We the Weirdos

Chapter Eighteen

"So you're saying I have to go to a private school? With all those rich white people and full of Karens? And Kens? Please, no, mom! I'm begging you! What do you want, just say it! Cheeze-its? Here, take them," I said, frantically rummaging around the pantry to reveal my Cheeze-it stash.

"Ken? I thought that was Barbie's boyfriend. There's more than one Ken? Wonderful! But don't worry, that's another reason we're sending you to a private school." My mom asked. "Right? And I bought those Cheeze-its, so you're basically not giving anything up." She narrowed her eyes.

"You know what? Nevermind. I'm keeping my own Cheeze-its. Now, moving on- wait...'another reason?' There's a reason?" I asked, confused.

"Of course! You think we just want to send you a million miles away? Well, not gonna lie, I kinda want to." My dad said.

"Yeah, Dad. Thanks for making me feel like I belong here." I crossed my arms.

"Hey! It's not my fault you decided to hog the TV all day. It's just neutral for me to be grateful that you'll be gone. Away from the TV, too." My dad said.

My mom crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Fine! And because we- what? Oh, right. We want you to become more mature and independent and whatever. So we need you to be more woman-y, even though it's kinda too late because you're already in twelve grade." My dad said. My mom relaxed.

"You're not coming with me?" I asked.

"Yeah! I'm here to watch TV after work, aren't I- oh, sorry, sweetie, you need to be more woman-y. That sounded okay, right, Martha?" My dad said the last part more quietly, to my mom, who glared at him, "Because we have to sound like awesome role models for our daughter even though on the inside we're sucky parents."

Wow. I've been lied to my whole life. One, I didn't know my mom's name was Martha (ack, that reminds me of the talking dog, Martha from Martha Speaks), and two, I never knew my parents had the word 'sucky' in their dictionary.

"Yeah, that sounded fine. Woman-y is an awesome word." My mom said in my dad's ear, not so quietly, if I may add.

I gasped. "What if there's no pizza there? Or French fries? No, no, not the French fries!" I grabbed my mom's arm. "Tell me there's French fries there. I can't live without them."

My mom raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, she needs to be more woman-y. She needs to go to this school." She said to my dad.

Then she turned to me. "Nope, no French fries." She shook her head.

"Is it in the Bahamas? Please don't let it be the Bahamas." I said quietly.

"It's not the Bahanas." My mom said.

"BahaMAS," I corrected.

She ignored me. "It's on an island in Hawaii."

Private school? More like personal jail.

I'm so going to die at the school.

But first, I'm going to bash Lysander's head with a few coconuts. To, you know, get in the tropical mood.
_________

"What if there aren't any windows there? Vitamin D is sufficient! Don't die there. A couple thousand miles is just a little space." Lysander said at school the next day.

Did he just quote Sasha Sloan?

"Yes, that makes me ten times better than I felt before about going to school a few hundred miles away. And I know Vitamin D is sufficient! I should've been the one to tell you that when you were on the wonderful car ride to the police's station."

He gasped. "There aren't any windows in jail?"

"Duh." Has he been living in a cave his whole life? No, scratch that. There aren't any windows in caves, either.

"I guess I'll miss your presence a little..." he said.

Ya think? Who is this human?

I raised my eyebrow. "A little?"

"Okay, okay, fine. I'll miss you. But I'll send letters!"

He really hasn't been living on Earth his whole life.

"Me too...What is this, the 1800s? Have you forgotten about something? Maybe something called a phone? Don't know if you've heard of it before."

I'm not even sure he knows what a private school is. He's treating it like it's boot camp or something.

"Oh. This?" He asked, holding up his book.

B.R.U.H.

He laughed. "No, I know what a phone is."

And he did something super unexpected.

He gave me a hug. I awkwardly patted his back.

"I-uh- I'm leaving tomorrow." I told him.

He pulled away. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just did!" I argued.

I had a feeling this day would be a long day.

And it was.
________

"You're shipping me off to private school? On a literal ship?" I asked incredulously, "You must really hate your daughter."

"I'm just trying to save money so we don't have to drive you! And some extra TV time..." My dad said the last part more quietly.

"You're saying it like it doesn't cost any money to be shipped off..." I paused for tension, "Hawaii! Ahh! What if there's no air conditioning? Is it a cruise ship? I hope so. Better enjoy my freedom when I can."

"You'll find out, honey. I'll miss you, so, so much." My mom hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek, while I just stood there.

"Yeah... me too." I said.

I took my bags and sat in the car.

By the time we got to the dock, it was almost sunset.

This might be a long 13 hours.
________

Yeah. That's the end of this chapter.

Thanks for reading! How was this chapter?

I've started a new book and it would be awesome if you checked it out! It's call How To Survive Highschool.

Blurb:

He's the jar breaker.

Step one: Steal hearts.

Step two: place them in jars.

Step three: break the jars, one by one.
-
Ava's the prettiest girl at her school, yet not one boy has taken her home yet.

Walker, on the other hand, was Oceanhigh's number one jar breaker.

Yes, you heard that right.

Jar breaker.

(Read the whole blurb when you click on my book.)

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