Lazarus

Chapter 17

I stared at him in stunned silence, I wouldn't even think of Lazarus as someone who would be put on suicide watch. He's strong and always so happy-looking. I scoffed at myself, I should know that despite how happy someone may seem, that isn't always the truth.

"Lazarus is a very strong Alpha, someone no one crosses without losing their life," he explained softly. "But everyone has their demons and his are rather....dark."

I nodded, "I'm guessing if I ask you why he was put on suicide watch, you won't tell me?"

"I'm not the one who found him, you could ask his brother. Azrael seems to be overly open."

"Is he still on...?"

"Fortunately no, but I still worry sometimes. They went through a lot at such young ages, Lazarus dealing with the most of it. I still have to get him out of his episodes."

"His episodes?"

He finished re-wrapping my shoulder before sighing, "I'm giving far too much information. Talk to Azrael, he'll explain everything. At least, Lazarus won't turn away from him if he says something."

**Trigger warning**

I sipped on my soup as my bedroom door opened, revealing Alex and Azrael. She frowned at me, "So, why did I drag this idiot here?"

"Do you two not get along?" I snickered, earning a roll of eyes from Alex.

She folded her arms across her chest, allowing the door to smack Azrael, "He irritates my soul."

"How do you know you don't do the same for me?" Azrael retorted, holding the door.

"I don't care if I do."

"You should care."

"Why?"

"You're my cousin, family doesn't hurt each other."

She shrugged, "Nope, does nothing. You're just dramatic."

"Whatever, I hope you never find a husband."

"Careful what you wish for, I can swing either way."

"Hey, dumb and dumber, focus," I cut in, trying to hold back my laughter.

They both flipped each other off before plopping down in the chairs, "What's up?" Azrael asked.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Ignoring that Alex basically just came out as bisexual to me and how chill you are, I have questions about Lazarus."

"Why don't you just ask him these questions?"

"I don't like him."

He leaned back, his lips forming into a smirk, "Certainly doesn't look like that."

"Don't start."

He shrugged, earning a slap from Alex. Taking a deep breath, I pushed my soup aside, "Why was Lazarus placed on suicide watch last year?"

Alex paled while Azrael's face dropped, he nervously bit his lip. Clasping his hands together, he took a deep breath, "I really don't want to relive this."

I suddenly felt bad for asking without giving them a warning, not even thinking about how reliving the moment would feel for them. However, he seemed to quickly recover as he sat up straighter.

"He watched our mother get killed, my aunt had managed to grab me and Alex while she grabbed my brother. However, they got to her before she could escape. They shoved her down a hill, causing her to let go of Lazarus. We found him with a broken leg at the bottom of a rocky hillside. He watched her fight for her life, she managed to kill all four before their leader showed up. He wasn't merciful on her, he would have gotten Lazarus too if our aunt hadn't shown up in time. She never did manage to kill the asshole, but we never saw him again. After that, he was never the same.

He withdrew from everyone, would often act out, and was unable to control his shifts. This continued well into our young adult years, it was during his birthday month is when I found him. He had disappeared for an entire afternoon, told us he was going for a run. He actually went to that very hillside and..."

He choked on his words, his eyes tearing up a bit as he attempted to gain control over himself. With an aching heart, I gently scooted to the edge of my bed and placed a hand on his knee.

"It's fine, you don't have to give me the details," I said softly.

Clenching his jaw, he shook his head, "I need to tell someone, to get this off my chest. Not even the doctor really knows."

I nodded my understanding as he got control over himself again, he took a shaky breath before nodding to himself.

"He had gotten ahold of a silver dagger and cut all the way down both arms, deep enough that he would bleed out before it healed. Luckily, we managed to get blood transfusions and kept him alive. If I had been just a minute later, he wouldn't be here. I'm reminded every day when I see the scars on his arms, physical nightmares that won't ever leave."

I didn't know what to say as I just stared at the ground, my mind trying to comprehend that Lazarus had chosen one of the most painful ways to end things. To stop his suffering from his traumatic experience. I could feel myself getting filled up, knowing how desperate you have to be to just end it like that. Knowing how painful it gets before you reach that point, where death seems to be the only answer.

"Does he still...get like that?" I asked carefully.

Azrael leaned back once more, "He suffers from PTSD. He'll have episodes, from what I have been told. I have never seen him freeze up because of it or anything. For the most part, he seems happy again. We have been very protective of him, which is why the pack was extremely hostile to you in the beginning. Doesn't excuse the bullying, I tried handling it as best I could."

"He apparently broke a warrior's arm," Alex voiced.

"Hey, I warned him to watch his mouth and he didn't."

I tilted my head a bit, "You defended me?"

"I was ordered to and I'm never ordered to do anything."

A/N: Yeahhh I don't have an outline for this book, I'm coming up with the chapters as I go lol