UNDERCOVER on the TITANIC (book 1)

Part 20 - Magimatics

My second day at Silverwood School began with English which required little effort. Licia had thoughtfully brought some extra lunch, including a bag of chocolate cookies to replenish Miguel's depleted hoard, so I didn't starve, while Miguel carefully counted out six and put them into his backpack. 

The last class of the day was mathematics and we were entertained by Professor Smolkin wearing a conical hat, decorated with crescent moons, and a tie vividly decorated with green palm trees. 'A happy polyhedron to you all.' He grinned and checked the class list, 'Anyone who's not here, put up your hand.' Someone tittered dutifully as he finished checking the class list.

'First, I must say, I am a little disappointed with the last test.' He distributed the geometry test forms and I looked at mine with astonishment. B plus! Impossible! I never got less than a straight A's. Anti Smolkin must have made a mistake. I started checking carefully.

I leaned over and whispered to Licia. 'What's with the funny hat.' She grinned at me. 'He's been reading Harry Potter again.'

Anti devoted a boring lesson to going over geometry problems I could solve in my sleep. I spent most of the time drawing penguins. Just before the period bell, Anti rushed around the class handing out test sheets this time on long division questions. 

Amid a chorus of groans, he grinned. 'That was quite musical students, but practice!  Groaning practice is the only way to improve.'

Miguel grinned wickedly and raised his hand. 'Do you mean we should practice our groaning or our dividing?'

'Very clever, Miguel,' Anti laughed. 'Both. Your groaning needs a little more, "ugh" in it.'

As the bell rang, he added. 'Please exit the classroom one at a time and remember Smolkin's first rule of homework! Never forget to do it before you forget it . . . Oh Ziff, would you wait a minute?'

No one seemed to be listening. The doorway was jammed with bodies as everyone tried to get out at the same time. I waited until the room was empty but all Anti Smolkin wanted, was for me to review some chapters in the math book.

By the time he had finished explaining, everybody else was long gone. The corridors were gloomy and silent and they seemed to be getting darker. My stomach turned over. What else could happen in this loony school?

I turned the corner toward the lockers and stopped. In front of me, squirming and writhing was a thing . . . like the grotesque cocoon of some giant, two legged insect. It turned. Two arms popped out and a head started to grow out of the top. There were no eyes and the face was covered with curly black hair. Two small horns were sticking out of the hair! I opened my mouth to scream for help. 

Then I noticed one of the horns was sharply pointed and the other had a pencil eraser on the end. The creature turned to reveal a wicked grin and I started breathing again. 'Miguel, your head,' I gasped weakly, 'it's on backwards.' 

'It's my parka,' he explained. His grin widened as he retracted his arms from his sleeves. 'The zipper's stuck.' He wiggled the parka around his torso and pushed his arms into the correct sleeves. 'And, as Anti Smolkin, might say, the first rule of parkas is, never forget which sleeve is the right sleeve . . . Or was that the left sleeve.'

'There's a pencil in your hair,' I croaked. He pulled it out. 

'Thanks. I though I'd lost it. By the way, Cannonball asked Licia and me to look after you. Welcome to Silverwood school.' 

I frowned. 'What makes him think I need looking after?'

'Sorry, I didn't mean . . . I think he said mentor . . . He just asked us to make you welcome. How do you like Silverwood School?'

'I'm not sure. It's spooky compared to my school in Toronto. Is it haunted?'

Miguel grinned. 'It could be. The building is old enough. It used to be a regular high school until the school board sold the building to Dr Zhang. At the time, there was a rumour that the principal had been driven insane by the students and was found hanging from the bell tower. I think his name was Long Neck Lonnigan.'

I grinned. 'I don't suppose he kept snakes in his office.' 

Miguel laughed, 'Cannonball thinks he's running Hogwarts and Anti is not much better. I think he prefers snakes to students. Everybody here is a bit odd but you'll get used to it. Anti Smolkin says it takes about twenty years.'

The afternoon passed quickly with art and French. I didn't speak French too well but I enjoyed drawing. The only trouble was my art teacher who wanted me to draw something other than penguins. 

When the end-of-school bell rang, I hung back to avoid being trampled by students racing for the door. 

Boz slowed down as he pushed passed Licia. 'Just look at that!' he sneered in mock surprise. 

'Al Who has collected another loser.' 

'Quit bugging me, Boz,' Licia snapped.

'Boo, hoo, Hu. She loves me not.' Boz pretended to cry as he danced away happily. 'See yah later, Lee-SEE-Yah.'

Licia made a monkey face behind his back before turning to me. 'The Prince of Dorkness departs and I must leave you too. I live just across the street from the school. Toodles.'

Toodles? Was that Ottawa speak for goodbye? 

 ❘❘ ❘❘❘ ❘❘❘❘❘❙ ❙❙ ❙❙ ❙❘❘❘❘ ❘❘❘❘ ❘❘