Hurts So Good (Neil Melendez (The Good Doctor) x OC)

This Is... You

"She loved the crown," says Neil while coming through the front door, "and thank you for the card, you didn't have to, but she loved that too. She draws a lot and when she saw your drawings she lost it," we both chuckle.

Tonight is a particularly cold night and Neil tries to warm his fingers by rubbing them against each other, until I tell him to go into the kitchen and wait for me. I head over to my bedroom, take out a wool blanket and a self heating pad. I break the little capsule inside of it and I can already feel it warm up in my hands. I go back to the kitchen, give him the mini heating pad and wrap his hands inside the wool blanket.

"I hate being cold. I always, always, get cold hands and feet especially at work, but also at home sometimes, but these things? They've saved me a lot of times," I tell him.

"They come in handy during winter, that's for sure, thanks."

"No problem," I say, "I'm glad she loved it. She can have all the crowns she wants, just name a color and I'll do it." I'm behind the kitchen counter, and Neil is still warming his hands, so I just finish doing what I was doing before he rang the bell, getting dinner ready. I'm making a salty pie with tomatoes, aubergines, mushrooms and garlic. The taste of all these ingredients together is rich and rounded, perfect to eat with some pork.

"Whatever it is that you are doing, it smells amazing," Neil murmures, "anyway, shall we start? I swear my hands are fine now, I won't freeze you to death."

"I hope so! Mostly because it's not me the real problem right now, the little girl kicks hard whenever she feels cold, or...whatever it is that she feels."

Neil watches me with a raised eyebrow, "She wants to get out sooner that expected maybe, she wants to know the real cold." After hearing his words I look at my bump and I direct my next words to the baby, "Ugh, trust me, you may wanna stay in there for as long as you can."

"Why do you say that?" he chuckles. 

"Because... " I start saying. I was gonna say "the world sucks", "most people suck", "someone will let you down", "someone will eventually hurt you", but then I remember my promises, and I decide to go for something not as dark as the things I thought, and I infuse my words with both honesty and a little bit of reversed-nostalgia, "because she'll have to learn that the world isn't always bright and beautiful, and momma doesn't want her to grow up, although she said she is looking forward to see that."

"You were going to say something else entirely, but okay," he alleges.

"You don't wanna know what I was going to say," I inform him.

"What if I do?"

I was walking towards the sofa, but I stop midway, and I turn to face him, "Neil, there's a version of me that I rarely show people, she was gonna answer that question, and I'm proud I shut her mouth before she could speak, because she tends to destroy everything, just by using words. I'm not proud of her, even though I am fully aware that I am talking about myself, I... just try to detach myself from her when I can."

Neil is nodding his head absent-mindedly, "Have you ever considered the fact that maybe it would be best to embrace that part and love her too, instead of shutting her down? We all have a dark side. Shutting it down will only make it bigger and stronger and when it'll come out the first time, it'll take over everything else. Been there, done that. You don't wanna make the same mistake, not with a baby on its way," he stands up from the chair and passes right by me sitting on the sofa and removing his coat, "shall we start?" 

*

"Ouch!" I yell. Neil is massaging my hand, we're done with all of the exercises once again, but tonight this part specifically hurts.