𝐔𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 [18+]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐗𝐋𝐈𝐕

We resumed our lunch with more carefreeness now, having light talk and laughs as if everything was fine. And I was grateful for that, between all the misery and shattered hearts I had my friends there with me. The pain was still there, that part was inevitable, that soft feeling in your chest that you would mistake for something else was still there at every moment.

I continued working and it was still there with the constant reminder that we were no longer together. I believe that was the worst part, not being able to erase that constant reminder, that at least once every hour a thought of him would cross my mind in which I tried to let go. He was always there, even if I didn't see him. And I wondered if right now, for him, I was always there too.

A fraction in his mind that dangled every so often, threatening to drop and break lose. Honestly, I had to stop lying, it had already dropped lose.

My tries to remain unbothered and unsettled came to no avail. I still belonged to him, smithereens of heart he took every day until he possessed it all. Words that meant so much, memories, fractions of a reality that no longer existed.

Everything reminded me of him. I got into Ember's car everyday and I remembered how we once went to dinner blasting music in his expensive car. I ate toasts in the morning, and how could it not, it reminded me of him. He did not only take ahold of my heart but of everything around me. Every memory we had, built and changed the world around me, and I don't know if it will ever go back as before.

It was no longer the world I lived in, but the world I shared with him.

My mind still didn't grasp that we still shared the same work space, breathes within the same structures. All my break ups once cut were never to be brought again. I didn't need to worry about crashing onto them. Yet with Aaron I did. Yet it was still not the same, for my heart belonged to him, piece after piece. He took it so slowly I hadn't quite noticed how much he had actually taken.

_________

My eyes are tired, two droopy lids which can't seem to stay open for a indefinite amount of time. Yet I don't want them to, for in my dreams he visits me more than in reality. It is in my dreams that I have to phase him and respond.

Ember looks at me quite so often, worry etched across her face. She doesn't comment on it, doesn't utter a sound, yet I feel her support from within miles away.

I know she feels as if she is in no right to talk, being in a stable relationship. Or sort of. I know it isn't what she wants, who she wants, but her heart doesn't want to admit it.

She has been going out with Thomas for about three weeks now. They're not dating, they're seeing where things are going she tells me. But what that actually means is seeing if Charlie comes back for her, like she's still hoping for. I've told her countless of times she shouldn't be playing with Thomas' heart, but much like her I am in no room to talk.

"Have you got everything settled?" I ask her, deeming it the right time to change atmosphere. "You know what you need and how you'll go about?"

"I think so. I'm still nervous," she answers truthfully.

Who would've have expected, well, much more who wouldn't have. Ember told me two weeks ago she had been having an idea, and to no surprise it was having her own sex shop. Though the idea may sound absurd and immature, it is much more than that. She has been doing her fair share of research and I've found I have never seen her as invested in this as anything else. She still doesn't know what to do with Ryan Inc., but honestly, I don't see her staying much more, and I say that in every positive way. She's someone that aspires for more and if combining her ambitiousness to her sex drive gives her a sex shop then so be it.

I get up from the couch and walk toward the kitchen where Ember stands. "I'm going to the store, need anything?"

"Chocolate, please," she pouts. I smile, a genuine smile since some weeks. That brings a smile to her face as well, and after she gives me a proud peck on the cheek I grab my keys and head out.

I sigh and close my eyes after closing the door. I just wished smiles weren't so hard anymore.

I don't even know where to start. It's been months since I haven't uploaded and I am extremely thankful for all the messages. I think not writing for a while has really helped me and I am now starting to find the joy in it again. This does not mean I will upload every week like I used to, it means I am starting to write.

Thank you all for everything, and see you in the next chapter. Love you all,

Mart 🤍