Stray Scars (Book 2)

Chapter 16

Pov: Isabelle Snow

The air stilled.

My laughter cut off instantly, and my heart stopped beating, making my whole body freeze under immense pressure. I stayed lain down on the mattress, thankful for the dimly lit room. Looking at him was impossible. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

Not him.

Not today of all days.

Not today because today's the day I realized just how much he meant to me. I was ready to take a bullet for someone other than my brother. That meant..

I liked him.

I liked him more than I thought I could like a boy.

I liked him more than he liked me, even.

He was just so.. different. He was so different than what I knew. He felt like family even before marriage papers got involved- the kind of family that wasn't blood related.

He slowly rose up, crawling onto the bed and approaching me. "Why do you look like you're in pain?"

"You don't look any less pained," I whispered, searching his eyes for any humor or teasing, but finding none. This was real. He was confessing to me seriously; no games or beating around the bush. "I don't deserve you, Hyunjin."

How could I let let this boy see exactly how worthless I was?

How could I show him the image of me who wasn't with him? The me who was so different when he wasn't around?

Did I even.. want him to see me the way I saw myself? I hated the thought of him finally opening his eyes to to how ugly I was. If he did, there'd be no one left who'd look at me so fondly.

I was finally beginning to feel less lonely too..

"Why not?" he mumbled, leaning down and kissing my left cheek. His action made me shut my eyes, enjoying the sensation of the sweetest pain.

"You deserve someone who has a clean past.. and a surely clean future. I don't think I can give you either," I admitted, using my index finger to stop him from kissing my other cheek too.

That was a mistake.

As soon as my fingertip made contact with his full lips, I almost pulled him down myself, letting go of all which drove me to reject him. If I didn't stop myself, I could hurt him so bad.. This wasn't the time to be selfish.

I couldn't do that to him.

"I'm going to paint you a picture," I began as I played with the strands of his silky hair. They were pretty and long, shiny and smooth; mesmerizing, so to say. This was the most I allowed myself to touch him.

He was a forbidden happiness. It could easily run out if shared with a black hole that would keep sucking.

I painted him a picture of a girlfriend who was pure and innocent, kind and gifted. A girl who would love him as he deserved and would be there for him at all times.

All the things I couldn't live up to.

My voice even cracked at the end, but I didn't let something so trivial stop me from warning him. My story moved on from the perfect girl.. to me. I proceeded to bring to light how dangerous having me around could get. He wouldn't be safe. I wouldn't be available. There were too many people who hated me out there. They had tremendous power over me. We had obstacles everywhere.

What would he do if I suddenly got called from Black Galaxy and couldn't see him for weeks? What would he do if something happened to me during a risky mission? How would he react if he found out about everything before I had the chance to.. tell him..