Everything I Never Told You ( Conan Gray )

LXXI. What It Takes To Be A Man

Conan: i forgot

Conan: i think heath has eating disorder, anorexia nervosa type

Micah: makes sense

Conan: u think so too?

Micah: now that u have said it, it does seem like it

Micah: but he ate two meals today so thats a good sign right?

Conan: yeah. could u get him to eat dinner too? make sure he doesnt skip or throw up?

Micah: ofc gray. do u want me to talk to him abt it?

Conan: if u can, that will be a lot of help

Micah: ohk i will try. tho i think he will accept it very easily

Conan: he will?

Micah: yes, i think so

Romulus Charles had a visitor just two days ago, so it's surprising that he had one today. He didn't have any family in California, unless he counted his half wit of a brother who refused to maintain ties with him and his son who surprisingly agreed to talk to him. It started a month ago when he sent a letter to him, saying he would like to talk. He didn't know why he had done it, he didn't think his son would agree after what he did. 

He thought he would feel a surge of fatherly affection upon seeing him after so many years, more than a decade. He hadn't feel anything but disgust as to see what he had become. He  regretted hitting him twice, he truly did. Even when it happened, he couldn't believe he had done that. He wished that his mom hadn't found out that he had gotten violent with their son. If he was a son to him, really. A true disappointment if you must. 

Heathcliff, he liked the name and when he had been born, he loved the idea of naming him after a fictional character. Not many people were fans of the character but something about his behaviour and masculinity, he had always admired. 

Heath had changed very much. For starters, he painted his nails now. The second time he had gotten abusive with him was for painting his knobs with rainbows and painting his nails too. He could feel the memory rising, an echo of what it used to be. How he had seen him fiddling with his mother's things, how he had panicked when Romulus had caught him. He had felt the same emotion the had felt that day, shame and guilt for not being able to fix him. Maybe he shouldn't have hit him but how was he supposed to learn his lesson? Not by words, surely. 

His son had also attained a good height, almost as tall him. He looked weaker and leaner than he should but he supposed he had his own reasons for that. He didn't share any likeness with his son, something he had found very disturbing and troubling when he was born. He looked a lot like his mother and it was hard not to see Janet in his face. He only his had Romulus's grandfather's eyes, the bright amber ones that were stark against his mom's dark black hair. 

He wanted to believe he still had a chance and he was not beyond fixing but when he spoke to him after all those years, he shattered all those hopes.

"Why did you kill him?" he had asked, his eyes glowing with the thirst for an answer. He was family and had been allowed to visit but only with them sitting in different rooms, communicating through telephones and sitting apart with a great glass wall. 

"Because I wanted to believe you could be saved," he had told him. "Because I didn't want to end your life which can be made worth if you had just listen to me, if your mother hadn't come in between. You would have been a great boy Heath if you had just given the shit I said and did, a chance."

"I really wish you die," he had said and Romulus would be lying if he said he didn't feel hurt. 

"Why did you come?" he had asked, clearing his throat. He could see the hate in his son's eyes, the loathing. They weren't really different in that case. They both hated what the other had become. 

"Julian's sister told me I should visit," he had snapped. "I wouldn't have seen you if she hadn't requested."

"Julian didn't really love you, it's an impossible love, Heath," he had said. "Everything you felt towards him was a lie. If you really loved him, you wouldn't have been living with that girl."

"She is not my girlfriend," he had said, angrily. "I am gay."

"Of course, there is no way that someone like you could be loved, someone was unattractive, feminine and weak.." his voice had trailed afterwards. "I tried loving you, Heath but no one in the world wants a child like you. Even your mom thinks so, I am sure."

He had seen how his son's face had flickered with an expression, a form of fear and horror. He had felt quite satisfied with the way he had told him the truth, subtley and calmly, twisting his insides gently until he screamed.  

"Rot in there," Heath had said, slamming the receiver on the table, the most angry had seen him ever. He hadn't seen him more than a decade but he could tell he hadn't changed a bit, still very much like his mother, except weaker.  

"Your son is here," the guard said, peeking through the bars of his cell door. Romulus snapped out of his flashback, shaking his head. "Come on."

"I am coming."