Connections

24: Boxed

I sat in one of Tony's meeting rooms. Natasha, Banner, Clint, Steve, and Tony all sat around the table. Fury walked around the room. They were all asking me a thousand questions about being at the Hydra compound. I just closed my eyes as they discussed amongst themselves.

The issue was I had no way of answering their questions. My memories were back but the ones I had from being in Hydra were gone. I knew the Winter Soldier existed. I was told I was tested on by Hydra. Other then that...I remembered nothing. Somehow they managed to erase anything Hydra related from my memories. Everything but the torture.

They had updated me on the situation. I had gone missing six months ago. Taken from the Shield headquarters here in New York. That made me feel uneasy. How easy it was for them to take me. The doctor I was with there was dead, however after they got me out they came back to search the building. By that point everyone left was gone.

I put my head into my hands and let out a sigh. They told me the Winter Soldier helped me escape. It was suspicious so they needed to know why.

"I already told you I don't remember anything." I said, "I don't even remember being tested on by Hydra as a kid."

"You need to think, Black." Fury spoke up. His tone serious and demeaning.

I turned my head to Fury. Glaring at him. I was getting tired. Just trying to think about everything hurt my head.

"All I know is he had a metal arm. His face was covered." I was frustrated. Trying to think back just felt like a tv screen with static. Images, but not a full picture. My headache was getting worse. I let out a slight groan as I rolled my head back and closed my eyes. I opened them looking up at the ceiling. The bright light reminded me of sitting in that chair in Hydra, getting brainwashed.

"They tutored me." I said quietly, "I don't know what I did to make it happen. But the Winter Soldier just stood outside the door as I screamed for my life." I turned my head to Fury. He clenched his jaw. His eye narrowing down to me, "You want to know what I remember Fury? I remember feeling like I was in hell. My brain being completely destroyed. My entire body being ruined from the inside out."

I took a deep breath as the other looked down at the ground. I could feel pity they all felt. I looked over at Tony as his face just looked like he wanted to kill someone. I couldn't sit there anymore. I stood up and walked away, everyone's eyes following me. I slammed the door behind me.

I stood outside on the balcony. Arm crossed over my chest. I felt numb now. At this point i would have rather go back to not talking at this point. At least in those few moments eating ice cream with Tony, I had a bit of calm. I heard the door slide open behind me. I turned my head as Steve stood at the door. I just turned my head looking back down onto the busy streets of New York.

Steve walked up and stood next to me. "Tony agreed to just let you keep a file on whatever you can remember. That way we don't have to keep going through meeting after meeting."

I nodded my head not locking my eyes away. I watched the people move below me. All I wanted at this point was to be like them. Without a care in the world. My mind immediately shifted to Bucky. What out life could have been like if we could just live like normal people.

"You're doing okay?" Steve ask, finally turning to me.

"No." I said simply. I took a sharp breath before turning to Steve. He looked down at me noticing the puzzled look on my face. "A part of me doesn't want to remember anything. Just keep it locked in a box forever. However, there's a small part of me that's screaming that I need to remember."

Steve shifted a bit, looking quizzical. "What would be worth remembering the torture?"

I looked back out at the skyscrapers around us. The sun began to set, giving the sky a beautiful orange hue. I let out a long sigh. I closed my eyes. Tears falling down my face. Steve noticed I was crying. He quickly pulled me into a hug. Everything was hitting me at once.