Hetalia Angst

Just Once

⚠️Trigger Warnings: Sibling Death, sadness, pain⚠️
Characters: Gilbert Beilschmidt (Prussia); Ludwig Beilschmidt (Germany); Amus Beilschmidt (Hessen)
Word Count: 1095

Tears slipped down pale cheeks, marking out the immeasurable pain. His jaw clenched hard, keeping in a cry of pain that begged to escape. The albino was curled in on himself, praying that the pain would end soon. He knew it would. He was dying. The sound of a breath, shaky with pain, was the only sound in the room as Gilbert slowly pushed himself to a sitting position. He already knew how he wanted to spend his last day. He'd been trying to get his brother's attention for the past week but every time he asked to hang out he was pushed aside in favor of working. Hopefully today would be different.

After wiping away his tears, Gilbert forced one foot in front of another to get out the door before pausing in the doorway to try and get his head to stop spinning. It felt as though he was being ripped apart by an invisible force, pain stealing his breath. He forced air into his lungs, wiping away more tears that slipped down his cheeks again. One more breath had him walking down the hall towards his brother's room, leaning against the wall for support. Once he was in front of the door, he made himself stand alone and he forced a grin to his lips before opening the door.

"Oi, West! You should come hang out with me!" He said, voice laced with pain and bubbling over with false joy. "Come on, you've been working for much too long. At least come relax with me. We haven't spent time together in f-"

"For Gott's sake Gil, can you not see that I'm working?!" Ludwig snapped, not even looking up at him. "I've told you so many times that I can't. Just leave me alone and stop being annoying." The words were filled with stress-based annoyance and they cut into Gilbert's heart, making him stop. Silent tears spilled down his cheeks and a bitter smile crossed his lips. So, even after all he'd done for his brother, all the love and support he'd given, the boy still didn't care.

"Fine." He said, voice barely steady. "Bye Luddy. I love you. I always will." With one last glance at his brother, who hadn't thought anything of his older brother's words, Gilbert walked away. His bird was perched lightly on his shoulder and nuzzled into him as the albino walked. Prussia looked up at the clear blue sky as he exited the house. For once he let himself enjoy the sunshine that he would otherwise avoid. Just this once did he dip his feet in the water of the pond, warmed by the summer sun. He laid back on the dock, looking up at the cerulean sky, his bird resting on his chest.

*His* bird. A sigh fell from his lips. It felt like forever since he was allowed to own something. Maybe, just for today, he could claim some things. This could be *his* dock, *his* pond, *his* property… His life, his story, coming to an end.

He must've fallen asleep because the next time he opened his eyes, the sun was dying the sky different shades of pinks and oranges. However, it also felt like a dream. The only pain he felt was a full throbbing throughout his body which was slowly going numb. A frantic call had him looking back at the house, his mind feeling hazy, a sense of peace settling over him. He could see his brother sprinting over to him, a look of terror in his eyes.

"No, no, don't leave me yet!" Ludwig called out fearfully. "Please, please stay with me!" A glance down at his body told Gilbert what was wrong. His left arm was already see-through, just a mist in the air, and it was rapidly disappearing. A pair of warm arms wrapped around him, holding him close and he let his eyes close. He felt warm and safe in his brother's arms. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" Ludwig repeated over and over again, tears choking his words. "I should have come with you. I'm so sorry, please don't leave me." Ludwig choked out a sob, feeling his entire world crumbling around him.

Gilbert reached up and gently brushed away Ludwig's tears. "It'll be ok, West." He said softly, his voice barely over a whisper. "You're strong. I'll always be beside you, making you stronger. You just won't always see me."

Ludwig shook his head, angry at himself for not seeing just how close his brother was to death. "But I want to see you… I want to see you and hold you and hear you…. Please, don't leave me alone……"

A laugh fell from Gilbert's lips. He silently wondered when he began to sound so frail, so tired. "Oh, Luddy.. You're not alone. You have everyone; Italy, Japan, even the Allies. You won't be alone. Just… promise me something?" He could barely feel his brother's arms anymore and the outlines of his siblings were starting to fade in.

"Yes, yes of course." Ludwig said, nodding, holding his brother as close as he could. "Anything. Anything for you. I'll do anything." The ache in his chest was almost unbearable, ripping out his heart and tearing it to shreds only to let it fall to the ground and be crushed.

"Remember me..? Please, please, just… just don't forget me…" Gilbert closed his eyes again, unable to hear more than a muffled whisper of his brother's response. When he next opened his eyes, his siblings were standing around him, muttering to each other as they looked down on him. However, they all went silent when he looked up at them.

Hessen was the first one to speak. "Gil? How are you feeling?" He asked slowly, kneeling down to his older brother and helping him sit up. Gilbert was silent for a moment, flexing his limbs to get feeling back into them.

"I… I suppose I'm feeling fine.. Is Luddy ok..?" The look on his siblings' faces answered him. "It's really that bad, huh?" They nodded and Gil let out a small sigh, standing up and looking around to see his brother a few feet away. The German was on his knees, sobbing, arms wrapped tightly around himself. It broke the albino's heart to see him like that, kneeling in front of the small patch of cornflowers that bloomed in front of the dock. Suddenly, Gil wished he could go back and try again, wished that he'd be able to live out his last day. Just once.