Hetalia Angst

Love Me Longer

His mother glared at him. “Basch, if you walk out that door with the intent of joining your stupid friend in the military that isn’t even fighting for your country, you will no longer be my son.” She seethed, drawing a sigh from his lips.

“Then I guess you’re no longer my mother.” He said, walking to his room to retrieve his things, all packed neatly in a suitcase. When he tried to leave, he could see his sister standing in the doorway, barely 10 years old, looking up at him with tears in her eyes. It was impossible for him to deny that it broke his heart to see it. He’d always done his best to keep her happy, even if she didn’t always appreciate it.

“Are you leaving me..?” She asked quietly, her tone almost bringing tears to her brother’s eyes. “I don’t want you to go. I won't have anyone to talk to…” The tears slowly slipped down her cheeks, tearing his heart in two. “Did I do something wrong..?”

Basch dropped his things and immediately pulled his sister into a hug. “Shh, it's not your fault.” He soothed her, holding her close as she cried. "I won't be gone forever. There's just a time in peoples' lives when they need to go off on their own. Now is that time for me. Just promise you'll stay strong, ok Lili? You're such an amazing girl and I love you so much." He promised her, kissing her head.

She sniffled a bit, hugging him back and nodding. “O-Ok..” She said softly, holding him tight. “I’m gonna miss you…” Her voice was sad and almost shy. It killed Basch to see her like this. He just wished he could make everyone in this situation happy; he could be with Gil and Lili, his mother didn’t need to worry about him leaving to join the military of another country, everything would be perfect. But that wasn’t how the world worked.

“I have to leave now, ok Schätzli? Take care of Mueter for me, alright?” With one last hug and a kiss on the forehead, Basch stood up again, moving back over to retrieve his luggage again. “I will always love you. Never forget that.” He assured her. One more kiss and he walked back into the main room. He didn’t even look at his mom, going straight for the door. The cries of his sister were like knives to his heart, especially since he knew this might very well be the last time he saw them.

.  .  .

The air was dry as Basch walked through the streets, the sun barely setting over the mountains, turning the tips golden. It had taken a long time for him to get from the airport to his home town of Wengen, but he’d made it. Even with the tears streaking his cheeks and his constant reminders of the love of his life, he made it. Every little thing he passed reminded him of the sweet albino who he would have done anything for. Every little daisy reminded him of flower crowns placed upon his blonde hair, every tree reminded him of afternoon naps, every cloud, every raindrop, every gust of wind, everything drawing upon old memories, pleasant memories turned sour.

Everything was screaming at him to just leave the town, telling him he shouldn’t be running back to his mother and sister but he couldn’t help it. He had nowhere else to go. He would have stayed with Gilbert’s family but he knew wouldn't be able to face them. He’d feel much too guilty for letting their family member die. He was sure they wouldn’t want him to stay with them either. He could tell that there were people in the village that recognized him from a few years prior but none of them approached him because of the state he was in.

Once he had reached his old house, he only stood there. There was no way he could bring himself to step forward, to knock, to face the wrath of the false family he’d left behind four years ago. He’d spent those four years in an unfamiliar country that felt more like home than the little countryside house that he’d lived in for the first 19 years of his life. He’d spent his four years with the man who meant more to him than the familiarity of the mountains looming over him day after day, more than the mother who’d raised him, the sister who yearned for his protection, the kind neighbors, the quiet, everything that he’d lived with his entire life. Now it was all gone. The birdcall seemed almost nonexistent now, the beautiful golden rays that bounced off the snowy peaks that used to always seemed to make him relax now only drew upon sadness, dragged up the old memories of a simpler time, a time before violent gunshots, of the tearing of shrapnel into skin, the blood of a loved one on pale shaky hands, the absence of a pulse, the overwhelming heartbreak.

He wasn’t sure just how long had passed before he finally raised a hand to knock against the door. All he knew was that the time passed much too slowly. It felt like an eternity before the door finally opened, a teen with short blond hair standing before him. All he could do was stare, shocked at how much his sister had grown up. “Lili..?” He said softly, hesitantly reaching out for her but unsure she even wanted to see him.

Teal eyes widened and the girl practically threw herself into Basch’s arms. “Brüeder!” She cried out, holding him tightly as tears came to her eyes. “I thought you died… I didn’t think you were ever coming back…” It broke his heart to see his sister so distressed and it hurt even more to know that he was the one to cause it.

“Shh, it’s ok. It’s ok, I’m here now. I’m here…” He held her tightly, feeling tears slip down his cheeks as he gently pet her hair, taking a deep, shuddery breath. He hadn’t realised just how much he missed his sister and now that she was in his arms again, all his emotional walls broke down. He couldn’t help but sob against his sister, all the horrible things he’s gone through the last 4 years finally being let out. He held his sister as close as he could, as though if he let go he’d wake up, all alone again.

He was torn from his heaven on earth by a yell from inside. “Lili, who is it at the door?” It was almost impossible not to recognise his mother’s yell. The woman appeared in the door, looking down at him with a glare. “Oh, It’s you.” She said sharply, disgust showing easily in her tone. “Lili get away from this.. This thing." The words were spat from her tongue like dirt.

An agonizing pain tore through his chest when he felt his sister pull away from him. Tears still marked his cheeks and he looked up at his mother with pleading eyes. He needed them. At the very least, he needed Lili. He couldn't keep himself together without her. He'd already lost the love of his life, he couldn't lose his sister, too. The woman didn't seem to care and she took Lili inside, closing the door behind them and blocking Basch's final view of his sister. That was it. He was left with nothing. He lost his home, his friends, his boyfriend, his mother, and now he'd lost his sister.

He barely registered pushing himself up from the ground and he began to wander. It wasn't clear what he was looking for, or if he was looking for anything at all, but he took one step after another and he let his legs guide him while his mind shut down. He was sure he walked for hours before he finally came to his senses. He looked out over the edge of the bridge he stood on, staring at the valley beneath him. He was hundreds of meters in the air and he shivered, the wind whisking past him, almost trying to pull him away from the edge. "Don't do it." He seemed to hear, whispered in his ear. It was too late though. He'd made up his mind. The path was empty, giving him plenty of time to climb the fence keeping him from the long drop. "Dont do it." He seemed to hear again, the voice all too familiar. He couldn't place it though. A second was all he took to stare down at the valley below him before letting go and free falling. Fear gripped his chest as he fell and he finally thought to himself, "What am I doing?? I have a sister who needs me!" But it was too late. There was no going back the second he let go of that fence. If only he took more time to think. "I'll be waiting." The wind whispered. But it wasn't the wind. The voice clicked and he found himself smiling. "I'll find you." He promised as the ground approached him. "I'll always find you."

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Translations:
Sonnenschein (German): Sunshine
Mueter (Swiss German): Mother
Schatzi (Swiss German): Honey/Dear
Brüeder (Swiss German): Brother