We the Weirdos

Chapter Twenty-Two

Barney, sorry, cough, Peppa tested me because he 'wanted to see if I was worthy of living.' Ridiculous, right?

Wrong. Seriously, my life depended on that 'test.' He made me (after peeling 7 thousand bananas, by the way) untie myself from a pole (my poor hands).

He timed me, and it took me three minutes. "You're so slow," he said, "I'm pretty sure a turtle could untie itself from a pole faster than you."

He doesn't even have a reason why a turtle would be tied to a pole in the first place.

I stretched after being tied to the pole for three minutes. And then something holy, magical, and awesome happened.

I tripped. Awesome, isn't it?

"Why are you so clumsy? You're going to die because of it," Barney said. I'm sticking with Barney. Peppa is just so terrifying that I don't even want to acknowledge his existence anymore.

"I'm not clumsy! It's just that the floor, the tables, the chairs, and the wall are always in the way. And they hate me, so don't blame me." I crossed my arms while I dusted myself off.

He rolled his eyes before he said, "Next test."

I THOUGHT THERE WAS ONLY ONE TEST. Bummer.

"It involves bananas." He said before leading me to another part of the plane.

Bananas? Really? I thought I did that yesterday! My life sucks. I will never eat a banana after this unless 1) I'm starving or 2) I don't make it out of this alive. Let's hope for option one, shall we?

"Due to the influence of teenage hormones, I could burst into tears or kill you within the next five minutes. I hate bananas now." I told him.

"Lucky for you," he paused for tension, "We'll be fighting on a floor of rotten bananas. May the living one win."

And when I saw that evil grin he had on his face, I knew I had a very low chance of surviving.
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Dealing with Barney (and other specific people) is like trying to nail jello to the wall. I know nailing jello to a wall is pointless, but you BETTER know what I mean. Or else- or else I'll-

"Round one!" Fred announced.

"Round WHAT?!" I yelled/asked while a punch came from Barney/Peppa/whatever ridiculous name he wants me to call him.

He grinned while aiming another punch at me. "HERE," I said, "WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT! JUST STOP PUNCHING - OR WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING- ME!!!!"

"Oh, okay. I'll stop punching you, then." He lowered his arm. But I wasn't calm yet.

"I'll start kicking you since you're not doing anything." He said after a few silent moments, and man, I love you, my precious shins, you have been with me my whole eighteen years of life, but I don't think you'll make it to the day you're nineteen. What a shame.

I dodged a few more, but I was failing to protect my abdomen, which got punched. Really hard. Barney, if I could muster all the emotions in the world, I would use it on you to tell you all the hate I have for you, because it's just so hard to express with just a kick in the you-know-where. You should be honored that I'm doing this.

"Ugh," I grunted, while giving him a well-deserved kick, "You suck, man. Ever heard of a diet?"

Barney weighs more than the dinosaur Barney. I've recently learned that Barney is not a dragon (which makes him a whole lot worse because I actually like dragons).

He got angry, and started throwing punches and kicks and BANANAS at me while I tried to keep stable in my slip-resistant shoes. That day, I learned that slip-resistant shoes are trash.

Like, seriously, I literally slipped in one! About three seconds ago. Here's a tip - bananas, slip-resistant shoes and the floor do not mix well.

If Lysander was here, he'd tell me he wouldn't be surprised if I slipped in slip-resistant shoes, and to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised either because I'm just that weirdo that can literally slip in slip-resistant shoes. Ugh, I better stop saying 'slip-resistant.' Slip-resistant.

I literally just realized - I'm fighting for my life. But that's okay. Because if I do end up surviving, I'm going to give Lysander one huge, heartwarming...

Punch in the gut.

Anyway, so like-

Barney grunted while I dodged (sadly) another kick.

"DIE, LITTLE GIRL!" Barney yelled at me.

"NO!" I said, while repeatedly kicking and stepping on his foot. "No thanks." I stomped on his foot again. Hard pass, anyone agree?

He forced me to get near the door to the plane. It opened a little, just in time for a bird to come in and then the door closed.

Uh-oh. Am I going to die? Please, no. I don't wanna die.

"DUCK!" I yelled, while the large bird flew in the plane. Stupid idiot. Why'd he open the plane door anyway. I was getting dangerously close to the door.

He looked up. "Duck? Where? I love ducks! I love teasing them and watching them hit each other. Bet you could never guess what my favorite part about ducks are. It's- AHH!" He screamed while the bird was pecking holes in his shirt while doing something that made him yell and fight. I think I heard a little crying, too.

Whatever the bird is, I like it. We share the bond of a dislike for Barney or Peppa or whatever.

"THERE'S NO DUCK, YOU IDIOT!" Fred yelled at him.

"Hey! I hate you F-" Barpeppa started (that's what I'm going to call him).

Fred raised his eyebrows. "It seems like the bird especially likes you. Child, come with me, we can go get some cheese."

YES! Fred is better. Obviously, any weird guy that offered me cheese who is also my kidnapper would be trustworthy. Obviously.

"I was going to say French fries!" Barpeppa protested while trying and failing to shoo away the bird.

"Where's 'French fries' then?" Fred asked.

"Sorry, I think he meant 'Florence.'" I said.

"Yeah! That, Fred. Could you help me, dear friend?" Barney asked, more mad at us then at the bird.

"Fine." Fred said while gently letting the bird free by opening the door.

"Don't close the plane door," Barpeppa ordered, "We'll play with the door open. Time to die, little girl."

And the next thing I saw were clouds.

Then it all went black.
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I know this was a little boring, but the next chapters are going to get a bit intense.

Have a nice day, you guys. And I know you guys may not know it, but now that school's started and I now spend a good chunk of my time writing for you guys. I don't want you to feel bad or guilty or sad or anything like that. I just want you guys to feel grateful that I care about you guy's entertainment and happiness. And if you have ANY problems or need someone to talk or rant to, I'm here and my DMs are open.

Try reading How to Survive Highschool for a more detailed fight or whatever you want to call this. Because I'll include it in there because yes, Ava and Walker are going to be a part of it.

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