚍𝚘𝚛𝚘𝚔𝚒

Todoroki was acutely aware that Bakugou had been cheating on him with Kirishima, but rather than boiling over with profound rage or sorrow at Bakugou, Todoroki instead directed his feelings at himself. What was it about Kirishima that enraptured Bakugou, and why was it that Todoroki's unadulterated love wasn't enough to earn Bakugou's fidelity? Well, Todoroki wasn't entirely certain, and that dubiety was what ruthlessly tore him apart.

However, there was one thing that Todoroki had cajoled himself into being convinced wholly of, and he would ruminate on the prospect of it daily. It was almost like a disease to his mind that itched the more he thought about it, but he couldn't help but return to those thoughts again and again. Yet, as his deleterious thoughts insidiously developed and deteriorated over time, he could only grimace at the fact that he still loved Bakugou.

Why am I never enough for you? Todoroki cerebrated while strolling towards Bakugou's dorm with Bakugou's hand clutched loosely in his own hand. I always wonder, but whenever I compare myself to Kirishima, it's always crystal clear. Of course. He's a wonderful person... Everything about him is better than whatever I have to offer. I wish I could be like him. Happy... He's always so positive. I wish I could be happy like that. I don't even know why I'm depressed. Nothing bad has happened whatsoever. If anything, it was all going incredibly well, and yet...I still just felt disgustingly empty. I still do. Why? Now is understandable, but before? I had absolutely no reason to feel like this, but I did. Damn. Speaking of which, I forgot to take my antidepressants today. It's not like they particularly help, though. They just make me tired. Another reason not to get out of bed at all. Forget it.

While Todoroki and Bakugou stepped into the 3-A dormitory elevator together, Bakugou pulled his hand from Todoroki's hold. "Why have you been so distant and-" Todoroki began, but Bakugou brusquely interjected him.

"Speak for yourself," Bakugou growled dismissively.

Todoroki flinched, but although it was true that he'd been far less expressive and affectionate even before he'd discovered that Bakugou had cheated on him, Todoroki's depression had begun to drastically worsen. "What about it?" he muttered defensively, but he hadn't intended to precipitously spew the first thought that came to mind. "It's not like I cheated on you." From the corner of his eye, he caught the flicker of Bakugou's brows.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Bakugou hissed, "You might as well have cheated on me with yourself. I really fucking needed you, and what the hell did you do? Act like I never fucking existed!" His scrunched brows were practically twitching.

I wasn't trying to, but I physically couldn't get out of bed. "I told you-I was asleep. You can't blame me for that."

The elevator ceased its whirring once it arrived at Bakugou's floor. "I called you seventeen fucking times!" he spat with vitriol dripping from his jagged words. "You're the lightest sleeper on the face of the earth! You deliberately ignored me. You should've been able to figure out I was fucking desperate to get a hold of you from calling you so many fucking times!" He coiled his hands around Todoroki's wrists and slammed them back against the wall while seething jets of steam were ejected from his nostrils.

Todoroki stifled a yelp of agony as Bakugou's nails dug into Todoroki's wrists. "Let go," Todoroki pleaded with perfervid urgency impregnating his voice.

Perhaps Bakugou had detected the dire desperation surging through Todoroki's gasp, but he nonetheless released Todoroki. "Only having a sense of importance for yourself, huh?" Bakugou sibilated while Todoroki briskly turned his back to Bakugou to scrutinize his wrists. "Tch. Pathetic. I didn't even grab you with that strong of a grip."

They're not bleeding through the bandages, Todoroki thought as the sound of a door being slammed shut snapped at his ears. Shit. That really hurt... When he doesn't hate me, it's much more tolerable. I don't mind it when it precedes something affectionate. I still need to grab my things from his dorm. It's my fault for never telling him about my depression and primary coping method for it, but I'm still jealous of his relationship with Kirishima. I hate that I can't be as good to him as Kirishima is. I hate how he treats me, even if it's completely justified. I hate that I can't let go of him. Ah. He always picks on how submissive I am, but he's never given me an opportunity. Maybe it's wrong, but I want to chip his ego a little bit.

Sighing to himself, Todoroki reluctantly knocked on Bakugou's door, and much to his stupefaction, the door soon clicked open. "Get your shit and go," Bakugou grumbled before plopping back down onto his bed.

To say the least, Todoroki's plans diverged immensely from Bakugou's. He furtively turned the lock on the door and trudged through the suffocating silence as though to retrieve his bag, but instead, he silently exhaled and approached Bakugou. Standing before his partner, Todoroki felt a brief twinge of jealousy gouge through his chest at the thought of how affectionate Bakugou might have been if Kirishima had been standing in front of him instead.

Cerise blades bled with belligerent rancor as they locked with Todoroki's icy, inscrutable slabs of vacuity. "The fuck do you want?" hissed the ash-blonde.

Todoroki gripped Bakugou's shoulders. "I know you cheated on me," muttered the former in a sigh before he slid one hand to the back of Bakugou's head and forced their lips together.

Despite that, I still love you, and that's what's killing me the most right now, Todoroki thought while the fervid splashes of their lips dribbled like honey and were pushed together and pulled apart like magnets. Every time, I fall right into this sweet, sticky trap. I love it. I hate it. I can't help but want it. I wonder how much this will destroy me today...