Where the Moon will Shine

Chapter 11

I hadn't told Lucy about the kiss. I couldn't. Not yet.

Everytime I brought it up, I got a weird feeling about it. My stomach turned when I even thought about telling her.

Maybe it was because a small part of me didn't want to tell her. Maybe there was a part of me that wanted to keep it a secret. Maybe it just made it that more exciting.

But that was ridiculous. Lucy was my best friend in the entire world, I had to tell her. I just didn't know how to.

The more time that passed, the harder it got. At that point, I was sure she would be mad at the fact that I waited so long to tell her. It was stupid but, something inside of me was telling me not to tell her. I wanted to though, more than anything, until...

u have to watch anika saturday

I nearly gagged.

Um excuse me!!!???!!?

I called her, freaking out.

"Hey Luce, I was just calling because it seems like you accidentally texted me something that was clearly a mistake."

"Okay, just listen-"

"You promised! We agreed that I would go to the party to-"

"To what? Find out if Oliver was your stalker?! News flash: he's not."

I had told Lucy some of what happened when Oliver came over, just leaving out the minor detail of us kissing. I wasn't necessarily lying about it though...

"Well still, we made arrangements. Why do you all of a sudden want to go to the party? Can't I do anything?!"

Lucy let out a mocking chuckle.

"I don't want to go to your stupid party Rach, I have better things to do then waste my time drinking and making a fool out of myself.

"Kraya called me freaking out about you. Apparently Anika has been throwing an everlasting temper tantrum about you being her babysitter! You alone. Look, this lady already paid us half. It'd be wrong to just bail now. Please Rach, just watch her. It's only right."

Funny.

"I don't know."

"Well you better figure it out! She needs to know, like, right now. What's it gonna be Rach?"

"Could you just give me five minutes to think?!"

"No! Are you gonna watch her or not? This isn't rocket science. Are you going to help a poor single mom out with her child, or are you gonna risk being grounded to go make googly eyes with Oliver all night?"

"Fine! I'll watch her... I didn't know that's how you felt about me and Oliver." I could feel tears threatening to pour loose.

"Rach... I'm sorry I didn't mean-"

"I've gotta go," I breathed heavily.

"Wait, Rach!"

I hung up the phone.

I dropped my phone on the ground and dove onto my bed. Then it all came out. The guilt of not telling Lucy about the kiss, the after-effects of being terrified from my stalker, the anger that had been building up towards my mom, and most of all, sadness.

I pulled my blanket up to my face and let out muffled sobs. I sobbed until I was sure that I was out of tears, then sobbed some more. I felt like such an awful person.

I couldn't believe that I had even thought of choosing some dumb party over helping Lucy. It was like I was choosing Oliver over Lucy... Who had I become?

I didn't even recognize myself.

I'm such an awful friend. I don't deserve her. I never have... I'm a sucky daughter and I'll never be good enough for Oliver.

A 'ding' interrupted my thoughts.

im so sorry, i feel awful

i can cancel if you still wanna go to that party

That made me cry even harder. I felt like I had gotten hit by a bus. I clenched my stomach as it ached in pain.

Somehow, I had managed to make Lucy feel like it was her fault. I couldn't even wrap my head around that.

I cried and cried until eventually I was asleep. I didn't really remember falling asleep that night, but I guess I had.

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The first thing I did in the morning was call Lucy and apologize. She just seemed relieved that I wasn't mad at her, and I'm pretty sure we both cried. I tried to explain to her all of the emotions I was feeling, even about Oliver.

"I freaked out on you when you brought up Oliver because... well we kissed."

It felt like hours before she finally said anything.

"Oh."

"Luce, I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I was just waiting for the perfect moment. I didn't even know how to tell you."

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why didn't you know how to tell me? We're supposed to be best friends, and I've been overly supportive about this whole thing."

"Well maybe that's the thing. Luce, I've had no real room to breathe between you and my mother. I didn't tell you because I felt like I actually had some space for myself."

Even though that wasn't the entire truth, that's what I ended up telling her.

"Oh," she said again. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt that way."

I suddenly felt way worse.

"No, Luce, don't apologize. You're seriously the best, best friend I could ever ask for. I love you with my whole heart, and you're the most amazing person I've ever met."

She laughed dully, "Well you aren't too bad yourself."

She ended up coming over to spend the day with me, and it was honestly the most fun we'd ever had. It was so nice to be able to have a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders, and that was all because of her.

The rest of the day was amazing, and I couldn't even remember why I was upset before.

Until I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, one that was all too familiar.

A feeling that someone was watching me.