Naruto Fanfic Reviews

LOVE IS BLIND

Before I begin the interview, I want everyone to know I'm not a bully and that any negative critics I say are not to offend or hurt the author. We are only trying to help. I hope you enjoy and learn from this review and please for RAMEN' sake, remember you asked us to do this.

First Impressions:

I do not know about other people, but before I read the book, I often judge it by the cover, title, and description. I know if it looks and sounds good, I usually read it right away. Though I think this might be a given for any avid reader. Your cover is basically the essence of what your story will be about in a way. The better the cover, the better the story, because it means you are working earnestly to be so. The cover of your story is vivid and humble. So I believe it does the job of catching the reader's eye nicely.

Another way to catch a potential reader's attention is to have a catchy title. A title is precisely like a picture, meaning it can capture a thousand words about the story without giving anything away about the plot. Your title is fine if a little repetitive, but it will do.

Writing a description of the story can be challenging, and I understand it as a fellow writer myself. You don't want your description to be too lengthy or even too limited. You also don't want to give the reader too much of your story. That being said, I think your description is lengthy and could be shortened down. (A few grammar errors to fix as well.)

Your story is engaging and intriguing, as I have not read stories set in this type of manner. 

Your Story's Structure

So far, what I have observed is your stories structure is decent, but could use a little work, as I found it a tad bit rushed and scenes changing rapidly. Your chapters are a little short, so I suggest maybe trying to write a few more words. Your grammar could use a little bit more reform from what I observed, but not done too badly either. (A beta would be an immense help.) The scenes are written okay, but could use a bit more description and emotion.

Example of description: The wind was brisk tonight as it gently caressed Naruto's cheeks as if they knew he needed a lover. The sound of leaves crunching underneath Naruto's orange shoes matched the rhythm of his heartbeat.

Example of emotion: Purple sparks around him, and in his grief, the world blends into muted colors. "Jiang-" someone is calling his name, but his grief is too much and breathe, breathe. "Jiang." He's choking on something, and why can he not get air in his lungs? There's a sting to his face, and Jiang Cheng finds himself in cruel reality as his sworn brother, Wei Wuxian, stands over him with a look of concern in his gray eyes. "Wanyin, breathe." Jiang Cheng finds himself on the floor in the midst of his damaged sorrow and rage. (from a story of mine)

Final Verdict on your story

I can imagine this gaining even more popularity within time, as everyone loves a good story that involves Sakura and thinking outside of the box! <3

I know I probably came off relatively rude or harsh, but this is a review and the author consented to it. Also, please remember this is merely my opinion, and other readers or writers may not agree with me on it. A review is nothing but free advice sometimes taken, and other times not okay. I'm hardly the perfect writer, and I can guarantee you I'm learning something new about writing daily.

Cheer's mate!

-Crowillow