Daisy II | Levi Ackerman

Chapter 42 - As the World Caves In

854

[Naomi]

I stared right into the asphalt gray wall as the cold water from the shower splashed over my head, drenching my bare body and washing away the dirt. Some small scratches bled a little, but the gunshot wound that only needed to be stitched was wound tight. The puddle below me was a mix of water, dust and blood.

I sighed deeply, closing my eyes and running my hand over my hair, my chest weighing down with the rest of the heavy weight of exhaustion taking a toll on me. Despite the chilling gush, I decided to open my eyes a little; for closing them condemned me to horrendous images of fellow scouts dying. We slit their throats, we sliced through torsos, we gunned them down, we buried them in concrete rubble. It painfully froze me, pricking every inch of my skin more than the running water did.

I turned the knob off and looked for soap. I was inside one of the ship facilities and I didn't think there'd be hygiene supplies in here anyway, considering that it wasn't attended to for a while. But I found a small ivory bar and used it on my hands first, before lathering the rest of my body with it. I found myself scrubbing harder than I ought. Perhaps it was the subconscious thought that it could wash me of my crimes.

I rinsed myself and took the cloth Levi used in his shower earlier, using it to dry myself as well. I brushed, then I put on a cleaner white pullover we found in the stockroom, completely dressed in a couple of minutes. I left the washrooms after combing and headed straight for our cabin.

The rest of my friends were settled in as well for the night, weary and burnt out from the recent affliction. We were making the most of what leisure time we had left, unable to do anything despite the distress of needing to do something. We were left to let our bodies rest. Levi and Hanji had just finished discussing our strategy by now, and had both retired to their cabins.

The circular steel windows I passed by showed the calm seas in the indigo dark, the absence of even a speck of light creating a barren ambience; like the imminence of lamentation and grief.

Everywhere I went, it felt as if some anchor was tying me down to the ground, miles below my feet. Deep into the seabed. And that would make sense, for it was comparable to drowning, myself already in the dearth of strength to swim up to the surface; or perhaps I didn't even try to- for I knew that the anchor made it so futile, escape was an act of ignorance.

As I opened the door, I found Levi sitting on the chair by the small table near the cot, tying his fresh line of bandage around his sewn-up torso. The sight of his tattered body was another strike to my remaining strength. I almost thought I'd collapse on the floor.

Levi looked up to me, concern clouding his gray gaze. "Feel better?"

I sustained his gaze for a while, the barren whirring of the ship's engines occupying the pause of contemplative silence. I didn't know what to say. My lips quivered and I felt my face begin to knot into an impending cry, as I shook my head at Levi.

"Come closer." He said quietly, pushing himself back as he buttoned up his shirt, so I could sit on the edge of the cot. I walked slowly to it and sat on the thin gray mattress, my eyes of guilt trained on the floor.

Levi pulled his chair closer to face me, holding both of my hands as I rested them on my knees. "I won't ask you to talk if you can't. But tell me what you need, so I won't go insane watching you cry."

My breath shuddered as it was released, myself unable to cry, unable to articulate the exact thoughts that were haunting me in my head. Back in the immediate aftermath of the shootout, the adrenalin rush prevented me from thinking of these dismal thoughts, but now that I had time on my own to evening idleness, they crept in my mind like suffocating poison.