Vampire Days

Chapter 23: Tumor

"I'm just trying to convince him, okay? What if he actually comes?"

They looked at each other and I think a lightbulb went on between the two of them based on their reactions. A comic duo. At first I thought they weren't close because they looked so different from each other. Clifford didn't look like he liked anime, like he's fond of making trouble and he's a bit of a loudmouthed guy while Lorenzo was soft-spoken and an obvious otaku. Maybe they influenced each other because they stick together too much.

"Austin will surely tag along," they said in unison, grinning from ear to ear before turning to me expectantly.

"I wouldn't count on it," I muttered, scowling at no one in particular. I don't even know when will I be seeing him again. "Her mom might never let me see her again."

The two went silent before Lorenzo lightly clapped my back again. They had a thing about patting backs and I learned to just roll with it. They even sighed, as if they can actually relate to whatever it is I am going through. People have it tough. I know being a vampire doesn't have anything to do with my problems with Austin and everybody else are going through the same, more or less, especially when they choose to love someone so out of their league.

And where my vampire side is concerned, I'm also fucked. Anywhere I turn, I feel like the walls are trying to close in on me so I don't stand a chance. Like a cancer cell, the world seemed to conspire against me so it could eliminate the factor that shouldn't exist.

I know. I'm aware of it. But I am here and I am also made to not have a choice but to fight back and struggle because it's also what I'm supposed to do. I just hope the force I have could somehow make a dent into the force that's everything around me.

I sighed and glanced again at Austin's usual seat. A day without him and I'm already drowning in shit.

After my class ended, Champion was already waiting outside our classroom. He's talking with a girl, the same one who gave me Austin's stuff at the hospital. They looked like they were talking about some serious stuff so I didn't come out right away to not intrude.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I approached him after the girl went away.

"I figured going back to the dorms might make you uneasy. And I don't trust anyone in there right now," he whispered, leaning on my shoulder. He's the kind of person who thrives on human touch and even if at first I found it awkward, now I no longer mind. Up close, I noticed that even him had the capacity to produce eyebags and his eyes looked tired, but still sparkling with mirth that only him knew the cause.

I wonder what I'd see if I had his eyes for one day.

"So this means I'm under your close supervision?" I tried to joke but he immediately said yes so I clenched my teeth. I don't want this. "You're busy, Champ."

"I'm not as busy as you think I am," he answered defensively.

As we walked, he's greeting people along the way, like he knew every single person in the whole population. They called out to him too, even the professors and instructors and the janitors. I wonder if he ever gets tired of it. If I'm tired I would snap at everybody and back then if I lack sleep I wouldn't be acknowledging people even if I bump on them on purpose. 

"Oh, hey! You look good in that haircut, Amy!"

"You know, if you do that, some girl's bound to think that you're interested in them just because you remember their names," I commented as I eyed the girls giggling over the attention they received from him.

"What can I do?" he squeaked in a childish whisper, ducking his head slightly so I could hear him.

"Hmm. You're tall, just pretend you didn't hear them because of the bad weather up there," I answered, stepping aside for a group of noisy freshmen who looked more like hatchlings looking for their mom.

He burst out laughing, which made people curious as they directed their gazes into our spot.

"That's racist," he said and I knew it was a joke. Or maybe not. We can always pretend that tall people are a different race than midgets. "Come now, don't be jealous. I only have eyes for you."

I laughed at his joke and he wrapped his arm around my neck as we walked. Then I remembered what happened last night and I tensed, which he immediately felt on his skin and I looked up at him to see his reaction.

"What? Danger?" he whispered.

"No. You're just too close your fans are suffocating me with their collective killing intent," I lied with a small chuckle. "Champ, I don't like it when you disrupt your daily routine for me. You have so much at stake in your studies, and as your friend, I'd hate to ruin it for you."

He was smiling when I looked up at him but he didn't say anything for a long time. We just walked together in silence before he let go and walked backwards in front of me so we walked face to face.

"You're really a good kid," he said and there was sadness in the way he said it. Like he's talking about someone else not me. But then he immediately gave me a wide smile. "That's why I can't just leave you alone."

"Geez, stop making this dead person blush," I muttered and he laughed so I smiled a little. "You're a good kid too, Champ. The best."

There were times when I regret ever dying because just like what Austin said, I may be here right now but I'm also not here. I'm not part of the natural world where Champion and Austin and every person in this university is a member and I don't get to experience the membership perks anymore. I'm just an intruder and a tumor, something that's supposed to not exist.

But during times like this too, that I could make myself feel better. I would convince myself that if I didn't die, my world would have just revolved around blindly navigating through my pointless life. It's ironic, because it took me something drastic, like losing my life, for me to start seriously considering my future. And I'm working so hard for it because I met Austin and I want a future with him so bad.

I died and I met the best living people, and it makes me both happy and miserable. I can't expect people to understand this misery, the jealousy, and this desperation, because underneath it all, I'm a black and white picture amidst all these bursts of colours.

The happiness that's radiating off Champion's back right now could never touch me and it could never be a part of me, no matter how hard I try to rub it on my skin. We could touch but we could never meet, because I'm the past and no matter how infinite my time stretches, I will remain in the past.

Just a dark stain of blood and brain matter on that dusty concrete ground.