Splicing of Changes (Editing)

Chapter 51

I was suspicious of Zach at first when I met him. I mean anyone would be if the guy you are buying drugs from albeit it was my medicine, suddenly becomes friendly. Yes, you knew him before but that does not mean that you would expect your dealer to plead to you not to take them. Yeah, that's exactly what Zach did. I think it was my third or fourth time buying from him when he pleaded to me not to take them like that anymore. It was nothing bad, well maybe considering they were my pain meds which I was taking like candy. I was in pain, but I also liked the feeling of being numb from the world. I mean at that point I did not want to exist in the world, where Maize was dead, and Tori didn't care. I think it was also the first time Maize's ghost first appeared. It scared the shit out of me. I remember Maize appeared out of nowhere and then started talking. At first, I thought I was high on pain meds, and I was imagining her. That did make me happy.

The first time Maize talked to me. Yeah, it was then that I realized she was not here because I took pain meds. She was there because I was getting high on meds and did not want to live anymore. She was there to help me live. Not take the meds and just forget everything. Then I don't think Maize appeared a lot after I met Aaron. I do remember seeing her from time to time. Not like now. She is more frequent and not at all shy anymore. To be fair she does not have to take care of me from the grave too. Like even in death, I did not let her rest. Wow, I am horrible. Then again, I do not feel bad that I have her ghost with me. I am sure I would have been in a psych ward had anyone heard about me talking to her, like my parents. Or maybe not as that would have hampered with dad's image after all. I mean he did cash in my accident to his benefit. How cruel can you be when you use your daughter's accident to benefit your company, your image?

Lee's hand suddenly squeezes mine. I look at her then she wipes my tears away. I didn't even know I was crying. Wait what? I check my face and surely, I am crying. How did I not realize? Then I feel something on my right. I turn to see Maize sitting there and crying. Sobbing would be appropriate. Why? What's happening? I have no idea anymore. I look at front to check on Tori and Liz. They are still fuming and silent. But their eyes are glistening as well. Suddenly seeing that for some reason, I could not hold it in anymore and start ugly crying. Sobbing with snots. Lee hugs me tightly. Tori and Liz came too. I just let my tears flow. All my sadness related to this incident and everything after it. My stupidity, my ignorance, their(my parents') indifference. It just all came crashing into me one after another. It felt like that a dam broke and I cannot hold my sorrows in me anymore.

I do not know how much time has passed. Because all I remember is that I told Tori and Liz, after sitting them down on the couch. I requested for Alex and James to not be present and that it is a serious matter. Well Lee said that. I kept quiet and let her speak. Lee then physically pushed me a little to tell them. It took me a while to talk about it. Tell them everything I know, I remember, which isn't much. I remember going to a party, drinking probably one cup of beer. Then feeling dizzy and wanting to sit somewhere. A familiar voice helping me sit on a couch when my head felt heavy, and I fell. After that I remember a little bit of struggle, an odd sensation as if someone kissed me. Me trying to push it away, then some loud noise, while I am crying not even able to move my limbs. Suddenly the noise grows loud, and I am in air being lifted by someone. I hug this person's neck and cry. I still do not know why but I felt safe. In that person's arms. Safest since Maize. I do remember seeing Zach later on, and him telling me what happened.

While telling my sisters I told Lee too as she did not know the whole thing. I called up Zach to clarify and well, let him tell the part about finding me and saving me. Weirdest thing is I did not return home for two days straight and my parents did not even question my absence. I doubt they even knew I was not home. That was the turning point for me. I used to think they cared even a little bit about me but during that time I realized I am all alone. I remember I wished I knew where Tori was then I would run away. But then I hated her too as I thought she didn't love me or care about me. Let's just say that was the lowest point in my life. After the accident, after losing Maize and Mattie, this was the incident that just broke me. Yet, I am still here. And that is for one person only, Zachary. My friend who saved me not just that night but saved me from me. I don't know if Maize knows this because I do not remember seeing her during that period. Then again, even if I did, I wouldn't remember as I was a hollow shell of myself.